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Original poster

Nanny or nursery? Not sure what would be right for us!

27 replies

RMarieClaire · 06/02/2022 22:06

I am really torn over the right childcare option for my two kids (10mo and 2.5 yo). I've just gone back to work full time after my second mat leave. My eldest has been at nursery about a year and a half and seems to like it, but I worry full time is a bit much for her. My youngest has just started part time and will be full time from March. The nursery is only about 100m away and very good, but very expensive, and I worry it's not quite right. My daughter is usually excited to go but by the end of the week just wants to stay home. My son is still so young and I feel so guilty sending him, plus I can see his 'routine' is going to fall apart there. Mostly though, even though we're only two weeks in, I feel like I barely see them - the morning is all just the rush to get them out the door, the evening is a rush to get them fed and ready for bed. So, we are considering a nanny.

Pros of nursery (as far as I can see): it's close and they get to mix with other kids. Plus, it's out of the house which can be good for us because we work from home (me 3 days a week and DH 5 days a week). They do lots of great messy play, sensory play, dancing, etc, and have a cute playground. And when they reach pre-school it will have some educational elements. My eldest is settled and has friends there.

Pros of nanny: it's cheaper, insanely enough. There's less stress getting out the door or rushing home from work. The kids can stick to their normal routine. They can help with 'bed time' or getting ready for bed when one parent has to work late. When my eldest goes to school the nanny can provide wrap around care, which we're going to need.

Anyone with any experience of either (two kids in nursery or at home with a nanny) able to add any more in either camp? And does anyone here have a nanny and work from home? Our house is not huge - we have one study and I work in the kitchen, so would need to make space in one of the rooms somehow. Or commute additional days.

TIA!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RG2468 · 06/02/2022 22:08

How can a nanny be cheaper? Have you looked at costs of employing someone?

Northernlurker · 06/02/2022 22:08

You both working from home will make it really hard with a nanny I think. The kids will know you are both there and the nanny may feel observed. Is office working an option?

PinkWaferBiscuit · 06/02/2022 22:14

If you both work from home I absolutely wouldn't get a Nanny. It wouldnt work at all. They would either need to be out of the house all day or spend a lot of time keeping your children from trying to get to you, especially your eldest as they will know you're just thr other side of a door.

I would leave them in the nursery, they will have a routine, friends and most importantly you are already happy with the setting.

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KimikosNightmare · 06/02/2022 22:18

@RG2468

How can a nanny be cheaper? Have you looked at costs of employing someone?

Goodness knows what OP is thinking of paying but we employed a nanny and in the 1990s it was far more expensive than a nursery sold would have been.

It was worth it for the convenience.

TataMamma · 06/02/2022 22:39

I second all the views on working at home with a nanny/kids around - unless maybe you have a garden shed/office you can use?
Wouldn't a childminder work better for you?
Or could you mix and match - nursery just in the mornings and then a nanny or childminder for the pm?

Original poster

RMarieClaire · 07/02/2022 06:45

Ok thanks everyone! I hadn’t really considered this with wfh. I could go into the office but it’s a long commute (70 mins) so not ideal. Maybe I need to rethink! We have a basement office which is quite separate from the main house but only one of us can work down there. I think my ideal scenario would be nursery 2/3 days and nanny the days I commute but I don’t know if that would work financially. Anyone do this?

OP posts:

Original poster

RMarieClaire · 07/02/2022 06:49

@RG2468

How can a nanny be cheaper? Have you looked at costs of employing someone?

I know it sounds crazy. But nursery costs in our area (surrey) are ridiculous. Two full time is almost £3400 a month. Prices have just gone up by £100 a month per child too.

OP posts:

QforCucumber · 07/02/2022 06:51

We’re a bit further ahead than you as Ds1 is in school but we use a childminder for the wraparound care and a nursery full time for Ds2, they’re both tired and just want to stay home by the end of the week so we tend to have a quiet Friday evening/Saturday and so something fun Sundays.

It is much cheaper this way than a nanny, you’d have to also take into account pension contributions, national insurance, holidays, other incidental expenses, insurance costs when employing someone.

Is your eldest starting school nursery this September? If so the nursery costs are only as high for another 7 months.

Original poster

RMarieClaire · 07/02/2022 06:52

lol. I’m not thinking of slave labour . Just also not a £50k salary! Which is basically what nursery is here (£3384) a month.

OP posts:

steppingcarefully · 07/02/2022 07:00

As a nanny I would say your set up at home with both of you working would not be easy. The children know you are there and will want to be with you. If one of them is upset you will hear them and it will be hard to not step in and take over. I have worked where both parents were working upstairs, even that was difficult at times. Parent pops down for a drink or lunch, children want them to play and then get upset that they have to get back to work. Have you looked into all the costs of a nanny? Tax, NI, pension, holiday pay, sick pay. It's usually not a cheaper option plus do you have a back up plan if the nanny is off sick at the last minute? All things to think about.

boomshakalacka · 07/02/2022 07:08

Why do you need full time if you only work 3 days per week? Are your hours increasing?

