When controlled crying isn't working

[HenrysHome]

Please help an exhausted mummy out! Ds 16months has woken every two hours since birth. I am 16 weeks pregnant with number two and I just can't take it anymore. We are day three of a pretty gentle version of controlled crying - will leave him 2/3 mins before going to him, calm and repeat. Tonight he out himself to bed all on his own with no problems and I thought we'd cracked it. But he's woken every three hours and he's been awake since 2am refusing to go back to sleep. Why don't we have the magic night three like everyone else? Where am I going wrong?

We sleep trained and night 4 was our worst. I'd stick with it for another few days and reassess after a week

Did you comfort fully so they stopped crying when you went in or just went in and left again?

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

We sleep trained and night 4 was our worst. I'd stick with it for another few days and reassess after a week

Same for us

Stick with it. You're at the worst point. I promise it gets better in the next few nights. Don't give up now, it will be so worth it.

Just a light shhhh and a pat when you go in, not sitting with them for half an hour to completely calm them down. The idea is that they learn to self soothe, knowing you're nearby and that they are safe. You're teaching them that they can do it themselves.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! Do you stay in the room after you've done a quick comfort so they can see you or do you comfort and leave? Feel like I'm all over the place and confused ha

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee, @twoladsnow did it work for you in the end?

We ended up doing a more of a gradual retreat than controlled crying, so went from holding to sleep and putting down, to both on the mattress on the floor, to both on the mattress but only hold hands, then on the chair, then popping out briefly for some reason, to leaving the room completely.
It was super hard times but we focused on the fact we are teaching him that it's safe for him to sleep alone.
Before that we were co sleeping but we were constantly kicked and butted in the face and he didn't get that much sleep either.
Good luck!

Gradual retreat is much kinder. Fwiw my kids all woke up in the night until they started school! Does he kick covers off and get cold etc? It does improve but in my experience it’s slow

Controlled crying worked for us in the end, it just took a week, it peaked at day 4 is all!

I'll say that we didn't do sleep training lightly, it wasn't because DS was waking overnight, it was because he wasn't sleeping for more than 45 minutes at a time, DH and I were on opposite deep patterns to facilitate safe sleeping for him and after 6 months we were at breaking point.

DS still woke at night, twice or so but that was amazing compared to what we had been doing. He started sleeping through the night about 15 months I think, although at 3yr 4 month he's still a very early riser! Less of an issue as we have non-sleeping 5 week old DS2 now!

We are on night 7 now I think, there's been an improvement in bedtimes but he's still waking multiple times at night, last night it was 5 times and tonight he's been awake since 2 refusing to settle. At what point do you decide it's not working and change tack??

Don’t give in. That will make all this effort for nothing. 16 months is old to be doing this (we did our first 3 at 6 months and #4 will be the same), and they all cracked on night 2 or 3.

It’s just going to take longer because they know they can get you to come and cuddle them. They will eventually just go back to sleep. If nothing else, sheer exhaustion will carry them off.

It’s rough, and you feel like garbage, and you are wound up by the crying, and you just want what’s easy (fair). But if you give in now you will just have the same struggle again later, except they’ll be older, more stubborn, and you possibly have a new born in tow as well.

Also that it’s improving is a sign it’s working. Don’t give in

Yep I'd keep going. You are teaching them how to self soothe, its a skill that needs developing and a restful night sleep is beneficial for them. And for you!!!

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! He's just gone back off now, I think....he's so desperate to hold my hand to fall asleep with 😭 I'm trying to let him hold for a little bit then sneak it away while he's still awake and sneak out, poor little thing!

@HenrysHome Did the controlled crying work for you in the end? X