DH and I just had a brief but big argument because I came down from a very rushed shower (baby aged 3mths cries whenever I leave her) to him moaning about feeling he is useless because due to breastfeeding she won't ever settle with him.I empathised that this isnt ideal and must be hard, but explained that it's because I care for her literally nearly all the time day and night and so she has naturally built up a strong attachment to me.I also reminded him that when she was a newborn he got funny with me because I was giving her top up bottles of formula at midnight because I'd tried several times to settle her but she wasn't, with him saying 'can't you just give it one more go' because breastmilk is best.He responded with 'yeah but I didn't know she would end up not taking bottles' He then went on to tell me that I'm making a 'rod for my own back' that old ridiculous chestnut because I've got 'too strong' attachment to her and she can't ever be left with anyone.I got angry then and said there is no such thing, it's a positive that we have a strong bond and he should see that this benefits her.He said 'well don't moan that you can't go out then' which is really unfair because I do find it hard not being able to even have a bath lately because she just cries when away from me, but you get out what you put in and I'm the main carer and very dedicated to both my girls who I do most for, so I think I'm entitled to the reward of them being most attached to me.
I then lost it told him to f*off called him a stupid idiot and said he is turning into a very ugly person with those sort of comments and I have done nothing wrong and said it is horrible making me feel like a criminal for wanting the best for our baby.
I then slammed the door on him and ran upstairs holding baby (and the bannister...i was being careful) he then called me irresponsible for that then proceeded to call me a psycho.I shouldn't have lost it at him but I was so bloody angry at him!
He has also been very negative, critical and disconnected with our nearly 5yo recently which I've picked him up on as she is hard work behaviour wise but we need to change our parenting as we have been ctiticising and shouting and using threats way too much with her lately, and I felt he was being too hard on her and just seeing her in a negative light.
It may sound surprising given what I've said but he can, in general be a very loving, supportive and devoted husband and dad, and he isn't a bad person, but he does have a spiteful side.
I just worry because we used to agree on the fundamental principles of parenting and tried to follow gentle/attachment parenting somewhat but that's all gone out the window alot the past couple of years For me I still want to try to live by that mainly, I just find it hard as I get stressed and impatient easily and have a quick temper, but I feel like for him he has lost all faith in it and is not diverting to disciplinarian/ authoritarian parenting because he believes it is right now rather than just due to feeling overwhelmed or stressed....we seem to be on such different pages sometimes.I've worked with children and families for many years so I try to impart some knowledge on him in a helpful way, but he just gets all sarcy and arsey with me saying stuff like 'oh you tell me what to do in 'x' situation then if you're such an expert'
Sorry for the rant...just feel so stressed right now.My dad died in november which has been hard and so don't want to put too much on my mum, or my friends especially as my best friend of 30 years has currently got breast cancer too :(
I just need his understanding but he is too wrapped up in his own mood swings due to his OCD to be rational, kind or reasonable it seems...we have a relationship of 2 extremes....sometimes we get on great and are very caring and supportive, other times we row like cat and dog, which i know isn't great for DD as she has witnessed too many arguments, although not that much over the past year or so as things have been much better with that since we got relationship counselling.