Original poster

RMarieClaire · 07/02/2022 07:17

I work full time - part from home part in the office.

OP posts:

RedRobin100 · 07/02/2022 07:25

My MIL minds our toddler Monday’s and Tuesdays in our house whilst I (and my husband on Tuesdays) work upstairs. The older my son gets the more he knows we’re there. There will be the off spell of him getting unsettled /wailing MAMAMA up the stairs, but she can bring him round.
It’s working fine for us but it may be harder for a nanny who might feel overlooked or under pressure etc.

What about a mix of nanny and nursery days for when you’re in office? That way there’s also getting the social benefit of nursery

RedRobin100 · 07/02/2022 07:28

However nursery also has the benefit of PAYG and less risky around nanny sick days etc.
The whole nanny/employment admin piece sounds complicated and a lot of hassle maybe, particularly if only doing it part time!

idontknow54789 · 07/02/2022 07:41

We have a nanny and work from home - it's been amazing. The eldest (3) goes to the local pre school in the mornings so he's still getting out and she takes our youngest to a local playgroup. Then they have lunch at home, the youngest naps then after that they tend to get out to the park in the afternoon. We both wfh and really hasn't been a problem - as long as you're working upstairs. They're out a lot of the day anyway and it's lovely to see them during my lunch break. She's a godsend and like you was the same cost as both of them in nursery plus makes our life infinitely easier.

totallytotalled · 07/02/2022 07:47

We had a nanny and it's a lot simpler if you can find one that just charges by the day and doesn't need the full employment by yourself.

Agree with the working at home issues though.

lboogy · 07/02/2022 07:48

Op are you entitled to tax free childcare? And does the nursery offer siblings discount?

I'm faceibf the prospect of childcare for twins and a toddler in a few months and nursery is still cheaper than a nanny. Ft nanny from what I worked out was near enough 40k. A nanny would deserve every penny and more but I can't afford it.

Nursery with discounts and tax free childcare came to about £150-200 less.

StringyPotatoes · 07/02/2022 07:53

Many nannies don't like working with WFH parents but there are a few of us around who are okay with it.

I am nanny to a child who has both parents at home 5 days a week and the key is clear and consistent boundaries. Child knows they can go and find Mum for a nap etc as long as the door to the study is open. If its closed, she's on a call and we find something else to do.

Parents of course come downstairs to get drinks and snacks or whatever but if they need to go then they go even if Child is upset. They can hear how quickly he settles. It's usually a wail of disappointment rather than any deep distress.

It's been 18mths and as far as I'm aware we're all very happy and have no plans to part ways until it's absolutely necessary!

If you have a nanny in your set up then you need to really like each other and have the same "parenting" philosophy otherwise you'll irritate each other and get in each others way.

Totally do-able but may be difficult to find the right person.

Classicblunder · 07/02/2022 07:55

We both WFH and have a day off each with the kids. That hasn't been too bad in terms of the kids wanting to come and find the one who is working - key is working out of the living area and being really disciplined and consistent about it.

When I looked into a nanny, I was surprised how much the costs added up. Not just the tax/NI stuff but also food for the kids and the nanny (this seems to be expected), activities for the kids (esp with two kids), extra wear and tear on the house.

Username7521 · 07/02/2022 07:57

Hi OP make sure you do your sums. A 35k nanny will cost you approx 46k a year (I might be being a little generous with pension with my sums). Remember you need to pay NI and pension plus holiday sickness etc.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 07/02/2022 07:59

Definitely a nanny, if you can afford it, you can find a way to make it work with you WFH and you'll get to see more of the kids. Plus it'll be better for your younger one having more one - to-one care rather than being in a group setting. I know nursery is totally fine and what most people use but there's no way I'd choose that option over a good nanny!

steppingcarefully · 07/02/2022 08:14

@totallytotalled

We had a nanny and it's a lot simpler if you can find one that just charges by the day and doesn't need the full employment by yourself. Agree with the working at home issues though.

If the nanny is expected to work the same hours every week this would have to be an employed role. Being a self employed nanny is a bit of a grey area, I've been looking into it for myself.

thebigpurpleone · 07/02/2022 08:19

Could you and your husband both do a nine day fortnight and alternate Fridays off so you have more time with them?

Bouledeneige · 07/02/2022 08:31

Generally the best quality care is provided by a nanny in your own home. Sometimes a nanny share can make it more affordable provided the other family live close by. Nurseries can be a bit much full time and you can't take the DC in if they're ill (leith coughs and colds) which is quite frequent at that age). A nanny can still provide care though to kids with a cold. They can take them to play groups etc to be sociable and it's a closer equivalent to a parent's care if they weren't working.

It's up to you if you think you can have sufficient separation from the nanny whilst WFH. Most nannies don't love being right under the parent's noses either.

Rrrob · 07/02/2022 08:40

We have a nanny and it’s slightly more than 2 nursery places. We are on the Kent/ London border. Our nanny costs us £17ph gross once NI and pension have been included.

We both wfh and will be doing a few days in the office from March. Honestly, it’s not ideal and as lovely as she is, I wish I’d considered a nursery more.

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