Is my 4.5 year old son’s behaviour appropriate?

[DontWantTheRivalry]

I have a son who is 4.5 years old and for as long as I can remember I’ve always had a niggling feeling that something just isn’t ‘right’.

He seems very emotionally young for his age and based on his behaviour and his ‘neediness’ (mainly directed towards me) he could be mistaken for being younger - and he frequently is.

Sometimes he can seem so so hyper - he just doesn’t stop. He can run and bounce around the house for hours…..he’s not being naughty or mischievous or anything like that, he just seems to really enjoy doing it. And when I say he can do it for hours on end I’m not exaggerating. It’s exhausting.

Sometimes it feels like he can’t just stand still and that he has to be doing ‘something’ - like constantly hopping, or constantly punching the air, or constantly jumping up and down. It’s like his body has to be doing something.

We have huge issues with his eating in that he is so picky and gags a lot on food - he seems really sensitive to some tastes and trying to get him try new foods just results in a total meltdown. As a result he’s quite small and petite and that probably adds to him appearing younger too.

He isn’t disruptive as such but if me and DH are talking then DS wouldn’t think twice about just butting in and asking us something. We tell him it’s rude to interrupt and that me and DH are talking and his reaction is to whisper “please can I tell you something, please can I say something?” So he knows he shouldn’t be interrupting because he says it with a whisper, but he still constantly interrupts.

He can play alone really happily and always talks to himself and never stops chattering away….and although it’s good he can use his imagination I do wonder whether it’s ‘normal’ to be so encompassed in his own world during play.

He used to make lots of random loud screechy noises but that had stopped over the last few months.

I have spoken to my childminder, who has had my son for over 3 years now, and she said that he can be boisterous and always on the go but it’s nothing that worries her.

But I don’t know - something just seems ‘off’

I have an older son and I don’t remember ever feeling like this.

Is anyone in a similar situation?

A lot of people are saying to wait and see but waiting lists are so long I would advise just talking to someone now. My son is looking at a two year wait before his very first ADHD appointment. Autism will take one year. Everyone says to us ‘at least we’re doing this early’. I can tell myself he’s ok, he’s only in P2 (Scottish equivalent of year 1), he’ll get there but as time passes more and more will be expected of him and I can’t rely on he’s young still, he’s just getting used to school still etc etc.

Sorry didn’t fully read your post. Emotional immaturity is also a dyspraxia thing and my son plays a blinder babies he’s always been taller than his age and younger than his age emotionally. He’s 12 now and like a 10 year old in a 14/15 year olds body. The tantrums and emotional outbursts have been a nightmare.

He sounds like a totally normal, but very bored, 4 year old. I suspect his behaviour would be better and calmer if you’d allowed him to start school with his peers.

You’re probably right…..it’s a well known fact that as soon as a child wakes up on their 4th birthday they are bored shitless and going to dying to start school….

Anyway….

I’m not too a concerned about school being a shock to him as he’s not used to being around lots of other children his age. My first son went to a childminder right up until he went to school and he never had any problems with settling in.

My 4.5 year old is going to a party next week (a child who is about to turn 4) so I’m looking forward to going and watching him socialise with them and see how his behaviour compares to theirs etc as I think it will give me more of an idea as to whether I’m over-reacting or whether there is something ‘different’ with my son.

At his age it could all fall within normal range, so wait and see if he settles down a bit in a year or so.

I would say my DS at that age needed absolutely masses of exercise, or else he would be bouncing around the house like your son. I mean parkrun, football, 5 mile bike rides, 2 hours at the scooter park, 1 hour picking up leaves in the garden just to take the edge off him.

I also think school will be a much more useful indicator of where he stands than parties etc. It is reassuring that his childminder feels his behaviour is not unusual. It may be that your older DC was the outlier!