Husband is depressed

[SolidarityMom]

DD1 is just four weeks old.

My husband is so depressed that the hardest part of my days is dealing with him. He gets cross quickly and always thinks I'm criticising him.

He keeps saying he will seek some help but doesn't do it.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? I am 100% breastfeeding so doing all the night shifts. I can't look after both if them. I feel bad for getting cross too but I want to enjoy my time with my perfect new baby.

Any help or advice?

That’s really, really horrible for you all! But you mostly as you are responsible for the feeding and going through everything post-birth. You are clearly very tough! Don’t forget that.

While you continue to encourage him to seek support, would it help if you told him that it would be for you and baby not just him?

Would it help to think of yourself as a single mother with a room mate, just to get through this bit? So expectations are lowered for him and you are not disappointed.

Would you give him an ultimatum if he hasn’t got help by X date?

Can you seek any support for yourself before things get any harder? Would it help to confide in someone else? Get friends and family to rally round with practical support?

I’m sorry if these all sound silly, just throwing ideas out there. Best of luck! And keep posting on here as an outlet!

Part of depression is unfortunately that you are not motivated to seek help. Its part of the condition. Could you gently discuss with him that its best that he seeks help for himself and your family. Stress you are not judging him but really want him to be better. I have had depression and its awful. Its like living in a dark house with one candle lighting all the time. Nothing makes sense for him now and the 'happy time' of having a baby is making him feel worse. Its so treatable but often sufferers cannot advocate for themselves. Does he have a good mate who looks out for him?

Sounds really hard for you OP.

Can you seek some help from friends and family in real life?

Don't be scared to tell someone what's going on and ask for help with this. You and your baby are in a vulnerable state after only 4 weeks. You are in need of support.

Do you think you can do that?

Can you speak to your HV and see if they can offer something or a route to some help? I'm under perinatal mental health but they did say they have some support for partners, its not as much but it's something, perhaps a way in. As pp said it is to benefit you all

That's a really practical idea. Thankyou.