I had my first DS last September. He was born unexpectedly at home which resulted in the arrival of paramedics, an ambulance to hospital and surgery for a retained placenta when I got there.
On our first night in hospital I was woken by a paediatrician at 12am who said that DS was being taken away to be examined. All routine. She came back shortly after and told me she had asked a more senior colleague to look at DS (something about checking his salt levels). At 1.30am I was woken by a consultant who's opening line (on a ward full of other mothers and their babies) was "So we're not sure if your baby is a boy or a girl". He went on to say that my DH and I should hold off naming DS or even telling anyone that we'd had a boy.
To cut a long story short, over the coming days DS was taken for scans and had tests for chromosomal abnormalities. I was given a private room but practically every time a midwife came in I was asked if I had named DS yet - it was all so insensitive.
Eventually it was found that DS was a boy, although he'll need an operation to fix his hypospadias and there's a question mark over his testosterone production in later life.
I know that I should be grateful to have a healthy baby but I'm finding that I'm struggling to bond with him. I never felt that first rush of love and if I'm being brutally honest I take care of his needs out of some sense of duty - I can't say that I enjoy playing with him (maybe that's because he gets bored really quickly, I don't know).
He refused to breastfeed (despite me going to breastfeeding support classes) so I don't know if that has something to do with it either. We never really did the skin to skin thing in the hospital because I was whisked away for surgery.
I can't decide if I could have PND or if what I'm feeling is to do with my birth experience which will just take time to get over. I feel sad that I never got the experience of a midwife handing him to me after giving birth and telling me that I'd had a boy. I went through a phase of obsessing about everything that could have gone wrong with the home birth.
To add, I do take him to baby classes and I go to the gym myself, so we are getting out and about. DS has loving grandparents on both sides and is well looked after. My parents especially help out loads so it's not like I don't have a support network. I just feel like I'm going through the motions and pretending though.
Not sure if it's relevant, but I also have no sex drive whatsoever.
Wise Mumsnetters - do I need to speak to my GP, or just accept that it should come in time?