Tired, stressed and want to cry

[sharkyandme]

Tired, stressed and on the verge of tears. I'm a mum to 4 year old twins. They are beautiful children and I love them more than anything in the world but they are expensive, hard work and I'm struggling.

I spent the first few years attending every mother and toddler group I could get to. It was easier than staying in the house. My in laws kindly offered childcare for half a day - which was a godsend. My parents take them out sometimes but it's not regular.

The pandemic hit when they were 2 years old and as you can imagine it was very difficult.

When they turned 3, I managed to find part time work that suited perfectly. The job is insecure though. 6 months rolling contract. The job is relatively straightforward but the insecurity is difficult.

There is talk of my job ending so I'm looking for a new job. Money is constantly on my mind.

I want to be the best person I can be for my babies and I feel like I'm falling short not being able to provide for everything they need if I lose my job.

My husband is supportive, loving and has a good job but it doesn't cover all our outgoings.

I don't know why I'm typing this.

You're typing because you're tired and need to vent. To be expected.

My twins are 5. Absolutely incredible and totally exhausting all in one. It's hard. We find ourselves saying all the time "what are we missing? How are other people breezing this?"

I wish I had some amazing advice but I don't I'm afraid - just here, reassuring you that you're not alone and it certainly does get easier. They get older. They play alone. You can occasionally breathe!

Until then... hang in there! Sure you're doing a great job!

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Have you gone through your finances like a fine tooth comb? Are there any outgoings you can cut back on or better still stop I had a friend that struggled and had a costly gym membership that in my opinion could have done without. I do pilates at home. I bought dumbbells with different weights. I go running. This is just an example but sometimes things are not a necessity. Do you pay for Netflix etc?

In relation to food shopping. Do you do have a weekly meal plan and do a weekly shop? Batch cooking is great to save money.

Do you constantly shop around for the cheapest in relation to Bill's for the house?

I’m sorry it sounds like you’re going through a tough time but it also sounds like you’re a great mum!! Don’t be so hard on yourself.

It sounds like the main source of stress is your job and this is creating the overwhelm.
From what you have said, the ongoing insecurity of it has always been stressful, so i honestly would see the ‘talk of the job ending’ as a positive thing and use it to take back control and find something that suits you better. Security for your family (understandably) sounds important to you, so start there. How can you find that in your next role?

Clear yourself some time today, ask your husband to take the twins for an hour or so, get a brew and a pen and paper and come up with a plan. Whether thats searching for new jobs, having a frank conversation with your current work about whats going on and how you’re feeling so you know where you stand. Whatever it is you feel you want to do to take back control of this situation.

Its simply not true that you are failing your family and it’s not really helping you or them to feel that way. It’s just making you feel worse.

Be kinder to yourself and try to take small steps today to come up with some solutions to get the things you need to feel better!

I was just short tempered with them yesterday as my parents don't seem to realise how difficult and organised you have to be with twins sometimes.

My twins are only 15 months, so I can't offer advice as such. But I think very few singleton mums realise just how difficult twins are. They are an unplanned for expense and the logistics are bloody hard! Things that I found totally straightforward with my eldest (e.g. getting to the car to go somewhere) are just so much more complicated.

You get far fewer offers of help with childcare with twins too. Which sucks. I'm incredibly lucky with the support I get from my family (my DH is often out in the evenings just when I need to ve getting everyone bathed and into bed, so my parents will pop in to lend a hand, which I s a godsend!), but even with that challenging situations crop up all the time and you dont feel like you can ask a mum friend to take both.

I agree with the PP that said you need a bit of time/space to think about your job and what you want. This might turn out to be an opportunity to find something that suits you better now your two are nearly school age.

Being short tempered isn't the end of the world. I have been so short tempered since having twins, it is a bit stress so you will.sometimes crack. We are all human.

I've almost 2-year old twins, and I'm a lone parent, so I get how hard it is. The pressure is on me to be the sole provider for my kids. My job is well paid, but is in a cut-throat industry, so I'm always worried about being made redundant.
Could you start looking for a role in a more stable job?