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Original poster

In need of advice about babies dad!

11 replies

Mamne91 · 07/02/2022 16:56

Me and my partner split up just after the new year and we have a 4 month old baby together. A big reason why we ended things was how bad tempered and nasty he could be towards the baby when she was crying or woke up through the night, he even started sleeping downstairs so he wasn't disturbed by her. So me and the baby have moved in with my parents until we sort out a new home for us, but he wants to have set visits with her every week. The last 3 or so times ive left her with him for a couple of hours, ive ended up having to go and get her early than was arranged because she would be so distressed. He sends me videos of her absolutely inconsolable which as you can imagine really distresses me to see it. Part of me thinks he does it when he's had enough of her because he knows I'll go and get her, but another part thinks hes up to his old habits and talking to her awfully. Im unsure as to what my rights are, or how to go about this, as i really dont see how i can send my baby there. Any advice is much appreciated xx

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2022 17:00

I wouldn't allow this man anywhere near my baby. Let him take you to court if he has to, and I would be reporting him to SS.

notagainnotagain · 07/02/2022 17:01

If he's horrible to her when you are there, how do you think he will be in his own?

If he wants contact get him to go to court for access.

Peoplearetwats · 07/02/2022 17:02

Jesus Christ keep ur poor baby away from the twat

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mumofone234 · 07/02/2022 17:03

If your baby is only four months old and he hasn't historically been very hands-on, she may just be crying because you're her primary parent and she wants to be back with you - it doesn't necessarily mean that he's doing anything bad. However, it really doesn't sound like an ideal situation if he's sending you videos of her crying. Could you say that as she's getting so distressed, it makes more sense for the time being if he comes to you in order to see her, with you still present? Then at least you'll feel happier about how he's behaving and she'll know you're still there.

Danikm151 · 07/02/2022 17:06

My son didn’t start seeing his dad until he was 4 months old so we had visits at home while i was there, then i would pop out for an hour, they would go for a walk. A couple of months in they were used to each other so went alone for longer stretches.
It’s will be about them getting used to each other

Somethingsnappy · 07/02/2022 17:24

How bad was he towards her, OP? If it was bad enough to split you up, I think I agree with PP, that I'd be putting a stop to the visits, and let him take you to court, if he can be bothered. At the very least, supervised contact only. You're doing the right thing, protect your precious baby.

If you do allow supervised contact, keep a record of absolutely every negative behaviour.

And yes, it might be worth letting SS know, so there is a record of any complaints you might have.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/02/2022 17:29

Is this real?

Don’t let him have her. She’s barely been born and all she knows of him is he’s a shouty bully.

Stop contact immediately and let him take you to court. There’s nothing in it for her in being left with him.

I’m not sure what you’re thinking tbh. If he was crap when you were around you can guarantee he’s fucking useless with no witnesses. Anyone who films a traumatised infant instead of comforting them is a monster.

campion · 07/02/2022 17:30

@Aquamarine1029

I wouldn't allow this man anywhere near my baby. Let him take you to court if he has to, and I would be reporting him to SS.
Yes exactly this. You're job is to protect her. You can't take any risk with a baby.
lisaandalan · 07/02/2022 22:56

Are you mad, why an earth would you leave your baby with a man who can't be trusted with her, he could hurt her.
I'd seek legal advice to wether I have to let him see her at all, if I had to it would only be supervised access or nothing at all. X

RoseAndRose · 07/02/2022 23:01

He's being a shit to send you such videos

It sounds as though the visits should be shorter - halve them to one hour and see how it goes

He won't learn how to cope and become a good dad if he doesn't have time with his DC. But with small babies it should be little and often. Current arrangement is too long.

Original poster
Mamne91 · 08/02/2022 08:29

Thank you everyone for your advice, massively appreciated. Ive contacted a solicitor and have a consultation with them later on in the week x

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