What 'should' I be doing with a 2 year old?

[Disneyblueeyes]

Sounds like a silly question, but I can't decide how terrible a mother I am.
I'm part time in a demanding job (teacher) and I work long hours Wednesday to Friday. Saturdays I'm shattered and I find it quite hard to switch off from work. I'm thinking about work every day, and I'm off most of the week!

I have a demanding toddler. She's at the stage where she's saying 'no' alot and will happily have a tantrum in the middle of a shop if she doesn't get what she wants.

My DH is great and does what he can, but he works full time and helps out alot mornings/evenings when I'm working, so weekends he's a bit shattered too.
I find it hard to keep her entertained all day long particularly on my days off.
Yes I could take her out places but I'm a bit uncomfortable doing this on my own - it's often more stress than it's worth and I can't wait to get back home. I worry if she has a tantrum I don't have any support. Family and friends are usually working on my days off.
All she wants to do is watch Frozen on TV so it's hard work trying to engage her with her (many) toys when she just wants to sit and watch Frozen.
I guess I just feel a bit bored at the moment that my life revolves around keeping her happy. I don't really have any hobbies of my own and I wouldn't know what to do if I had time to myself. I tend to just go on my laptop and plan lessons for weeks in advance. My hubby tells me I can have time to myself whenever I like on a weekend but I often don't as I have no clue what I'd do, yet I'm resentful if he has a few hours to himself tinkering with his cars as I'm on my own with my daughter trying to entertain her.
I just don't know how to get out of this rut and what I should be doing to be a better parent, and happier really.

I really would t worry about her having tantrums whilst you're out, it's fairly normal and everyone's toddlers do it at some time.

I'm more worried about you though, you sound really, really down. I've had a couple of bouts of mild depression since I've had the DC and it's always manifested itself in me not wanting to do anything with the DC or even without them.

When my middle child was 2 I joined a hobby/club for 1 hour a week- I wasn't even bothered about the subject matter but it was local and a time that was convenient so I signed up (new years resolution as I felt exactly as you describe!). It's been brilliant for me- I need that structure to have the 'me time' out of the house and I am more fulfilled and happy having a hobby. My youngest is just 2 and in full tantrum mode- you have my full sympathy on that.

Several things. I recommend reading How To Talk So Little Kids Listen and No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury. Both have really good strategies for avoiding tantrums and getting in and out of places.

I would try to knock the Frozen on the head. I'm laid back about screen time but it sounds like it's affecting day to day life. At 2 there are lots of places to go and things to see: soft play, parks, the library, even the supermarket. I understand being anxious to avoid tantrums but I think kids need to be exposed to daily life to learn how to navigate things, and I don't think staying home will do either of you any favours in the long run. Not every trip has to be some magical Disney experience but even just going out to the park breaks up the day.

We have quite a few classes that run during the days, such as forest toddler sessions, that might be fun for you both as it's an environment where no one bats an eyelid at toddler tantrums!

Trying to keep a 2yo occupied in the house is really tough. My DD is quite easy but we still have to get out and about most days or the days are super long, and I notice a big difference in her behaviour if we have a couple of days at home on the trot. She gets really whiny and unengaged with stuff.

I actually came on this morning to write a similar post… if it helps you are not alone. My partner works shifts so I am alone with our toddler the majority of the time. I use my childcare options for the 3 days that I work so if I’m not at work, I’m with DC and it’s exhausting. I also don’t have any hobbies and would have no idea what to do with myself if I did actually have any time to myself.

You dont sound like a terrible mother at all! I have a 2 year old and the same work schedule as you. I find the day goes most enjoyably if we go out. I know you don't like this but maybe if you started doing it more, you would get more confident and enjoy it more. Who cares if she has a tantrum? If it's the park, who would even hear?

Even if it's the shops, so what? Two year olds cry sometimes, everyone understands that. Mine loves to start a tantrum while I'm scanning all my stuff at the checkout. I just continue and don't react.

Day goes - wake up and get ready, go to gym (put 2 year old in creche), go to park/bike ride/swimming pool/soft play, home for lunch, nap time. Then play at home, dinner, bath, bed.

Sitting at home all day playing with toys with a reluctant two year old? I feel bored even thinking about it!

I think great advice from @Hugasauras - keep it simple with short trips out and about. She needs stimulation, but it really doesn't have to be anything fancy. Try and comment on things you can see to help her language. Read to her whenever you can. If you can cope with the mess things like sand, play dough or water will likely keep her engaged. Make sure she has change to run, climb etc. Also interacting with other children and practicing taking turns is good. However all two year olds will tantrum, not want to share etc, it's just part of being two!!

