Potty Training need help. Extremely stressed.

[Fritilleries]

My 3.5 year old flat out refuses to poo on the potty. He will wee but not poo. I have no idea how to get him to do it. I've told him he's not a baby anymore and he just ignores me. Sick of dealing with literal toddler shit.

Poo goes to poo land app.
Have a look on the eric websites.

Now can you tell me how to get my 2.5 yr old to stop playing go to the potty or ask for the potty.

Please don’t belittle him saying he’s not a baby any more, that isn’t going to encourage him to do it.

Many kids have this issue, we used to have to bribe DS to poo on the potty/toilet. He had no problems going for a wee but took a lot longer to poo.

As soon as he started making his “poo face” we would encourage him with ‘quick, good boy do it on the toilet for a …..’ whatever we were bribing him with. Little matchbox cars worked well as did chocolate, a new comic or stickers on reward chart. He would get a cheer and a clap and a reward. Even so it still took a lot longer for him to do.

Your DS will get there eventually.

OP, how long have you been trying and what made you start? We got strong messages from nursery that DS was not yet showing signs of being ready - perhaps your DS also just isn't ready yet?

If he is ready and you feel putting him back in nappies would be a bad thing for him, then you could try saying that poos are done on the toilet with a training seat? We did this with our boy early on as advised by a wise friend and it was win-win - he felt comforted by the stability of a big solid toilet vs flimsy plastic potty - and it meant we just flushed poop away instead of rinsing the potty out! So that might be worth a try?

One of the negative outcomes of potty training before the child is ready is that they can get constipated from holding poops in due to fear of using the potty. That's something that's worth avoiding, so if it's not working then it's kinder (on both of you!) to just go back to nappies for a bit.

Good luck!

He's not daft. He knows what he is doing. He lies and says he'll have a nap so when a nappy is put on so he can sleep then he poos. And doesn't nap. There's been so much back and forward from nappies to pants etc. He'll wee in pants but not poo and we were having days where he would be in a foul temper because he needed to poo but wouldn't poo on the potty. I'm just fed up of dealing with it.

I’ve only toilet trained two children so I’m not an expert by any means but I wonder about two things from your update: (1) I think it becomes a power struggle if you go from nappies to pants and it shows you aren’t 100% committed (although I understand that may mean cleaning dirty pants), and (2) what about if you take the power struggle right out of it and just say flat out “ok, what do you want to do? Do you want to go back to nappies full time? That’s fine with me but I do notice older kids and adults don’t wear nappies so you tell me when you want to change your mind about it.” And genuinely go with his choice. He might not be ready today but a week or month or three months might be different.

But as I said, I’m no expert. My kids were very young to train (before 2) and in a way it may have been easier because they didn’t have the confidence, determination and awareness of a 3.5 yr old.

I never used a potty at all for DD2 cos they are gross. Bought a step and seat. She went to the toilet fine. Helped by the fact nursery also only used toilets.

I've used a step and seat which has been great. I also stopped using nappies for bed and naps. Also as soon as he goes to use potty for a poo carry him and put him on the toilet. This is what I do with my toddler and he likes pulling he flush etc.

We had same issue with son, i honestly can't remember what age he overcame it, but he would hold poos in until bedtime and poo in pull up as soon as in bed. Moving on for years he would hold poos until he got home and never do them elsewhere. We did rewards and prizes and stories and encouragement. It just took a lot longer. Our daughter had no issue just pooed straight away.

Bless you OP I can sense how frustrated you are. But sorry to say I don't think you should feel or express that you're frustrated with him, that's going to add to the pressure on him and be counter-productive.

Did you read any of the books? The one I skimmed through was very clear that the child has to feel relaxed and positive, that they get praise if they do it right and 'no worries' if they have an accident.

You say 'he lies' like it's a wicked thing but there is no equivalence between an adult being dishonest to cheat or exploit (HELLO BORIS!) and a little child telling a fib because they thing they'll get in trouble telling the truth. It's normal child behaviour and he's still so little. Potty training is harder for some kids than others but he's not deliberately doing this wrong.

There's a reason for what he's doing - he's either scared of how pooping out of the nappy feels, or scared of the 'wobbly potty' (like mine was), or scared that you'll be angry if he does it wrong... or something. But you'll get a better outcome quicker if you can be kind and gentle with him and let him tell you what he wants/needs/chooses, like the PP said. What you're doing at the moment is doing neither of you any good.

Best of luck with it.

OP, how long have you been trying and what made you start? We got strong messages from nursery that DS was not yet showing signs of being ready - perhaps your DS also just isn't ready yet?

He's 3.5

I am stressed. I've had enough of it.