Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

In laws

16 replies

Becs14 · 29/01/2022 22:44

I'm at my wits end with the in laws and I'm really unhappy. My little boy is 9 months old and I didn't have much of a problem with them before I was pregnant but my mother in law and grandmother in law are just too much to deal with. There is too much to write down but the Mil especially is childish, overbearing, wants her own way, keeps commenting on everything I do.. For example asking when I was going to stop breastfeeding (as if what I'm doing is weird) and saying he'd sleep better and be fuller on a bottle (he's always been a good sleeper and is thriving on breast milk)
Saying things like I'm a bad mother to my baby, apparently as a joke but it hurts. My little boy is everything to me and he is so loved and looked after. No matter what we do, she is just never happy. We live just less than an hour away from them and she hates this fact. Every time we see her she says we should move to live near them, she has no care in the world for my family.
My post probably doesn't do justice to how difficult she has been but I haven't got the energy to write all of the things that have happened in the last few months. Any tips or advice please? Or has anyone been through something similar with their in laws. My partner is supportive and told her over Christmas all the comments need to stop because they're upsetting me but she still hasn't. It's making me start to resent him as well. We see them as often as we can and even stay over some weekends. I send photos of him all the time. Just fed up

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Shmithecat2 · 29/01/2022 22:46

Your partner needs to step up, and you need to block them.

Ozanj · 29/01/2022 22:48

Stop communicating with them. Delete their numbers. Leave groups. Stop doing birthdays. Let your DP handle all of it on his side. It’s the only way he’ll take it seriously enough to want to do something about it

Sally872 · 29/01/2022 22:52

How do you respond to hurtful comments? I would be saying something there and then the mumsnet classic "did you mean to be so rude?" Or similar. If that doesn't shame her into stopping then I wouldn't be around her. DH can visit with DC when suits him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6-9 months old 9-12 months old Babies & sleep Families

Original poster

Becs14 · 31/01/2022 10:43

Thanks. I try and answer back a bit now but I find it awkward. Something is definitely going to have to be said. Yesterday she said to my son as I put him on his mat and he fell back awkwardly that I was rubbish and need to get rid of me. As a joke, but I don't see it as a joke. I really don't want to be around her. I spoke to my partner yesterday morning briefly before they arrived again (they've had covid so they came both days over the weekend to see my baby) and he was upset that its happening again and said he will have to speak to her but I haven't had anything out of him since about it. I don't feel like I should have to ignore her and let her get away with it. His first birthday party will be a nightmare if this carries on because my parents really don't like her at the moment.

OP posts:

Pleaseuniverseplease · 31/01/2022 10:49

I'm guessing your family live closer to you.
I think this sounds like bitterness and jealousy.

inheritancetrack · 31/01/2022 10:57

Far too much family involvement here. You need to put your foot down and get your dh to do the same. Be too busy to see them

moocow123456 · 31/01/2022 10:59

Oh this is so horrible.

My MIL absolutely crushed me and my confidence when my first baby was born and she was nowhere near as bad as this. I can't imagine how horrible this must be.

I think you will have to say something directly to her. If she doesn't change, I would stop seeing her.

What a horrible, spiteful cow.

moocow123456 · 31/01/2022 11:00

I've just read this again and it makes me sooo angry. Please say something to her.

Original poster

Becs14 · 31/01/2022 11:02

Yes we live half an hour from mine, and not being biased because they're my side. My parents are older, more laid back and haven't given us any trouble. Whereas she lives 50 mins away and doesn't like this fact. She's always saying we should move closer to them, where the house prices were a lot more expensive anyway

OP posts:

CaveMum · 31/01/2022 11:26

Firstly, sending you a big virtual hug. Being a new mum is bloody hard as it is without idiotic comments from those who should know better.

You need to get your partner (are you married? You call her MIL but him your partner) to step it up - he needs to tell MIL that she needs to stop talking about you moving house and that the comments on your parenting need to cease immediately. He needs to make it clear that continued comments will be met with withdrawal of invitations to visit. There need to be consequences to their actions or they will carry on ignoring you and making snide comments because they know you won't do anything about it.

onedayoranother · 31/01/2022 12:32

If she ever says something about getting rid of you I'd say you'd be taking the baby with you and that would be the end of that!
Your husband must talk to her - it's unacceptable.

Playgroundsandpuzzles · 05/04/2022 12:33

Hi, I have older children and have just come on to look at threads to help with my inlaws. Your story really chimed for me from when my boy was a baby.
We have moved to put distance in between my inlaws and us so it limits contact.
I still regularly fall in and out of favour.
I would work to put sold boundaries in before your baby gets older. It’s really not worth the blood sweat and tears. X

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 05/04/2022 12:43

Imo your phone needs a fault...leave all communication and photos to dh to deal with.
And every comment you pick up your baby and leave the room. Or the house.. Ring dh and tell him to let you know when they have left... This needs nipping now.

mariiinaa · 05/04/2022 19:58

if you see that your partner saying something isn't having a change in her behaviour, you have to say something. tell your partner that she's not respecting his requests and you're going to have to take matters into your own hands. she can't treat you like this, especially in front of your own child. it's vile behaviour.

User0ne · 05/04/2022 20:09

If she's rude when you're at her house then leave. Literally get up and go home. If you want you can say to her that she's been told before that her comments are rude and that you don't have to put up with them.

If it happens at your house send her home or go out just you and baby till she's gone.

Stop doing the communication (do can do that) and be less available. Like hell would I spend all weekend with someone so upsetting.

Ivegotalovelybunch · 05/04/2022 20:36

Time to put your big girl pants on and stand up for yourself. Get your DH onboard but don’t have him fighting your battles for you, will just make you look weak. She needs to see you stand up for yourself. And you have the power here, the power of her seeing her grandchild. Most people will bite their tongue if they know their actions will have consequences. At the moment you at letting her walk all over you. Practice practice practice your retorts to her if you want to reply in the moment. If you aren’t ‘in the moment’ then think back to the last few insults and digs write them down. Get her over for coffee. Get your DH to entertain the baby in another room.
Say ‘we need to have a talk. Do you remember last week when this happened and you said x. Or yesterday when y happened and you said z? How do you think that makes me feel?’
She’ll likely say ‘it was a joke’ and you can say ‘I don’t find it funny. I really want me and GG to have a good relationship with you so I thought it would be best to be honest with you and say that it actually really hurts my feelings and I’d like you to stop. I’m a new mum, I need my confidence building and I’d like you to be a part of that. Good, I’m glad we had this talk. Now would you like a biscuit?’

You’ve then done the ground work. If she strays from this then you can show other family members that you’ve been very reasonable. You can then consider if you reduce contact etc.

Flip