How old does your five year old hurt you?

[Iwasonline]

Just that really. Asking out of self doubt, self pity and concern for my crappy parenting

I don't think it's your fault at all OP! Kids are just the way they are and I'm not convinced coming down hard on him would be the answer. You need to find out what is going on and why. Behaviour is communication- what is he trying to tell you? Is he very stressed? We act out our inside feelings so shaming kids for violence, tantrums, laziness whatever is counter productive in my view.

Get over the guilt - you need a plan.

Why are they hurting you? What are the circumstances?

My 5 year old doesn't hurt me and neither does my 4 year old.

Think about the times it has happened...

Is it after a day at school?

After a bad nights sleep?

There's nothing wrong with writing it down, you might notice a trigger... is it when you're preoccupied with something else for example?

Go from there.

What do you do when it happens?

Are you being consistent in how you react?

Are you angry or calm?

It's awful that you're going through this and if there's no SEN then hopefully you'll be able to turn it around.

Decide on your strategy and stick with it and make sure anyone involved also sticks with it in the same way.

Sorry you're going through this.

I'm surprised by all these replies. My 7 year old used to hit me during tantrums between the ages of 3-6. I think age 5-6 it was slowing down, age 6 it probably happened once or twice the entire time and now age 7 he never hits me. He has always struggled to manage his anger though.

His 4.5 year old brother is calmer in general and hits less, but still does try to whack me or his dad out of frustration if he's angry about something. Probably happens at least a couple of times a week.

I've seen plenty of other otherwise well-behaved kids at this age hitting their parent out of frustration. I don't think it's a sign of failed parenting or a psychological issue, I just think age 4 and 5 is still very immature and still lacking in self control.

Im surprised by the replies too, my 4 year old has hit, kicked, scratched and bit me during tantrums but everyone is perfect on MN with little angel children who never do anything wrong so I’m not sure you will get honest responses on here op and people will blame your parenting

Physically - never. He has hit out (but not hard or with real intent) at DH once or twice but not for quite a long time.

My DSs certainly don’t fall into the angel bracket, far from it. DS2 just turned 6 and he still tantrums at the drop of a hat (only at home, never school -apparently), he has a speech disorder and can be really frustrated after a school day of not being able to make himself understood the same way his classmates can. He screams and shouts and runs up and down and refuses to do this or that.

However, hitting me or anyone else is off the menu. Otherwise, IMO, you’re giving the message that if your emotions are strong enough that hitting is an ok way to express them. What age would this stop I wonder? 5? 8? 45?

RedCandy the op asked for people's experience with children of the same age and you have no reasonable grounds to believe that those of us relating different experiences from yours are being dishonest or trying to come across as something we're not. I made no claim to be perfect and I'm not passing judgement on anyone else. My child has never hit me. That's all. The handful of other five year olds I spend time with don't hit their parents either. Clearly this isn't a large, random sample and all children are different. It is nonetheless an honest answer to the op's question.

Should clarify that she probably did hit me when she was a toddler.

My 5yo DD does about once a month, I hold out my hands and let her hit them to get whatever it is out of her system. She's high-highs and low-lows, very loving and affectionate at her best but still struggles with frustration.

I have a five year old and yes he does lash out sometimes. He's always been quite a handful but we try to set boundaries and he is so so much better than he used to be.
I have three children and haven't had the same issues with my other two. Honestly temperament is a large factor and some kids are just are hard work. Stop the guilt OP you are definitely not the only one

My DS5 in year 1 has recently started hitting me it is awful. It's usually walking home from school, it's a mile walk and he tantrums when he realises we're walking. When I ignore the whinging/sitting on the floor/stopping he will run up behind me and slap me on my back.
I don't have any advice as I find it difficult to talk him out of his sour moods especially when it escalates and there's zero chance of reasoning with him. I eventually distract him away from the fact we're walking and he knows I won't be giving in to him so he moves on. He's on the Sen register but I've no idea if that means there's anything 'wrong' with him or he just struggles academically. It makes me feel like a rubbish parent, he doesn't do it at school or with anyone else thank god but it's still mortifying.

Don’t blame yourself. My 2 children have very different temperaments despite having the same parenting. My youngest does kick and hit out in anger. Usually when over tired and when it’s time to go to bed. He’s also a complete horror when he is hungry. He’s never hurt me, because he’s small, and also because he’s kicking and flapping AT me rather than ON me IYSWIM.