Christening

[Bluegem01]

So I am Catholic and my OH is Church of England. I have been christened, had my holy communion and have also been confirmed. My OH has just been christened.

My father died of cancer last year a few weeks before our baby was born and one thing he was looking forward to was the christening.

I am not a regular Sunday church goer but I do go sometimes to say a prayer or light candles for my love ones. My OH isn't a believer which I respect.

Anyway, I have always thought to have our baby christened at my family church and then have a blessing at his families. The subject came up when I was with his mother and she straight away shot me down and said she would prefer for our baby to be christened in their church and that it's a tradition that the baby is christened where it's father was. Straight away she knew I didn't agree and we left it at that. I brought it up with my OH and he gets irritated which is annoying.

His church means nothing to me. He doesn't even go there. His mother does the flowers there and is close to them all and I think that's why she wants is to have it there. Plus, her daughter is having their baby christened in a Catholic Church. I feel so strongly about this that I am angry with her that she is trying to control what we do with our child and that my OH isn't helpful.

Is there a "so called" tradition like she said that I am missing?? I can't see that there is! I feel like my father would turn in his grave and I am standing my ground, it's not her decision.

This is between you and DH not between you and his Mother.

Did you discuss the baby's religion with your OH in advance? My DH is Catholic and I'm an atheist albeit was christened in the CoE. I knew before we had a child that he would want it baptised in the Catholic Church and I agreed to that because it was important to him. Are you planning on bringing your baby up in the Catholic faith and going to mass with them etc? If so, I think they should be christened in your church.

As others have said, it's not your MIL's decision. It's a conversation for you and your OH to have.

We've just had our LO christened. I am Catholic and my DH atheist, although christened CofE. We had several lengthy discussions about how we each feel about christening our child (why we would be doing it, any reservations etc). We then arranged a discussion with the priest where we were very upfront and honest about our beliefs. We made sure the priest knew my DH is atheist and that he wouldn't want to declare his faith in something that he doesn't believe in.

I think you need to forget your MIL. It's hard as it's horrid when family members have differing opinions and wish to control your decisions. However, it's for you and your OH to decide. If you decide to go ahead, you just need to inform your MIL of the date and place of the baptism 🤷‍♀️

If your partner isn't a believer and you are only an occasional church goer, then do you need to get your child christened at all? I believe many churches offer blessings, so you could always have your baby blessed in both churches and christened in neither. As your child grows up then they might have a preference for one or the other (or neither) so I'd wait to see what they think and believe as to whether they even want to be christened.

I am presuming that you did not have a catholic service (?) as the pre-marriage course would normally require a conversation between you and your OH about how you both want to deal with your childrens faith formation.
If you had a CoE service I can see where your MIL may have an expectation about any faith service.

However irrespective of any outside expectation this is a conversation you and your DH need to have.
I would be a little suspicious of his reaction of getting irritated. Is he a non-believer or just non-practicing?
Is this because he is not willing to upset his mother or has he realised that his faith is something which he wants to pass on to his children after all?

I think you need to start with the assumption that he (not his mother) would like the CoE option.
Other than the service what other faith formation elements do you want to incorporate into your childrens lives?
Do you want them to attend church regularly, sunday school a catholic ethos school etc etc?
I think you need to work out what you want.
if its only a single service would you be satisfied to have a "private" christening with you, your husband and godparents and not involve his family?

There is absolutely no such tradition. In fact I don't know anyone who has been christened in the same place as their parents. I think it's nice to have a christening where they know the family - it does make a big difference to the service however you should not feel forced to have your child christened anywhere.

How about avoiding any arguments by not having the baby christened at all and letting them make up their own mind about which, if any, religion they might wish to identify with when they are old enough?

she would prefer for our baby to be christened in their church and that it's a tradition that the baby is christened where it's father was

Would she now. There is no such tradition. What exactly is your DH irritated about?

Your MIL has had her time with her babies. This is your time and your baby. It’s between you and DH to decide.

Allow your child to make this decision for themselves when they are mature enough to.

Hi OP, i dont believe there is such a tradition. Are you and your OH married? I am CoE and DH is Catholic. We got married in my church but for his church to recognise our marriage, we did the catholic pre-wedding course and i had to sign a document in which it stated i was committed to raising any children as catholic. We are having DD baptised soon in a catholic church. If you are married, did your OH make such a commitment? Obviously my preference would be that she is christened in my church but i stand by the commitment i made to DH. When she is older we will talk to her about both denominations and if she wants to switch then we will support her decision.

In any case, its nothing to do with his mother, but I would say he needs to be explaining whatever the decision is to his mother, once the two of you have decided. Its not fair for her to be putting pressure on you.