Screaming toddler! Help!

[LisaGibs]

I just don't know what to do anymore. My toddler will not stop screaming, he doesn't listen to a word I say, will laugh in my face (which literally destroys me) Tried a quiet spot (naughty spot as some people call it) for him to calm down and think about what hes doing. But he will just scream over and over and over. I'm loosing my mind. I'm crying almost every day. I feel like I can't take him anywhere as it just won't be enjoyable for anyone. Even the pre school has mentioned it to me and wants to get him assessed but that's not for a while. I just feel like such a failure! My partner is always working so I dont really get a break from this.

This isn't advice or a recommendation but I would have to walk away! If it was constant especially! Just walk into a different room nearby!

Sounds really tough, especially the fact you are effectively on your own What age toddler is he @LisaGibs?

Is he tired/upset/tantrumming or just deploying the screams to get his own way?

Parents are like the building that surrounds a kid. They want to be able to push at the walls without them wobbling. It's not easy but you need to not cry or get upset when he does this. It'll make him distressed or curious and he'll do it more.

This kind of thing knocks your confidence, makes you go out less but I honestly think getting out helps because there is more interesting stuff to distract them.

If he screams, I'd first try to vocalise what he's saying ' are you upset because you want more cake' etc, then if that doesn't work say 'you need to use words not screaming' then ultimately act as if the screaming made no difference to you. Say 'let me know when you're ready to talk' etc and get on with something.

If he screams and you get upset and everything stops and he's the centre of attention, he's going to keep doing it.

He’s getting a reaction from you which is what wants. You have to stay calm and walk away. Say calmly but firmly to him that you will come back when he stops screaming.

Get down to his level, ask what's wrong, what's making you sad, what's making you angry.
If he doesn't give you an answer and continues to scream you walk away for couple minutes.
Come back, if he's still screaming, ask again and walk away telling him you will come back when he's stopped.

If preschool are talking about getting him assessed, it's possible that it isn't your parenting that is to blame. Have you considered getting help from your local homestart organisation? They have a lot of resources and sometimes even volunteers who will help you out and advocate for you.

Not sure if "it's possible that it isn't your parenting that's to blame" will come across in the wrong way. What I mean to say is that you seem to be blaming yourself but if your child has additional needs this may be his way of communicating something or releasing tension e.g. from sensory overload.

Firstly the laughter is more likely to be a reaction to feeling uncomfortable or uncertain than to be laughing at you. A meltdown occurs when someone is overwhelmed and can't express how they feel. Try to look at what's starting the meltdown. The best way to manage them is to try to change what's happening externally rather than hoping toddler will change. So for example if he screams because it's time to put toys away and ge doesn't want to try a visual timer or a tidy up song. So your changing the behaviour by changing what's happening in the room. Don't expect anything from him during a meltdown they are scary for children and he is not in a place to manage anything else. Just support him and keep him safe. A time out can help reset things but stay with him. If you sense he's heading to meltdown try to distract him before it hits. Encourage him to tell you what's wrong if he can before it starts or after he's calmed down so you can try and manage it better next time. Lower your expectations and pick your battles let the little stuff go for now. If nursery suspect asd the referral process could start now. ADHD is typically a bit older.