6 years of broken sleep – is this normal?

[WhenWilliSleep]

Hi,

I've never written a post on here :-) Hoping for either some reassurance or tips.

I have 2 DDs, 3 and 6. And majority of the time one or both are up in the night, at least once but usually more – when my youngest wakes she's then up from 12 or 2am and then comes in our room every hour after.

Then if the eldest is woken too, they both play together and where she's so tired, eldest DD is difficult to reason with and gets angry about being made to go back to bed.

I know I'm not thinking rationally as I'm so tired, and also have PMS lol, but I'm struggling so much to be a good mum, I lose my temper and shout. I can't reason with myself that they're not doing this deliberately and I (silently) resent my friends whose kids generally sleep really well. I feel like we're doing something wrong or that this is our life for the duration (until they're teenagers maybe?!)

They have very stable bedtime routines, and go to bed pretty well, they just have trouble going back when they wake in the night.

Basically I just want to know I'm not alone! And that I'm not an awful mum for struggling on massively broken sleep. We're very fortunate in our lives, I have a fairly helpful husband, and I work for myself part time so I can nap if I have time and need to–so I also feel like I'm massively ungrateful and moaning about nothing. I just need sleep so much!

Also just watched the Lost Daughter on Netflix which I think depressed me lol as I could relate to quite a bit :-( Not all but I won't ruin it!

Thanks everyone, that's a lot to unpack lol

Just to say the purflo snoozee clock has a child lock that seems pretty effective. Would it help to have a stock phrase to repeat over and over in the night to remind you that the kindest thing to do is get them more sleep - something like “its best for you if you go back to bed now”? I dont engage with my 3 year old apart from boring phrases like that (unless she is ill/ frightened etc obviously). She goes to sleep around 7:30/8 - if she went to sleep at 6:15 she would definitely be up at 4 as well.

Then we have a bit of tv time then we head up for bath, teeth, pj's at around 5.50/6pm and then we each pick a kid for story time then lights out around 6.15/6.30pm.

That part seems nailed so reluctant to change that but guess I need to if I want sleep lol xxxx

I know you seem reluctant to move the bit that seems to work but that is such an early bed time for a 6 year old and undoubtedly contributes to her waking up so early! Of course she's tired by 5pm .... she's been awake since 3am! It might take a few nights to reset her body clock but it will be worth it.

My 7 year old gets his pjs on at 8 and goes up to bed at 8.30 with the aim of being asleep by 9.
I know that's later than most but he'll sleep until 7.30-8 if we let him.

Could you try routine just an hour later?

Give snack at 3.30/4pm. Then dinner 6pm.

Drink wise, can you encourage drinks more at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and with afternoon snack. So by bedtime they have had a decent amount. I would leave water though incase thirsty. Dinner 6pm with drink. Toilet after dinner. Play or whatever you do. Second trip to toilet before pjs and bed. So double toilet trips.

So they have dinner at 5, a snack before bed and a drink at bedtime which they keep with them and bed prep starts at 5.50?

That sounds very rushed and do they really need a snack 50 minutes after dinner?

I'd do a small snack at pickup time, move dinner a bit later (no meal between 5 pm and breakfast the next day is a long time - some waking might be because they are hungry). Maybe have a small glass of milk before bed, but have that downstairs - they don't need to have constant drink during the night - that will be causing some of the toilet trips.

I also think your older one definitely needs a bit more downtime before getting in and going to bed.

Try a change in routine over half term and keep it up for the week - you need to give them time to adjust and the first few days/nights won't be pleasant.

@Seeline yeah it's not always like that, and if dinner is later then bed is later but get your point. And the snack before bed is usually a small banana or something cos they always say they're hungry - prob a delay tactic.

And it might not make much difference but she's not quite 6 yet, lol. But yeah we will try later bed time. She's not the main problem, its the 3 yo.

Half term is a good idea for making a change xxxx

DSis didn't sleep through the night until she was 6. That's when the doctor realised she was allergic to E numbers. (They still play havoc with her sleep now that she's in her 30s).

As well as causing night terrors and sleep walking, they made her need the loo in the night. One of the most important things for combating this is making her drink a lots and lots in the morning and early afternoon. You're effectively trying to stretch her bladder, so that she's got more room at night and doesn't need to wake up to empty it.

I think the advice to change her bedtime to 7 when the clocks change is excellent. It will still feel like 6 to her and she might take to it a lot more easily than she would at any other time of year.

Finally, have a look at www.careitout.com
I know how scary it is to change the only part of bedtime that seems to work. But the setup for bed is likely to be what you need to change in order to get her to sleep through. I found Kerry so helpful when I had to sort out DDs sleep.

Good luck