DH cannot settle DC

[Butteryflakycrust83]

My DD is now 18 months old and she still will not settle from a cry or go to sleep for DH.
We cosleep and breastfeed so I understand I am still the primary caregiver to her. DH does so much with her - he picks her up from nursery, they cook and eat dinner on the days I am in the office, we all go out on lots of family activities and he takes her out for walks alone. So its not a case of him not putting the time in. But if I am in view, its me she primarily wants to be with.
If she gets upset, no matter what he does she just screams until she starts to hyperventilate. As soon as I take her, she stops.
She sleeps fine by herself at nursery, so I know she CAN sleep independently, but I think because she always had the same routine at bed time, she wouldn't understand bed without me and the boob.

Does anyone have any tips on how to start pushing through this? I would LOVE, just for once, to be able to be out past 6pm in the evening, knowing DC was happy, soothed and able to go to sleep!

As soon as I take her, she stops.
I know it's difficult, but this is the issue imo.

I think you need to do it together for a few nights probably then 'slowly be less available'

@Justmuddlingalong

As soon as I take her, she stops. I know it's difficult, but this is the issue imo.

Yup. Your daughter isn't daft. She knows if she pitches a fit you'll come running. She has trained you both quite well.

You just go out tbh. If you are in the house, of course she will want you if you've always done bedtime. So go out at 6 and then your DH and dd will have to find a way together. Will it be hard for him the first few times? Of course. But don't text/call to find out what is happening (or accept a call from him saying dd needs to say goodnight, that really won't help)

@Justmuddlingalong

As soon as I take her, she stops. I know it's difficult, but this is the issue imo.

Agreed she's not daft she knows exactly how to get what she wants even at 18 months. As harsh as it sounds, the only way you can break the habit is to go out and stop taking over.

Why not go out then? What happens if you leave for a few hours?

You need to not be there.

Do a bedtime feed, then hand her over to him for a story in her room and leave. Go for a walk.

@Justmuddlingalong

As soon as I take her, she stops. I know it's difficult, but this is the issue imo.

Yep.

You have to leave them to it. If you being in view is the problem, then get out of view! Go out and leave them to it.

Has he tried it without you there? Dd2 won't settle for dh if she knows that there is an option, but if I make a big show of saying bye and going out (not always going anywhere) she will settle for him fine.

If it's because she can see you and she's fine at nursery, have you tried going out in an evening?

My DS was the same and had separation anxiety solely when away from me. It took a long time for DH to settle him. He's 10 now and still prefers me to put him to bed.

My friend used to say bye as if going to work (she worked evenings), go out of the front door, Dad took the child up for the bed routine and my friend would go back in the house through the back door. Just shows kids know and if you are there then she will want you, but if she thinks you're out then Dad is the only option. Good luck!

I also cosleep and breastfeed and my partner was unable to put dd to sleep.

Nursery moved her into the 1-2 room but she can't yet party as hard as a 2yr old. She was coming home physically exhausted and unable to keep her eyes propped open. I fed her and did bathtime as normal, but passed her to him for the final tuck in while I stayed in the bath with a glass of wine.

She did cry for 2-3mins but was too tired to fight sleep so nodded off. We did this after nursery each day (she does 3 days a week) and after a bit she got used to Dad.

I know sleep begets sleep, but maybe try a lengthy softplay session and let your hubby put her down to bed after? Tired from physical activity is a bit different from the wired up tired they seem to get from being awake too long, ime.