Extreme Pregnancy Anxiety

[Luckylemonade]

I feel so miserable even posting this, could really do with a hand hold :(

For background, I had a very early miscarriage 2 years and have developed anxiety ever since.

I recently found out I was pregnant, and thought i should be around 7w2 days. Because of the previous MC, I (stupidly) went for an early scan on Sunday - where all they could see was the GAS sac and Yolk sac. No heartbeat, no fetal pole.
The sonogapher thinks I am measuring around the 5 - 5.5 week mark, and whilst i could of ovulated late due to having covid when i usually ovulated - this has thrown my anxiety into a spin.

I have wanted to be pregnant again for so long, but i am absolutely miserable. I have a few freinds who are pregnant but further along, who appear to be thoroughly enjoying pregnancy and havent had any issues and i am so so jealous of them whilst i fight back tears most days, dont sleep and cannot shake the feeling i am going to go back for a rescan to show it being a missed miscarriage.

My DP is so so so supportive, but apart from the usual 'try not to worry, its out of your control etc' there is nothing he can do or say to help.

Has anyone experienced similar and offer some tips or techniques to help me relax and at least try and enjoy being pregnant?

Hi OP
I suffered a late miscarriage in May 2020 (22 weeks), and was pregnant again in the December, which I know was lucky because it was quick.
My pregnancy was terrifying, I had bad anxiety and PTSD from the loss and most people would say try not to worry which was not helpful to me. I found people who hadn't experienced loss and grief had an innocence in pregnancy which allowed them to enjoy it whereas I spent the entire pregnancy tracking movements and having scans and check ups etc, from speaking to my bereavement midwife and psychologist, this is normal.
My advice would be to be clear at your consultant and midwife appointments with what support you need, I needed more as I went through and near the end had daily monitoring to ease anxiety but I know this is more on the extreme side of things.
I would like to say you will come to enjoy it, hopefully you will as you get further through, but you may not, use the support given and you will find the strength you didn't know you had.
Try the SANDS charity website - the forum is great for support and they have dedicated pregnancy after loss discussion boards.
Good luck xxx

Thank you @scg18 for your comment.

I completely agree, and I am so envious of the innocence people have in pregnancy without prior loss. I know people are trying to be supportive, but whenever they simply say ‘don’t worry it’s bad for the baby’ I just want to scream at them.

I’m so sorry for your loss, that must have been heart braking. But I am so happy to hear you managed to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards.
The early scan hasn’t helped me, and the fact I am so early means I have months of this anxiety to face which is daunting in itself x

I have had 2 pregnancies after many IVF cycles and never really managed to enjoy pregnancy, I don't think it'd be normal not to worry in your position given your previous loss, I'm sorry if that's not helpful but I guess my point is to take the pressure off yourself and try to just accept the worry, if that makes sense. Definitely speak to your midwife about support, but please don't worry about being stressed, I hate it when people say that it's bad for baby. It's absolute rubbish, people have healthy babies in refugee camps, in all sorts of extreme situations. Studies on the impact of elevated cortisol have been in much more extreme situations (e.g. domestic violence) than you just feeling a bit worried!

Thank you @Sundayrain that does make me feel better.
Life can be so cruel sometimes can’t it, I always think to myself there are people out their pregnant doing drive etc who manage to have okay pregnancy’s - yet I do everything by the book and can’t enjoy it in the slightest.

I'm undergoing IVF atm, havent seen a bfp yet, but I am already stressing out and worrying about a possible pregnancy. In my mind the whole happy glowy pregnancy it's just in movies, in real life there are worries and fears at least this has been my experience with fertility so far.
@Luckylemonade when is your next appointment?
I am sorry you're feeling like that, sending you hugs and strength x

@IsabelHerna thank you, and I’m sorry to hear about your IVF struggles. Life is so unfair sometimes.
Next appointment is the 15th so have ages to go get, I’m just trying my best to remain positive x

@Luckylemonade A day at a time 🤞