Daughter going to her first school birthday party… advice needed

[Birthdaybirthday77]

My daughters in reception, going to her first birthday party at local hall. There have been other parties but she didn’t want to go as extremely shy. I did encourage but it was not going to happen so left it at that.

I’m just wanting to know, when you drop your child off, obviously you stay, the mums I see when I drop off at school are very cliquish and some will say hello one day and blatantly ignore you the next. Some will walk along the road and chat one day and then don’t know you next time even though their kid and yours are having a chat.

So what do folks do when they drop kid off at party, do you take a book, look at your phone, chat with other parents, or just sit there watching the party?

Sorry, if this sounds stupid to ask but my daughter really wants to go to this party, the mum whose hosting she is one who knows you one min and blanks you the next.
But my daughter absolutely gets on with her little boy at school.

I’m an older mum also (40s) so I feel nervous, do all parents sit together or dotted about.

Thank you, any advice greatly appreciated.

I do make a big effort to smile at mums and dads at drop off and pick up and say hello.

If my daughter tells me her friend is over there, I say hello to the child some parents say hello some just stare awkwardly.

We live in London, so sometimes friendliness seems frosty shall we say.

I think that the people who talk to you one day and not the next are often actually feeling a bit awkward themselves and don’t know how to handle it, so I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Most people (in my experience) aren’t mean really… So, given that experience, I would try not to look at your phone/book and try and join/start a conversation with other parents as much as you can. Sometimes it feels awkward to start with, but it normally makes it less awkward eventually, as it helps start to make friends/connections with people. You can talk about quite ‘vanilla’ things - do their kids like parties, what you/others are doing after (or did before) the party…

In reception at my kids school often parents stayed, or at least some do. I have never struggled to find someone to talk to at a party but I am outgoing. Some parents will already know someone and may stay in groups but try not to be too put off by that. They may be shy and actually barely know those people but just cling to those they do know for safety.

The parents that say hi one day and not another, don't overthink it. They may be shy too, or stressed and busy or rushing somewhere/ thinking about something else. It's not necessarily a cliquey thing.

At the party, get there on time, when everyone hasn't grouped up already. Smile, say hi, who are your kids etc and I'm sure you'll be very welcome and find parents who want to have a chat at the party.

I think it’s good just to be really open and friendly as soon as you walk in. Stop all the negative, they’re blanking me type thoughts. Definitely don’t sit down with a book. Just go in and go up to the host with your dd and her present, ask the mum if there’s anything you can do to help ( food, cake, party bags etc). Talk to the other mums..,
Oh are you Jack’s mum? Dd is always talking about him.
How’s your little one settled into reception?

It might be that they are busy and preoccupied some mornings. I met 3 of my best friends at my children's school and some days I don't even talk to them. I do try chat and say hello to different parents most days but one day could be going great and the next has been the morning from hell and I just want to drop and run. Sometimes I have a meeting at 9am so no time to chat. Sometimes I want to watch my dc interact with their friends without interruption because one of my dc is autistic and its important that I observe her interactions sometimes to see where she might need help.
I'm also autistic and communicating is very tiring for me, so often I need to be in the right frame of mind. No one at school knows this about me and you wouldn't be able to tell. Only people I have told know and are always shocked. Anyway these are just a few reasons why parents are hit and miss.

At the party just smile, make small talk and watch the dc. Normally parents will be dotted about managing dc then they might have a quick chat here and there or the ones that know each other will talk but feel free to approach them.
My dh did 3 parties with dc this weekend. He dosnt know anyone as I do school runs but he talked to some of the other parents just made small talk and about local events etc. Then went off to see to dc then on to chat to another parent.
Just go with the flow.
Its not clicky at all at my dcs school but some parents do know each other well as have older dc.

Not all kids will be taken by Mum, some may be taken by Dad or a GP if the parents are working. Also you won't have met all the parents, some kids go to after school club or get picked up from school by other carers. You won't be the only one there that doesn't know anyone. For me it's usually a combination of watching the kids and making small talk with whoever is standing next to you.

I've found a mix. Some I have chatted to parents. Some I've followed my son around and watched him. Deffo wouldn't take a book or look at phone though.

Some parents are cliquey. I know other posters were saying you'd read the situation wrong but you might not have. However, even when there's a clique, parties are a great leveller because the parents are all thrown together.
I'd introduce yourself to the host, thank them for the invite, ask if there's anything you can do to help. Some parties, they'll jump on the offer and you'll find yourself pouring out juice, watching a table of DCs, etc.
Other parties, they'll have a table set up for the parents and everyone sits together. You can engage as much or as little as you like. I wouldn't read a book or sit on a phone. Just smile and make chit chat.
My DC were always anxious about parties so I often wandered around, keeping an eye on them.

So what do folks do when they drop kid off at party, do you take a book, look at your phone, chat with other parents, or just sit there watching the party?
All of the above! Except a book as that could look quite standoffish. I was at one on Saturdat, some bits I was chatting, some I was sitting on own watching, some I was browsing MN, some I was helping DD get a plate of food etc.

Well I shall put on my biggest smile, be polite and make conversation to who is nearby. I know my daughter and she’ll be nervous so may need to nearby once she settles.

I’m just pleased she want to go to the party, it’s a big step for her.
I just asked about taking a book and looking at phone but I wouldn’t have actually done it. It would come across standoffish and a little rude.

Thank you for replying, it has helped me immensely. I don’t think I’m thinking negatively about certain things. I am aware what I see. I’ll continue to make the best of the situation. At the end of the day it’s helping my daughter developing her friendships.