Me and DH snapping at one another

[122xxo]

Me and DH first time parents to our 5 week old. First week was what I’d say was easy! DS just slept and settled really well

Since week 2 he’s been really fussy just wants to be held all the time and will cry at random times. I know this is normal for a newborn, DH is convinced I’ve created this problem by holding him a lot.

If I pop him down he screams about 10 minutes later and I’m worried he wasn’t getting enough sleep - so yes I hold him so he can nap in the day and get some sleep at least. Of a night he’s not too bad but after waking for a feed will wake about an hour or so later to be cuddled to sleep, so I’m up pretty much every hour it’s gruelling. But my baby is so worth it

Me and DH have been snapping at eachother a bit which is making me sad. He just keeps getting frustrated with me and I am with him, I feel like he could do more and he insists I ‘don’t let him’ and ‘take over’

I did take over with caring for DS a bit because I’m so nervous and had a feeling that I know best.

But I’m just worried, is it normal to be irritated with eachother? I just feel annoyed with him for sleeping, being able to do what he wants and the fact that his life’s changed a bit but my whole world has changed and I don’t feel there’s much empathy there for that?

I’m not undermining dads when I say that I just mean alongside becoming a mother I’ve had to try and recover from major abdominal surgery (which I haven’t done, day 3 post op I was hoovering , mopping and doing a laundry load!)

He kept saying how impressed he was because I’ve recovered so well but part of me wishes I’d milked it a bit more? Gotten more done for me? That’s sad isn’t it. But I just feel he doesn’t have empathy there he doesn’t get I’ve not long just become a mum and what that’s like

Having a son was a massive transition for me and my husband. We argued more in year 1 than ever before or since. Mostly because we were anxious and both wanted the best for our sob but didn't always agree.

However. Just remember you both want the vest for your son. Remember to have a cuddle before bed (or whenever iis convenient). Remember to tag team - so you get some rest. Remember this time will pass. You will get I to your routine - I don't mean baby's routine where they sleep/eat etc at set time.....I mean where DH gets up early on Sunday mornings, you get up early Mon-Fri - or whatever works in your house.

He is still tiny. He is 5 weeks old and you are still recovering - it's OK to say to him you think you have tried to do too much too soon. Your whole world has changed and that takes time to adjust to. Its scary because you are now responsible for this tiny baby who came with no instructions. But you will get through this. (I don't think babies can be cuddled too much.... but with my 3rd we swaddled and he slept.....was it the swaddling or jist because he was a different child? No idea but worked for him. He slept hours in the pram downstairs. Neither of my other 2 did....they liked being held.) Keep going. It will get easier.

It's very common - I don't want to say 'normal' because anything that's upsetting you shouldn't be framed as normal - but it isn't unusual for the stress and strains of the first newborn weeks to show up like this.

The first thing to remember is that you're both sleep deprived which makes everything harder.

However, your DH does need to step up and be more supportive. You holding the baby isn't doing anything wrong, it's you meeting the baby's needs. Have a google of the fourth trimester and show your DH some of the evidence. Babies need held and skin to skin when they're so wee.

That also said - I think it's really common that, when dad goes back to work, mum does take over everything a wee bit and that 'I know best' creeps in. That's not going to serve you well in the future. He's the baby's dad, you need to let him get involved. Sometimes that means accepting he won't do things in exactly the same way as you do, and that's OK.

It's very common. Keep communication open and both try to find common ground of your good intentions. Educate your husband on the fourth trimester. Watch some you tube videos together by people like Kathryn Stagg, Lyndsey Hookway....and then discuss what to do from there so it's neutral not you telling him.

Also, holding your baby as much as you can stand to is the best thing for them in the fourth trimester so keep doing it!

Oh and if you have lots of friends that have just had babies (an NCT group or similar) try not to listen to their stories of roses and unicorns and how wonderful everything is in their house, how the sun shines out of their DH's bottom, how brilliant he is at everything......blah blah blah......some of it will be true, some will be a front, some can easily transition to baby stage but struggle later on etc etc. Don't compare your experience to anyone else's. They say 'comparison is the theif of joy' and that is never more true than when looking at families.