Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

If you’re very happy with one child, please can you let me know what you like about it?

24 replies

Welshmumofobe · 30/01/2022 19:25

I’m an only child who always imagined having multiple children. It’s not impossible we’ll have another but DH isn’t keen and I’m already 42. Please can you let me know why you like it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lavender2021 · 30/01/2022 19:38

All the one to one time with my daughter.
She will get a better life if just her due to finances.
I can work part time (which I enjoy and need) and she can enjoy nursery which I couldn't afford if we had two.
Means we can have holidays and more days out.
Life is crazy enough as it is with one toddler!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 30/01/2022 19:39

Because I dont have to start again with a newborn, which horrifies me as I had crippling post natal anxiety.
Because our finances wont stretch to two or more children.

I dont know if 'enjoy' is the right way to describe it. Id say im content though.

Namechangeforthis88 · 30/01/2022 19:47

He was a handful as a toddler when we were thinking of trying again (as it turned out he was a handful until about 8 when ADHD was diagnosed). DH works a lot of shifts and as bedtime reduced me to tears anyway, we'd have been crazy to bring a newborn into the mix.

It's pretty easy to organise our lives in a way that suits his needs, which has made a huge difference.

No sibling rivalry (well observed amongst his cousins).

Slightly broody now he's 13 and very easy to parent, but it's a bit late now!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Dspx · 30/01/2022 19:51

Following we Have recently made the decision to stick with one (many reasons it makes sense ) but can't shake to feeling of what it x

Arcadia · 30/01/2022 19:52

More time for myself, more energy for other things and other people, more able to help others outside our immediate family, cheaper, simpler dynamics, no fighting, no comparing, can gear activities to their interests, can afford the interests they want to pursue, cheaper to go on holiday, only one child to ferry around, only one set of friendship issues/schooling issues to keep track of, only one to worry about, more time as a couple, easier to palm off (!), easier to cope with family illnesses etc ... lots of upsides.

HeddaGarbled · 30/01/2022 19:52

No fighting and arguing.

TheRemotePart · 30/01/2022 19:53

Same as above , all my attention and better finances. I can give Baby everything but is struggle with another.
Also it’s shattering ( I’m nearly 40,too!) I doubt I could manage it again
I’m also an only child , and I didn’t mind - I think I’m happier in my own company ( lockdown for eg, want as hard for me as others) I’m happy to read a book/ potter about and go places by myself.
Now I just take my little buddy with me.
Also, the risks associated with older births put us off- I feel we just sneaked through and made it and count ourselves lucky baby was healthy.

Arcadia · 30/01/2022 19:54

I've read somewhere that women (who have a choice obviously) always think 'what if... ' about having one more, whether they have 1, 2, 3, 4 or so on... so maybe not a reason to do so necessarily?

AlexaShutUp · 30/01/2022 19:56

I didn't plan to have an only child (secondary infertility) but I wouldn't change it now, even if I could.

I love the closeness of the relationship that I have with dd, and I know it would be different if she had siblings. I love the time and attention that I can give her. I love the opportunities that we can facilitate for her, thanks to not having to split our time or financial resources. I love not having to play referee between kids or deal with sibling rivalry. I love the absence of any "us and them" distinction between children and adults in our house. I love dd's self confidence. I love that she doesn't compare herself to anyone and that she doesn't get labelled as "the one". I love the peace in our house.

Of course, there are positives to having siblings, especially if they get on, but there are so many advantages to having an only child. And fwiw, dd has outstanding social skills and far more friends than I could have ever dreamt of having when I was younger, despite the fact that I had a sibling and she doesn't. She is also incredibly self aware and considerate towards others, so the stereotypes are all bullshit.

AlexaShutUp · 30/01/2022 19:58

The other thing that I didn't mention is that my career has taken much less of a hit.

CMOTDibbler · 30/01/2022 20:05

My only is 15, and I have to say I have zero regrets. He is happy, sociable, always finds someone to be with if he wants, but is also very happy to not always be with people (and tells me that this would be the worst thing about having a sibling). We have a great relationship, he's funny, cuddly, and fab to be with.
It is also, frankly, an overall easier life. We've never had any family help - and in fact had to provide an awful lot of support to my parents from when ds was tiny - and meeting the differing needs of two children would have been an awful lot harder

Alayalaya · 30/01/2022 20:09

I have a chance to have a life because it’s easy to persuade someone to babysit one child, or send one child to a play date or sleepover, or afford to put one child in childcare. Once you have two kids you’re not free unless you can get rid of both of them at the same time.

