Is this bonkers helicopter parenting

[Etherealhedgehog]

A couple of months ago, DD (then about 13 months) managed to fall out of a swing at the playground. It happened so quick I wasn't able to catch her. I thought she was going to land on her head and potentially do major damage but in fact she did a full somersault, landed on her back and was fine (tears obviously, but no damage).

It seems like it shouldn't be possible, but I think she's more top heavy than the average baby (DP and I both have short legs for our heights and she looks the same). Also, when in the swing she likes to enthusiastically fling herself around so the swing bucket is tipping backwards and forwards, on top of the arc of the swing IYSWIM. So it seems pretty likely to happen again. I'm concerned if it does, she could land on her head and do herself a serious injury. So I'm mega nervous putting her on the swings, hover close enough to be able to catch her and take her off as soon as she starts flinging herself around (she doesn't really get it if we tell her no and we don't want to make it into a giant discipline thing as swings are just meant to be fun!) I feel like I'm being the nuts helicopter parent and DP thinks I'm overreacting and should just push her on the swings normally like nothing ever happened and not hover/worry about the wriggling. I really don't want to be that hovering crazy lady (you should see the pitying looks I get from other parents) but I also don't want my child to break her neck. How do you think you would react to this? Am I being normal and reasonable or was it a total freak accident and I need to pretend it never happened?

She's only 13m, feel free to hover :)

I hover when DS2 is on the swings (he's 2), he always looks like he's going to topple out - I think he just has a particularly heavy head!

I'm not over protective in other ways and let him go on the climbing frame and the big slide.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt as a parent, it is to trust your gut feeling. Stand by her swing if you’re concerned, she’ll soon grow a bit and be able to balance herself better.

Instead of getting her out, stop swinging her or stop the swing. I refuse to push my 19 month old unless she's holding on with both hands and have since always. She learnt that pretty quick because she didn't want the swinging to stop. Even though she doesn't understand yet, just keep telling her why you're stopping. She will soon understand. You're definitely not over reacting. Mama knows best.

It's definitely not helicopter parenting to supervise a 13 month old on the swings - it would be pretty irresponsible not to to be honest!

Could she wear reins and you can secure her in the seat with them?

@iRun2eatCake

Could she wear reins and you can secure her in the seat with them?

That could work out even more dangerous if she overbalances and gets tangled. (I.e. could hit he head on the swing itself).

We used to cram coats / blankets etc into the swing with my daughter to stop hep from sliding around in the swing. She was tiny until she was about 3 so used to slide around and out. Would that help?

I've had a you feeling child fall from a swing too so don't feel bad. It happens.

So now you have to supervise more closely until this phase and risk passes. What would be over the top is not letting her in a swing. What you are doing sounds great.

@pompomseverywhere

I've had a you feeling child fall from a swing too so don't feel bad. It happens.

So now you have to supervise more closely until this phase and risk passes. What would be over the top is not letting her in a swing. What you are doing sounds great.

Oh god the typos! Should've been...

IV'E HAD A CHILD FALL OUT OF A SWING TOO. 🤦‍♀️

Do you space for a swing at home? Then you could get one of the net bucket ones, she could lie down in it and then she will have all her swing fun at home and not worry about the ones at the park.

When my daughter was little, I didn't realise that I told her very often to sit down, in a loud and firm voice, until I heard her mimic it. She often got herself in positions where she was high up, out of reach and standing precariously... on top of slides, in her high chair.. and other places that I can't remember. She also did the hands off thing on a swing.. closed her eyes when she was walking... took her hands off the scooter... all to see what it felt like. When she was older, she often tried things she hadn't done before but trusted herself that she could do, when we were not watching including heading off to reach a pontoon that was far out of her depth when we were swimming in a lake. Luckily by then, I was well aware that I needed three eyes in my head! She is a confident teen now and actually not a daredevil, they are carefully assessed decisions on her part but as a toddler, I think they lack the ability to fully assess the situation. I remember another time she wandered off and went to a craft stall at a summer fair while we went to look at the police van a few meters away.. when we found her a few minutes later.. she said but Mummy... 'I wasn't lost.' I started using a phrase that my sister uses... and actually still use this in some way with my teens now... 'You are scaring the adults'.... as a young school children, when they were scooting at full speed towards a road, knowing full well that they were going to stop, but adults behind them were shouting at them to stop... or as teens.. when they are out late, away on their own for a few days or giving the impression that they are not studying enough... I remind them that they need to reassure the adults!!