My husband tells me I can have time to myself whenever I like on a weekend but I often don't as I have no clue what I'd do

You don't have to do anything, you just need a break. Go and sit in Costa (other cafes are available) and drink coffee & read a magazine for an hour. You just need to be able to mentally switch off and not be 'on duty' all the time.

You need to go out. No one else will care about tantrums.

Took ds for a long walk this morning just through the woods. He was in sling 5 mins either end, but walked and ran through the woods and fields the rest of the time just picking up pinecones or leaves. Saw a few cows.
Then meant he’s just eaten a better lunch and down for a nap with less fuss as knackered ( we are ahead of uk time here).

This afternoon I don’t feel so bad about him just pottering around whilst we get bits done and relax.

Weekdays I try and get out twice a day, even if they are just morning trip to local supermarket, or wander around the block or in own garden.

I think it might be important to find friends that are free on your days off...only thing I can think of is joining some kind of toddler group?
Get in on the coffee afterwards if you can - you don't have to look for life long friends, just someone you can drink a coffee with and talk about kids stuff.
I found two really good friends this way and cannot even describe the relief of being able to go to each other's houses, chat over coffee and let the kids entertain each other for a morning. Of course, we go out for the odd evening child free meal too now , which is also great!
I feel a bit weird making this suggestion, I hated going to the group initially and willed myself along saying it was for my child....turns out it was for both of us though.

Thank you all. I took her for a little ride on her bike earlier for half an hour or so and she enjoyed that.
She likes going for walks but she can suddenly decide she doesn't want to walk anymore and just starts lying on the floor...she's very heavy to carry.
Problem is I have very little motivation at the moment. I have had lots of problems with my mental health over the years and it's been particularly bad this week. I find I just can't be bothered to do anything some days and find excuses all the time. I've had plenty of support and am on meds but anxiety (particularly health anxiety - I have emetophobia which can be debilitating at times) still lingers daily.
It doesn't help our kitchen is being done at the moment so it's all a bit chaotic.

@CreakingWreck

I think it might be important to find friends that are free on your days off...only thing I can think of is joining some kind of toddler group? Get in on the coffee afterwards if you can - you don't have to look for life long friends, just someone you can drink a coffee with and talk about kids stuff. I found two really good friends this way and cannot even describe the relief of being able to go to each other's houses, chat over coffee and let the kids entertain each other for a morning. Of course, we go out for the odd evening child free meal too now , which is also great! I feel a bit weird making this suggestion, I hated going to the group initially and willed myself along saying it was for my child....turns out it was for both of us though.

I have tried but there's hardly anything on a Tuesday which is the best day really for this. Most groups seem to run Wed -Fri. I'll have another look.

I didn’t love going out with my 2yr old just us two but I did enjoy trips with friends with same age children. If you don’t have any then I’d try a few paid for activities and see if you can meet some. They don’t have to become best mates but just pleasant enough company for an hour or two at the park.

Hi OP, sorry you’re feeling so down. I have a 17 month old and I also work 3 days a week teaching (although I’m going back full time in September). I think you need to address your work life balance, in my experience teaching will take as much time as you allow it, you’re part time and you shouldn’t be spending all your days off thinking about work. Is this due to school being particularly high pressure or pressure you’re putting on yourself?
Toddlers are hard work, but I think by not taking her out, if she’s anything like my DS, you’re making it harder for yourself. I also have problems with anxiety (PTSD) and it does affect me but I know that the only thing that makes it better is challenging myself to do things. For walks, can you get a backpack/toddler carrier? I always take ours and then when DS gets tired I can carry him easily and we can go on longer walks. Fresh air does us both the world of good. Groups are good but simple things like a trip to library are helpful.
I don’t always enjoy trips out with my DS, sometimes we have a lovely time, sometimes it’s a bit of a nightmare but that’s just life with toddlers.
Do you have any hobbies or anything you enjoy? Personally I run and do yoga, but also love reading a book or just watching something I enjoy on TV! You need some time for yourself, take your husband up on his offer and find something that makes you feel like ‘you’ that isn’t lesson planning!!

Trips dont have to be huge. Even just going to your local park or corner shop will give you and your toddler some fresh air and a change of scenery.

I had a feeling that you were really struggling

Could you ask the GP for some more counselling or talk to the Pandas Foundation.

Agree with you just going to Costa but there's nothing wrong with you sending DH and DD out for a couple of hours and you just having a nap, going to get your hair done or meeting a friend for coffee.