Feeling like the worst mum :(

[Zolla]

Just wanted a space to talk really..

I have emetephobia & I’ve had it as long as I can remember, right back to being a child. I’m terrified of anything vomit related, other people being sick, people being fake sick on the telly & myself being sick is obviously the biggest of my concerns.

I always hoped as a parent, I’d be able to overcome my fear & that my love for my kids would over rule my fever but despite the fact I’d walk to the end of the earth for my kids, I cannot deal with sick. I just freeze & go into a ridiculous spin.

My youngest has had diarrhoea for the past two days & along with an email from nursery to say they’ve had a few cases of v&d reported.. we realised she’d caught a bug. I’ve felt mildly anxious but I can just about deal with horrible poos & today, she’s been completely fine, eating her tea etc. Cue an hour ago & she’s woken up vomiting everywhere 💔 I can’t even bring myself to hug her. She looked so confused when I backed away 💔 I feel absolutely broken, I love her beyond words but in this moment, my fear overtakes me and I have to run away. Luckily, my husband is very supportive and deals with absolutely everything sick related. So my kiddos get plenty of love & comfort. But it should be me & I don’t know how to get past my stupid phobia. I feel pathetic & that I’m a terrible mum. I should be worrying about DD but instead I’m sat downstairs crying & shaking about the possibility of me getting it now she’s been sick while I was nearby..

I just hate myself & wish whatever triggered it in childhood had never happened 😣

Contact AnxietyUK. Phobias are highly treatable and there's no need to suffer.

That must be so difficult bless you. Is it a particular thing that makes it worse like the smell or sight?
Can DH clean her up and you go and give cuddles and stories?

I think looking forward you need to get help, maybe start with your gp? Just because DH won’t always be there and it’s important, especially when she’s poorly and sleeping, that you’re able to check on her, clean up if needed and be able to react speedily if she starts to choke or something.

Don't waste time hating yourself.
Phobia's are treatable.
Seek out therapeutic support tomorrow.

Well right now it’s ok because your DH is here.

Don’t beat yourself up, phobias are hard to overcome. Take a look online for some treatments , and see if your GP can refer you (although that will take time, so if you can pay, do.)

Happily, the older they get the less they’ll throw up .

A psychotherapist called Anna Mathur has some great advice on this on her blog - google Anna Mathur emetophobia. I do not have this issue but have found her advice & sofa sessions useful for other things.
Don’t blame yourself - its not that your love hasn't been able to “over rule” this phobia, thats not how love or phobias work. I think its actually harder to get over things like this in situations when your kids are present. Hope everyone feels better today.

I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling with emetophobia zolla. I understand first hand what a specific phobia it is and how debilitating it can be. My 11 year old daughter developed it a couple of years ago and it came to a crisis before Christmas and life became utterly desperate. She said she would rather die than be sick and so I understand just how deep seated your fear is and how impossible it must feel for you to care for your children when they are unwell. It isn't your fault.

Thankfully we found a fantastic book called The Emetophobia Manual. We've been working on the treatment programme for four weeks and she has gone from being unable to whisper the word vomit, to being able to comfortably look at photos of people actually being sick that would gross out most non-emetophobes. The graded exposure is very, very challenging for her but it works and although we still have a long way to go I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

Best wishes to you.

You're not a bad mum let alone the worst. When DH has cleaner her up give her a big hug. I would recommend trying to get some support though to overcome or at least find coping mechanisms that work- what if you were home alone with her when it happened? It would be unfair to leave her covered. She might also pick up on the fact you recoil, I would probably send DH up and not see her until after as I suspect that'd be less upsetting for her than seeing you disturbed by it. You're human.

I have this and spoke to my GP about Talking Therapies - I did some of the online phobia modules, they were very helpful. Emetophobia for me is part of wider health anxiety which I still have some work to do on, but I definitely made some progress with that part of it good luck OP