How to raise a toddler in the best possible way?

[chickpeas78]

I hope to raise my little girl to be strong and resilient, secure in herself, warm, kind and empathetic and also polite with good manners. I’d like to know how to bring her up to embody all these positive traits and how to be the best mum to her that I can be at this age (she’s only 23 months).

Is it too soon to try and encourage her to say please and thank you for example? At the moment she’s very demanding (a typical almost two year old I suppose!) Perhaps it’s too soon to try this as she probably won’t understand?

How can I attempt to instil in her all the other values I mentioned above?

I read (listened on audible) to various books which I found helpful:
The whole brain child
No drama discipline
The montessori toddler
How to talk so little kids will listen
The book you wish your parents read

Have you tried reading any books about it? I've read that the best way to instil manners is to set a good example yourself so modelling genuine gratitude etc. Apparently better than just forcing them to parrot the words back at every opportunity but what do I know!

I think the best way is to model the behaviour you want to see, with your child and with other people. So for example, if they hear you saying please and thank you to your OH, your mum, the person serving you in the coffee shop they learn that's what you do.

It's hard isn't it, I'm always fretting about the best way to bring my toddler up. I definitely think manners are important. He does say thank you about half of the time. We try and get him to help tidy up a small amount, with mixed success! He's a little sponge atm so we have to be so careful how we phrase things.

+1 for modelling it, but not just manners, the whole lot.

I do read parenting books, but the way I see it we all gravitate to the parenting styles we like anyway, there isn’t a ‘right’ style. Eg we all want resilient kind kids but some will like attachment parenting, RIE, ‘gentle’ parenting, supernanny…there are so many different approaches. I think the only bit that really matters is to be loving and to model what you care about.

I think the most important thing is role modelling those values and behaviours in the way you interact with her and others.

I’d also just say to manage your expectations about age appropriate behaviour for toddlers. They can be demanding and difficult, that’s normal and doesn’t mean she won’t turn out to be well mannered. There is a lot you can do to I still good behaviour/values but don’t expect too much too soon.

As well as some of the books already mentioned, I’m following some good Instagram accounts that I find useful for understanding how to parent toddlers:
Big little feelings
Transforming toddlerhood
The mom psychologist

The best way is to show her through your own actions. With my 22mo every time he asks me for something I always say '..thank you!' after giving it to him to remind him. And he repeats it after me. I'm trying to make it into a habit when you receive something you always say thank you. Small things like this. But they definitely absorb so much so if you want to instil these characteristics then it's how you interact with her and others around you.

The book I never tire of recommending is the excellent Margo Sunderland's What Every Parent Needs To Know. It is accessible, warm, practical and down-to-earth. The strap line "The remarkable effects of love, nurture and play on your child's development" says it all.
As a primary teacher with a keen interest in early child development as well as a parent, I advocate (in no particular order) modelling in RL, modelling through play, play, play as well as warm, affirming, authentic and responsive listening-first communication with your child as a starting point for how you talk about things big and small.
In my work, I see children who have been engaged with from a place of empathy, patience, kindness, interest and respect generally find things like politeness and respect come much more easily; like a second nature, as opposed to when children have been 'taught' to respect their elders etc.