Feeling pressure to leave 5 month old

[Rosieposy89]

My DD is 5 months & FF. We have left her a few times with both grandparents in our home. The last time DD became very distressed with my mum. I was wracked with mum guilt afterwards. My ILS are being quite pushy about having DD alone at their house for a few hours in the week. They can't seem to grasp that DD gets upset without me now. I also don't want my baby away from me on mat leave as I'm not working so I can care for her & frankly I hate being without her. My DH feels it's important for us to spend time alone but I just find it hard knowing DD may be distressed because we're there. I'm just feeling so much pressure to agree :(

My ILS are being quite pushy about having DD alone at their house for a few hours in the week - not this bollocks again!!!

I am a MIL and have never never done this. Happy to help when needed, but I have no right to have the GC - the whole idea is nonsense! Makes me so cross - gets us MILs a bad name!

You are very right to treasure this maternity leave time and to enjoy your DD.

I really don't know why people do this to new mums, I think they think it's healthier to have time alone etc but that was simply not the case for me. I was breastfeeding so wasn't quite as practical for anyone to babysit but even so, I was very happy indeed being with my babies the whole time and would have been upset away from them at that age. I would want my husband's full support in your situation, you're not ready and that's fine.

I don't think you and your DH would be having a nice relaxing time if you're worrying about your DD being unhappy. Even if you're following all the sleeping guidelines really strictly, in a month's time, when your DD is six months, she can be left sleeping in her cot in the evening while you and your DH get some alone time - that's probably more likely to be an enjoyable time you can spend together.

My DD is 14 months, and the only time she's been with her grandparents without one of us was my parents taking her to the park when DH and I were both isolating (DD wasn't). Children don't have to be left alone with grandparents to build a good bond with them. (Though of course it's fine if everyone's happy with the arrangement.)

Have they had unspervised time yet with you in the house? If not this is the crucial next step and insist on it by playing up what happened with your Mum. Tell them straight up that she pressurised you and now baby is traumatised and can’t be left alone. They probably only want this because you were silly enough to bow down to your mum and don’t want to feel left out - by explaining your Mum was bonkers and has possibly wrecked any chances your child has for staying over for a while they may be less likely to insist on anything.

@Mischance

My ILS are being quite pushy about having DD alone at their house for a few hours in the week - not this bollocks again!!!

I am a MIL and have never never done this. Happy to help when needed, but I have no right to have the GC - the whole idea is nonsense! Makes me so cross - gets us MILs a bad name!

You are very right to treasure this maternity leave time and to enjoy your DD.

Same here. I said on another similar thread that only on MN have I ever heard of such batshit grandparents. Seems to be a thing on MN. In real life me and my friends who are grandparents just help out when required, none of us demand or bully for time alone with our GC.

Enjoy your maternity leave and say it's not personal but you want to be with your baby, and more importantly she wants to be with you!

Tell them NO!.

Your daughter wants you, not them. You are on maternity leave specifically so you can be there for your DD. And tell your husband that you can't relax and enjoy yourself not knowing dd is ok.

God! what is wrong with people???

I understand this, that need and the guilt, but it really is best for you to have time away too.

I got so caught up with the mum thing, it’s was a mistake. You are a mum, but your yourself too.
Have some time doing what you want to do

5 months old!

If you and your little one aren't ready then DO NOT DO IT.

Your partner needs to pull his big boy pants on and realise he is not number one.

Honestly don't even agonise over it, just no.

I'm sorry you're being made to feel like this it's so horrible for you

@Onthefloor2

I understand this, that need and the guilt, but it really is best for you to have time away too.

I got so caught up with the mum thing, it’s was a mistake. You are a mum, but your yourself too.
Have some time doing what you want to do

But the point is she doesn't want to. And it certainly isn't 'best' for her to have time away unless that is what she wants.

OP, at 5 months you and your baby are programmed to want to be close to each other. It's perfectly fine for mothers to want a break, but it's also perfectly normal to want to avoid separation when they are so young. Stick to your guns and trust your in instinct.

Of course it’s only best if she wants it, but I’m saying sometimes the guilt stops new mums doing something for themselves and I’m saying she doesn’t have to feel that way and there is no guilt or blame.

If you want the baby with you that’s fine, I’m just saying think about it.