(TW: Mention of SIDS)
I’m due to give birth next month and I’m really worried about my DH and his inability to stay awake. As soon as 9pm hits he’s falling asleep in a fully lit room, a lot of the time whilst I’m speaking to him! If he’s sat upright at the end of the bed playing the Xbox he’ll slump over and fall asleep in seconds and he blames it on being comfortable but I can’t see how that is comfortable. We can have a 5 minute conversation and as soon as it ends he’s slumped over asleep. He came home from work yesterday and said he had to go into the toilets and splash his face with cold water three times to stop himself falling asleep at his desk.
It’s never really been a problem, a bit irritating when I’m speaking and realise he’s sat up asleep but never a huge issue. Now I can’t get it out of my head that he’s going to fall asleep with the baby in his arms or on his chest unless I’m awake as well. It’s now a genuine fear of mine and I’ve had a lot of nightmares about it. My friends baby unfortunately and heartbreakingly passed away from SIDS in 2020 when she was asleep on my friends partners chest and had rolled her face into his chest whilst they were both asleep.
I’ve tried to talk to him about it many times and I’ve told him I’m going to be too scared to let him tend to the baby at night unless I’m awake. I don’t think he’s incapable to care for a baby at all and I knows that he can care for him but he just can’t seem to control his falling asleep and I’ve tried to explain that a little baby in his arms or on his chest is going to be like clutching a little hot water bottle and he’s going to fall asleep considering he can’t stay awake now. He keeps telling me it’s going to be different then and that he’s just tired from work but I’ve tried to explain that he’s going to be working and kept awake by a crying baby through the night so I can’t really see his side of the argument. I can tell he knows it’s a problem and that he’s not sure of himself and his capability of not falling asleep when the baby is here but he’s really defensive about it. I’ve said to him I’m not trying to make him feel bad or like he can’t be trusted but it really is a problem that isn’t just going to fix itself like he thinks it is when the baby is here. The man physically cannot stay awake and it’s getting a bit frustrating because it’s every day/night. He worked from home one day last week and I found him asleep at his laptop.
Does anyone have any advice on what we can do about this or has anyone been in a similar situation? It’s keeping me up at night terrified and I can’t seem to get through to him about it despite the fact that I can see he’s worrying about it too.