WorriedMillie · 30/01/2022 20:12

I only had to go through the newborn and beyond sleepless nights once
we can afford to send her to a lovely school ( not many options locally)
family members offer to babysit
no sibling arguments
days out and holidays are cheaper
I’m not run ragged driving 2/3 kids to hobbies

AliceW89 · 30/01/2022 20:15

I couldn’t stand the baby stage. DS was a very difficult baby, but has turned into a breeze of a child who now brings me immense pleasure. Im enjoying life, I’m excelling in my job, I have more time and money to enjoy myself and my family. Part of me says ‘but the baby stage is quick in the scheme of things’…but the thought of going back there makes me shudder. I’m still quite shattered now, so I just don’t think I have the capacity to add anything else to my plate. One wasn’t mine/DHs plan but we’re happy with the circumstances.

metalkprettyoneday · 30/01/2022 20:26

I have enjoyed all the stages and love being a mum and hunk I got lucky with my baby’s easy temperament so didn’t get that need to try again. I think life in general is just nicer ,one child can fit into most situations . I’ve even taken her to work. -nobody minds as she’ll sit with her colours or book. Trips to restaurants , cafes are less stress than big. families where there’s always one needling the loo if dropping something.
I have no family in this country so when she goes on a sleepover I get to have some childfree time to do creative things . I like having other kids over to play a lot but it’s also nice to send them home so we can have quiet times again.

Ginger1982 · 30/01/2022 20:38

Similar to you. I was an only child who wanted multiple age have only been able to have 1.

Honestly, I have more money to spend, both on myself and on him; we have nice holidays planned; we're renovating our house; I have time to myself as does DH; I'm not sure I could back to sleepless nights and having to work around naps; I enjoy working full time.

My dream was to have two close in age. DS is almost 5 so even if I got pregnant now, it wouldn't be the life I wanted.

Ihaveoflate · 30/01/2022 21:40

not having to repeat the baby stage (hated it)
balance of family, work, hobbies etc.
no sibling rivalry and fights
calm household
sanity intact (more than one woykd tip me over the edge!)

Bobholll · 30/01/2022 21:52

I have two & I still have the what if thing, quite a lot recently .. I wanted a big family but two pregnancies with severe hyperemesis & for a whole host of practical & financial issues, it’ll be just two.

I love my two & id never change it for a million years but if it helps, the bad bits are:

The washing never ends.
My living regularly looks like a bomb site.
I spend a lot of time negotiating who can have which toy.
There is far less downtime, like far far less.
The tag team waking up at night.
They both get poorly at the same time & nights are filled with zero sleep while you both take a child each and look after them!
I have minimal spare cash after paying for two lots of childcare, extra curricular stuff & days out. It really adds up!

Butteryflakycrust83 · 31/01/2022 15:19

We can provide so much more for her without obliterating our finances. Travel, experiences, hobbies. And its also the balance for us - to a certain degree we still will (eventually!) have more free time as an individual person and as a couple so it feels like the right decision for us.

If money and time were no factor? I would wait until DC was a few years old, out of nappies and have another but its not an option for us. I worry that we would fall into poverty and it just closes so many options for us.

dameofdilemma · 31/01/2022 16:59

With one child dp and I have managed to have a life outside of being parents. We've managed to maintain friendships and interests outside our immediate family unit and its less likely that we'll be lost and pining when dd leaves home.

On a practical level we've both maintained careers and independent incomes at an equal level, which has impacted our relationship positively (neither of us perceives the other as the 'lesser' earner or 'lesser' parent) - its something that would have been much harder for us with more children.

All of the above might have been possible with more than one child but without extended family nearby providing plenty of help (which we don't have), I don't think it would have been possible for us.

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 17:04

I think I’d be a little concerned that you so desire but your dh doesnt
Is this something that could cause tension and upset?

ringoutthebells · 31/01/2022 17:25

Not quite what you asked, but we've waited til dd will be nearly 7. DD was more than enough for us until at least age 5, we've made the most of it all, and I don't think any of us would have coped well with a sibling before she was well into being 5. No family help nearby and never used babysitters. 7 months pregnant now - if hadn't happened naturally we wouldn't have pursued it any other way and I know dd would still have a brilliant life. She has lots of friends and we have the time/finances/energy to support her friendships, her activities, her education etc.

Phos · 31/01/2022 22:36

I don't have to start again with a newborn, which I found really hard.
I don't have to divide my time between 2+ demanding kids at different developmental stages.
I can afford to do more with and for her.

Sometimes I think shed have liked to have had a playmate but there's no guarantee they'd even get on and anyway she's 5 now, that ship has sailed. No point having another now as the age gap would be so big they'd never have anything in common.

Original poster

Welshmumofobe · 01/02/2022 21:51

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your thoughts. And I know how lucky I am to have one :)

OP posts:

Flip