If you had a child with behavioural problems…

[munchmom]

what was your journey to diagnosis, treatment/management like? Was a diagnosis worth pursuing or it didn’t make much of a difference? I’m not sure where to start as HV has always been quite useless. I’m thinking of some private route but worry it would be just a lot of money wasted.

What are the behavioural issues?

Is the child at school/nursery? If so have they noticed any problems?

Op do you have an idea of what the issue could be? I wrote a long list of bulletpoints and had a meeting with the GP. We attempted to go down the NHS route but the waiting times were too long. It helped that school were supportive and wrote the GP a letter as well to support my notes. We ended up going private and got as assessment of pda and autism. The report has been amazing, I was already trying to follow guidelines for pda / asd children but I feel so much more equipped with knowledge and aware of her triggers.

I’m now going through this process again. School have also been supportive, the GP hasn’t but we’re on various private doctors’ waiting lists.

Op i think it varies by area whether you can refer a child, or whether it can be a school or GP (maybe even a health visitor?) so I’d suggest you talk to everyone. Go on a waiting list and research what you think the issue is so that at the point of assessment and you have to fill out lots of forms you’ll do a better job. My dd, who is currently in waiting list, is now a teenager and I could kick myself because I am now viewing odd toddler behaviour in the light of autism and I really should have done this about 8 years ago.

He’s almost 4 but still has major tantrums, meltdowns very often and aggressive, out of control behaviour almost on a daily basis (for example throwing some heavy objects at me or kicking, biting). He is an otherwise intelligent kid and can be very lovely too, but I’ve been worried for a long time that the extent of his meltdowns and other issues are not normal. He’s not in nursery or school.

Thank you stealth, very useful points/advice! I was originally thinking autism, but relatives don’t seem to agree as he is intelligent and talks very well, etc. I don’t really know what the diagnosis could be, I just feel there are some issues which can’t be brushed off as normal toddler behaviour and we are not great at managing them.

Yes my daughter has significant behaviour problems and is diagnosed with autism you can be autistic and “ talk well” and be intelligent she’s also awaiting a adhd diagnosis

Some people will say that that can be ‘notmal’ behaviour and I’m not really an expert. My daughter also had uncontrollable daily meltdowns at that age but also had bad speech which we helped with a speech therapist. She still has the odd meltdown, maybe one a week, but is better at regulating herself.

Is there a reason why your child isn’t in nursery or school? I think they’d maybe learn skills like sharing, playing with, waiting their turn and you’d have a fuller picture of their social development by watching them play with other children.

Yes, I agree but unfortunately even some nhs websites and similar sources concentrate on just the speech delay aspect and lack of pretend play with autism, which was not the case for him so it’s hard to try and make a diagnosis myself. I think he also may have ocd and some problems around learning to manage his impulses and frustration. I think we will try and pursue a private appointment with a consultant (or try gp but I’m not too hopeful with that)

He is quite terrified by the idea of nursery, he has been very shy since around 18 months old and hated when children were too close to him for example. I didn’t want to force him too much to play with others as he hated the idea and was really upset. Later on, the pandemic didn’t help… he has a brother too he can play with but that can be quite a challenge too. I know a lot of his behaviour sounds normal on paper but the intensity of the meltdowns and aggression, and some other things just don’t seem ok to me and nothing we’ve tried for management has really worked.

Does he go to any playgroup type settings? I would be tempted to start working towards them now because otherwise it may be a bigger issue come school in September.

Assessments often need to look at behaviour in more than one setting so it may help there too

To be honest, I’m not sure which one of us is more terrified of going to a playgroup him or me but I know we need to try and encourage some socialisation outside the home some way, at least a playdate or similar…

It sounds really challenging for you OP. I agree with the other posters who've said you need to be looking at him attending nursery / preschool ASAP. He'll be starting school in September, and that transition will be so much harder if you don't start him spending some time in a formal setting now. Then you'll also be able to get the opinion of childcare professionals regarding his behaviour which will support any referrals that might be necessary.

My daughter was very challenging. I thought it was ADHD but she was diagnosed with ASD. Where did you get the idea that there had to be a speech delay? The Autism Society website is a good resource. Look up PDA profile. I think my daughter fits this but there is no where local to us that diagnoses PDA. Luckily her school recognise it and have adjusted their strategies in line with it. She is doing very well in year 9 after very difficult primary years.

My son had a speech delay then caught up, is very intelligent but does not behave appropriately with other children (or in general) his own age, has many sensory issues, soils, wets, wears ear defenders, is a flight risk, we rarely go anywhere without military planning/discussion. He’s an amazing wonderful boy I wouldn’t change him tbh but help has been slow going, he’s almost 10 now and assessment looms (waited for 3 years) he does get help at school though. I can’t afford private.

Would you be able to make contact with some local nurseries and talk to them about how they would approach helping your son to settle in?
Being in a setting with other children could be beneficial to him.
You could go and look at some nurseries to find one you felt comfortable with.

Thank you all so much, lots of great advice and information! I had a look at the PDA profile and so far this is what fits his behaviour the best i think. I’m obviously most interested in learning how to cope with his behaviour, so that’s why I was thinking we might need some professional help. I’ve read a whole lot of advice online and in books as to how to deal with toddler quirks but absolutely nothing seemed to work, if anything, they made things worse. We will need to find an appropriate nursery/school for him as I’m very certain most average nursery settings would be a shock for him.