Overbearing Grandma

[Michlj]

Where in the new Mum guide does it say you must give your partners Mum regular access to your 4 month old. Since my LO was born she has wanted him overnight , I admit I gave in after 6 weeks of night feeds and having to go on medication for anxiety due to lack of sleep.

Since then she wants to see him on her own not with me or the LO Dad. I keep telling her, Ill pop up with him and ill bring him to her work but its still not good enough. Its making me so anxious. I have 9 month mat leave which she wants to share? If anybody should have quality time its his Dad. Ive bent over backwards to offer her time to see him with us but she wants him to herself. Im sick of it. Anybody else had this invasion??

Haha I’ve had a quite full on gran, but maybe not wanting to share the mat leave!
Just gently put the foot down, get DP to reinforce

Sometimes I let Granny go full mental crazy ,as she loves the baby so much and she’s a great support to all of us , but I’ve had to learn to say “no, X or Y is or isn’t happening “ but not unkindly
Is she wanting Baby to herself so you can have a break/rest?
My baby’s gran loves it when I leave the room or stay behind at home and she takes Baby a walk- she just wants baby’s undivided smooshes haha
She’s here a lot , but it’s the highlight of her day/week ,so I never refuse her
Although, I’ve stopped being a “hostess” , I offer a tea and now I get on with any housework I can, when she’s there so I can get peace to do so.

It’s just because you’re shattered and don’t have you’re usually faculties to deal with this sort of thing!

She clearly just adores the Baby, hopefully in time it’ll be a blessing There’s full threads on here with GPS who aren’t interested ot helpful.

@TheRemotePart. Thanks for your reply. I do understand the love they have for our LO. I just feel totally cornered. I go up to her work I offer to drop in but its not good enough. Its pure selfish reasons she wants him alone shes told me that. I wish she would back off and let us enjoy being first time parents. I feel shes like an ex who im sharing access with....Very stressed x

Just tell her no. She wants the baby alone? “Oh thanks for offering to babysit but we’re fine. I can pop over with the baby if you want though?”.

If she outright says it’s because she wants them all to herself, just say you are limiting the amount of time you spend apart whilst they are so little.

The worst thing that can happen is that she gets annoyed with you. She can’t override your decision.

@justtenmoreminutesplease Yes thats a good idea. Thank you. To be honest why should she get alone time? Hes 16 weeks old and needs his Mummy and or Daddy around. I selfishly (or nit) want to spend my Mat leave and his days with him and I wont feel bad for not wanting to give her alone time. Thank you xx

I'm having a similar issue with my 5mo. PIL keep asking for alone time with DD in the week. I have not agreed and FIL threw a tantrum. Baby needs trump the wants of adults. I hate being away from my baby and I'm on mat leave to care for her so it's not selfish to say no.

Ah it’s a tough one. Absolutely you get to say no to her having him alone - and it sounds like you offer to pop over with him lots so that’s really kind of you.

I think try and hold on to the fact that he has a grandma who obviously adores him. You are full of hormones at the moment which are designed to make you super protective of him, as a survival method. As he gets older you will really start to appreciate that there is someone else in the world who loves your child as much as you do (although of course he only has one mum).

Im a granny now and the love is fierce. I have to work so hard to back off with my DD and DS’s children, and I think I manage it 99% of the time .

But I’ll circle back to the point that of course you get to decide what happens with your son, and it sounds like you are doing that really effectively but also kindly. Well done mama!

@Rosieposie89 exactly. My boy wants his Mum I want him yet we are supposed to be apart so the Granny can get her cuddles. No way. Where do they get off expecting?? I didnt realise I went through labour for the whole clan. Grrrr xxx

@Holly60 thank you. Yes , I think I am being more than fare..Its as far as Im going to budge right now too. Thank you for your reply. I know how much love Grannies have..right now its just too much to expect x

What is wrong with her! I’ve got grandchildren but I wouldn’t offer an overnight - I need my sleep and I’ve raised my babies. Your baby- your rules - she had better learn that soon if she wants any kind of relationship with you and your baby. Push back at any request for alone time. You hold all the cards.

Reasonably new granny here.

It’s her, not you.

No way on earth would I have handed her over to my mum exclusively at night at such a young age. Wouldn’t dream of even asking.

As far as we’re (granny and grandad) concerned, whatever mum and dad want goes, without question.

[quote Michlj]@Holly60 thank you. Yes , I think I am being more than fare..Its as far as Im going to budge right now too. Thank you for your reply. I know how much love Grannies have..right now its just too much to expect x [/quote]
Been in your situation and honestly it's about being clear on where you draw the line. Sticking to your guns and being consistent. My mil was the same with constant demands for alone time and I said she could take baby a walk as a compromise but he won't be left at hers without me and he certainly won't be staying. You will never get this time back so stick up for what you want now.
It's also in the back of my mind that this sets the tone for baby number 2 if you decide you're wanting another.

Good luck and enjoy your baby, your way x

@ginironic and @skylerwright.....Thank you so much xxx

The thing is because I caved at week 6 due to no sleep I feel she feels like she has a say.....I was desperate for a bath and a sleep and suffering anxiety, she had him overnight a few times. But I was desperate. I feel Ive caused this unknowingly....I would never ever of let him go for the night if I wasnt desperate. I bought her flowers and wine I said thank you a zillion times but it was not a signed contract......

@Rosieposy89

I'm having a similar issue with my 5mo. PIL keep asking for alone time with DD in the week. I have not agreed and FIL threw a tantrum. Baby needs trump the wants of adults. I hate being away from my baby and I'm on mat leave to care for her so it's not selfish to say no.

I love your name, Rosieposy!

Is it from one of the Strike novels?

@namechangecity123 thank you. You are so right. From this day forward ill be clear and consistent....xx