18 week old baby won’t sleep without me

[bpriceI]

I’m beginning to feel like a really terrible mum! My beautiful baby boy who is all smiles in the day just will not sleep without me whether it’s a nap or overnight. I’m worried I’ve done something wrong and it’s my fault he is not like this. He was born 7 weeks premature so his adjusted age is 12 weeks however developmentally he’s always been his birth age in terms of milestones. I’ve tried everything, 2 different cribs, heating the bed, patting etc and nothing has yet to work to keep him down for more than 40 minutes to an hour.
Just to add he had severe bronchilitis from 6-13 weeks and was only able to sleep being held upright due to the congestion so this is where my ‘spoiling him’ concerns stems from - thank you in advance for any advice god knows I need it!

Oh gosh, none of this is your fault!! You are not spoiling him!! It is impossible to spoil a baby.

Babies naturally want to be with their caregivers, it's where they're safe and secure. Your baby's behaviour is absolutely biologically normal. Some people are blessed with babies that are happy to sleep anywhere but most find that their babies will not settle without that closeness.

My advice would be to ditch all notions of 'bad habits' or spoiling your baby and go with your baby's lead. If you're co sleeping, just make sure you follow the safe sleep seven from the lullaby Trust.

This won't be forever. Xx

Gosh you have not spoiled him, he's a tiny baby and wants to be with his caregivers as evolution tells him he'll get eaten by a wolf otherwise. Just enjoy the cuddles and your gorgeous boy

Three kids here, what you describe is perfectly normal. I held all mine for naps or walked in the buggy with them til they were well over six months old. They would also only be put down asleep at night with me holding them.
It’s all normal don’t worry. As is feeding them to sleep. Think I did that til about 16 months. They do sleep eventually. Enjoy the cuddles

Just to add to other comments this sounds completely normal. Also if he's doing naps of up to an hour in the cot on his own that sounds pretty good going for 18 weeks! My little boy only managed this from about 6 months and only reliably in the last six weeks or so (he's 9months now)

You're not doing anything wrong you're your baby's safe space that's all! Let yourself off the hook!

Thank you all for the support! He won’t nap without some form of movement (pram or sling) and they usually last up to an hour max.
I’m fairly sure it’s normal but other half is adamant our little man is the anomaly and trying to encourage cry it out which would break my heart to do!

Hugs @bpriceI for how hard it is now but congratulations on your lovely baby.

Have you downloaded the wonder weeks app? I found it really helpful and it helped me get in a frame of mind where I wasn't completely frazzled and trying to "fix" a problem all the time.

My kids aren't babies now but my imparting advice is this: do not read the books. They are a waste of time that you don't have and will make you feel like shit. There is no such thing as a rod. I promise. Cuddle that baby. If sleeping on you for a few nights is what's needed then that's what's needed. If he's in a growth spurt feed feed feed. It will pass. It all passes. Hand hold whilst you're in the thick of it though.

Oh. And 4am is officially the worse time of the day. You've got this xx

Yes yes yes to the pram. Rocking them in that is completely normal!

Oh my goodness, I know how hard it is. You haven't done anything wrong and when they're so young you can't spoil them - they're completely ruled by the ancient part of their brain and need to feel safe to sleep. You make your baby feel safe and that's lovely. At that age the vast vast majority of babies need to be held/rocked/fed to sleep. And 40-60 minutes - amazing! When I actually spoke to people about the detail (how many minutes) most of us (especially with boys!) had 20-45 minute naps at that age. I had a week where DSs morning nap was 9 mins. Nine! Every day! Obviously there's always one baby who's a monster snoozer but they are the minority. And I have canvassed a lot of mums!

Things that helped me were co-sleeping (look up how to do it safely), going for a walk every morning so DS got a nap and I got out of the house and if I had a class or something I had to be on time for around nap time I'd travel there early enough to do a walk when I got there, or if he fell asleep in the car just sit in the car park until he woke up - it took the stress out of trying to get him down with enough time to change a nappy travel etc after he woke. At 9 months he was still only napping 30 mins and waking early in the morning (4-5am every day) so we did some sleep training - it isn't all cry it out. We did a fading technique and there was hardly any crying really. It hasn't made him the perfect little sleeper the books advertise but it is much much better. I'm glad we waited until he was a little older though - he's better able to settle himself now than when he was little.

Absolutely do not do cry it out. Everything you describe is 100% normal! They take very brief naps at this age unless held!

My boy slept on me for the first six months of his life. Would not go into cot for any naps, would wake up the minute I went to put him in. If by some miracle I managed to get him down it was for 10 minutes the he would be up again. He also needed rocked to sleep for all naps and his overnight sleep. He's only just in the last three weeks started sleeping in his cot. It just happened on day when I tired again. Granted he only sleeps for 25/30 minutes but it's better than before l. He will get there. He was always ok at sleeping in his cot overnight strangely.

Thank you so much for all your kind and compassionate responses I have read them all and every one has helped me to feel more assured that I know my own baby! He is gorgeous, happy and healthy and I truly believe he will get there RE sleeping in his own time