Where else would you be when a 13m old is in a swing if not next to them? It’s not like they can swing by themselves. Just do what makes you feel comfortable.

@Jfb23

Instead of getting her out, stop swinging her or stop the swing. I refuse to push my 19 month old unless she's holding on with both hands and have since always. She learnt that pretty quick because she didn't want the swinging to stop. Even though she doesn't understand yet, just keep telling her why you're stopping. She will soon understand. You're definitely not over reacting. Mama knows best.

Yep.

Your problem is actually here
she doesn't really get it if we tell her no and we don't want to make it into a giant discipline thing as swings are just meant to be fun!

These aren't the only 2 options and she will get "hold on and then you have fun" message very quickly

People look and judge you for standing by a 13 month old child?

She's only 13 months. She needs supervision. The people judging are probably the ones that either don't keep an eye on their children in the park or just sit and natter with their friends and their kids are nowhere to be seen.

I'm not sure if I've misunderstood but I don't understand how you could not hover and be within arm's length of a 13 month old in a swing - apart from anything else, aren't you pushing them? I would still stand directly next to my three year old if he was in a 'baby' swing (he's just starting to be able to use the normal kind by himself) because otherwise I've essentially trapped him - they can't get out by themselves!

How could you not hover while she’s on the swings? Aren’t you standing right there pushing her? Where are all these judgey non-hovering parents standing?

DD used to try and stand up in the swings, we would just stop it moving and say she had to sit down or we’d get her out. I think as your DD gets bigger she’ll be less likely to fall out as the seat won’t be as big around her iyswim- my DD always seemed more secure in the seat as she grew.

Wedge her in with coats - blankets, whatever you can find, until she gets old enough to hold on reliably.

I used to strap ds in but I presume your seconds don't have straps.

I have never seen a parent of a small child not hover so I don't understand what the alternative is...where else would you stand?

**swings not seconds

It would be helicopter parenting if she was 13 year old, not 13 month old!

Jesus, do you just think toddlers are supposed to parent themselves? How is she meant to learn how to operate safely in the real world if you don't physically set boundaries? Playground equipment is meant to be used with hands-on parent supervision.

I though you were going to say your child was 8 years old or something. Failing to see what's unreasonable about keeping a toddler out of danger ?

Thanks all, glad to hear I'm hopefully not crazy. To clarify - she's now 16 months (not that that makes much difference) and of course there's no question that she would be supervised. What my partner and others seem to think is nuts is that I'm standing so close as to pretty much have a hand on the swing at all times and stop her at the first sign of wiggling. I did mention to one mum also pushing her baby that she had fallen out and she still made clear she thought I was being over the top, but I suspect like me she didn't really realise it was possible/assumed it was a totally freak accident. Will keep on with stopping swinging when the wriggling starts and hope she gets the message soon. Also, @ChateauMargaux that phrase is a great tip. She's very much at the age where she loves climbing up on things and has zero awareness of risk. I can imagine it coming in very helpful in future

Supervising a baby / toddler on a swing is completely rational.

When we take DDs to the park, DH will sort of follow them around and hover.

DDs are 7 and 10!!

I sit and read a book whilst rolling my eyes at DH

What my partner and others seem to think is nuts is that I'm standing so close as to pretty much have a hand on the swing at all times

So you’re moving backwards and forwards as the swing swings? I would think that was a little over the top. If I was concerned about safety I would just not push the swing as hard (so they didn’t swing as far away from me) rather than shuffling back and forth with it.

You can’t helicopter parent a baby/very young toddler. Having an attentive parent is literally what they need to stay safe.

What does your husband want to to do go sit on a bench and watch your dd from a distance? At 13 months they need supervision on the swings I know when mine was that age they needed me to push them. Your not a helicopter parent little ones need supervision.