Bedtime struggles with 4 year old

[greenbirdsong]

Please help I am at my wits end with my 4 year old and bedtimes.

We have a routine, after dinner we have tv off and try and wind down by playing games like snakes and ladders etc. But as soon as it hits time to go to the bathroom for wash and teeth all hell breaks loose.

He refuses to go to the bathroom. He kicks and screams. He throws things. He shouts.

I've tried reward charts, taking toys away, ignoring it, shouting back (at times, not proud), adjusting bedtimes.

I just don't know what to do. It's exhausting every evening, I dread the after dinner times.

If I ask him why he behaves like that he just says "I don't know". He's so good the rest of the time, it's just bedtime is a complete disaster.

Please share your tips for a calmer bedtime?
Thanks in advance.

We had this for a while so I started taking DD up straight after dinner to get ready for bed on the promise that if she got ready nicely (or at least without a tantrum) then she could choose what she did before bedtime and if that involved a bit of tv then so be it. If she didn’t get ready for bed nicely then she didn’t get to choose what she did.
Sometimes then the actual bedtime bit could still be a battle but it was easier as she already ready for bed and I wasn’t trying to get a tired child ready for bed

We do pjs straight after dinner then something active - normally a dance around to music or races around the lounge and kitchen- get rid of all the final energy. Then maybe a short prog on tv before going up. He then only needs to clean teeth and go for a wee before story time. He loves being read to so this is a good motivation to get into bed. Tricky age though as he is definitely more aware now that we don’t go to bed at the same time and e often asks what we do downstairs without him 😂😂