2 year old keeps hurting 7 month old

[tillylula]

I feel so so defeated. My poor 7 month old cannot be put down for a few seconds. I cant even get to making a drink, use the toilet, make us food ect without my toddler pushing her over (she's only just learned to sit up) or pinch, hit or scratch (also does it to me and her dad). I've tried all the advise: ignoring, praising good behaviour - like over the top, telling her no firmly, holding her back when I can see she's going for it, removing her from the room.

I know its a phase and it won't last forever. Is there anything else I could try? Baby has only just got used to feeding with 2yo in the room again. I used to have to block us in the bedroom with a stool infront of the door just so she could feed in peace. (dad works from home so she's not just left unsupervised while I feed baby). I will add that 2yo stopped breastfeeding about a month ago and its got worse since then. When baby is asleep she's an angel and doesn't hurt anyone. Any advise?

Playpen?

Sounds like she is acting out. Most likely for your attention. Wow were you breastfeeding them at the same time. (Sorry distracted by that fact, well done you. You must be exhausted with two babies on the breast)

Lots of 2 year olds dont know how to interact with babies. My friend's 2 year dragged her newborn off the couch.

I work with kids a little bit older than your 2 year old but even at age 7. If you tell a child off, then very often they don't understand what they have done wrong. You might use the phrase 'gentle hands' but it is like showing your 2 year old how to draw the letter a and then saying 'Letter A' and expecting them to draw it. They can't remember how to behave well and what fun it is to pinch and get some extra attention.

So what can you do? Model behaviour. Such as good sitting, gentle touch, good eating, calm playing etc etc. You sit and show them with your actions. Then they show you. You can even take photographs of these behaviours to stick up around the house. Let's say you start with a 1 or 2 behaviours. Maybe good sitting, or hands and feet to myself. Then make a reward chart. Perhaps design it on 2 year olds intrrests like hey Duggee or Peppa Pig etc. Buy some very nice stickers and reward 2 year old for these behaviours. Reward 2 year old very quickly at first so they don't tire of chart and learn to love it. Don't take stickers away. It is positive reinforcement. Rewards are up to you. You could have smsll rewards and then a bigger reward for filling chart etc.
When they don't get it right, be explicit. Say to them that you expect them to sit on the couch with their hands to themselves with no touching. Show them again. Show them the photos. Show them the chart. Then give them a time out or whatever you decide. Perhaps a reward could be soft play session with mum. Dad could take baby and two year old can have you all to themselves for a couple hours.

@MartaFlutterButterBye

Thank you for your reply. Yes I tandem fed for 6 months but in the end it was time to stop. It was a strain on my relationship with my 2yo and it all got abit much. She wanted to feed as much as baby if not more.

Thank you for the advice I will have a go and see if it works for her. I try to spend lots of 1:1 time with her but it doesn't seem to be enough sometimes. We usually do quiet time together after lunch which she loves.

Well you sound like an amazing mummy. Don't worry. Things will get easier and soon they'll become best play buddies.

@MartaFlutterButterBye.....and you sound like an amazing teacher.
Brilliant advice 👏

I think you need to look at this from the point of view of your Two year old. They don't understand what's going on properly. As far as they knew, they got to share you and feeding along with the baby. Now they don't get that time or comfort from you, but the baby still does. They are hurt, angry and confused. They are behaving this away because of that and as a way of getting attention.

It's hard with a small age gap. I had a two age gap and was permanently frazzled and exhausted. I think the best way of dealing with it is by giving your 2YO as much positive attention as you can. When DH was off work, we split ourselves between the kids to make sure each of them had one of our undivided attention. When DS2 was napping, I'd just chill and play with DS1. When DS2 was feeding, I put the telly on for DS1 and we all cuddled up on the sofa together.

@Kstormtrooper you're right. It must be so hard for her. It's upsetting to see, I will definitely make more of an effort to spend extra time. Its hard when you feel split down the middle and like you haven't spent time with either.

Imagine one day your partner brought home someone else that he told you he loved just as much as you but it was ok, you would all just live together.

And suddenly all the time you spent with him was split at best in 2, but really less than that because the new person constantly wanted his attention.

And then the one special thing you had with him you were now sharing with the new person too, which you weren't really happy about but you put up with, and then after a while you were told that he didn't want you and him to do it any more but him and the new person would still be doing what used to be your and his thing.

and to top it all off every time you show your displeasure at the situation you did not choose to be in and had no say in where you are now having to share your partner you get told off, or the new person cries and gets even more attention...

you would be pretty bloody cross too.

you have already identified that she loves the 1:1 time. shes feeling really displaced right now, show her that the baby isn't a threat. Talk about how silly the baby is, how annoying they are when they cry. Ask the year old to be mummy's special helper with special jobs to do (fetch the wipes/ nappies/ hold the babies hand, bring a toy for baby to play with).

Tell daddy to take the noisy baby out at the weekend for a walk so mummy and DD can have some fun etc.

@pastabest i see what you mean. You're absolutely right it would feel awful. I will keep on with the 1:1 time. Thank you