18 month old - what’s happened?!

[Dav87]

Help!
What’s happened to my happy-go-lucky, funny, smiley baby?!
I’m guessing this is all just developmental, but I’m reeeally struggling at the moment - any advice or suggestions would be super appreciated!
There’s a few things:

• DD won’t let anyone have a conversation that doesn’t involve her, she screams, cries, shouts, until the attention is back on her. I had a brain haemorrhage 7 years ago with lasting effects, and I can’t bear the screaming when I’m trying to talk, I find it so triggering and end up shouting at her 😭

• Shes gone so picky with her eating, she won’t eat lots of things I know that she likes, and has started pushing her plate away after a few bits. If I put Mr Tumble on the iPad for her, she will eat the entire meal, very slowly but she will pick at it until it’s gone. This is obviously creating bad habits but I’m stuck in the cycle now - without Mr T she won’t eat! ☹️

• she is OBSESSED with phones, as soon as she sees one she will scream the house down until she’s allowed to play with it. I am enforcing boundaries here and keeping them away from her but it’s literally a huge meltdown every time until she wears herself out.

• cleaning teeth is an absolute no, again, huge meltdown until I either give up or practically pin her down - neither of which I want to be doing!

• she has no interest whatsoever in any game or activity I try to do with her, she likes just running round and causing havoc 😂 she will never sit and play alone. She’s literally the busiest child I’ve ever known.

She was such a happy baby and we had such an amazing bond - now I just feel that she doesn’t particularly like me and just whines and grumps her way through each day.

Please help, any advice would be amazing - even if it’s just to one of the points!!! X

It's fun isn't it! I'm a few months in front of you and my DD was similar. My eldest set me up, was a dream child so my second took me by surprise.

Teeth no negotiating. Pin her down and brush them, my DD still doesn't like it but after a couple of seconds gives in, I've sang the same song every time and she now smiles when it gets to the main part.

I don't let her play with my phone (she launched my other one) I just kept putting it down if she noticed and said no, then distract with a toy.

I know the screaming effects you but the best thing I did was ignore it, feeding In to it trying to calm her set her off even more, losing my cool set her off too. I would just get up and walk away or carry on what I was doing while she threw a tantrum.

My DD is still a mini dictator but is a lot happier. Just have to ride it out. Good luck!

Sounds exactly like my boy, also 18 months. No focus, bags of energy, just wants to be into everything and shouts at me when I don't let him. I did the Mr Tumble thing with my daughter too and tbh she's a fab eater now and it hasn't affected her in the slightest. It gets easier when they can express themselves a bit more and have better concentration. I think!!

Toddlers are evil little dictators who can’t express exactly what they want yet but can move/run/scream.
I try to stay calm when my one kicks off then distract him. Also ask if he’s finished 😂

Try and eat things together. My som wouldn’t eat off his plate but would eat off mine!

• with the screaming say 'no, I'm talking you need to wait please' and then carry on talking. If she does wait, huge praise. If she doesn't, finishe what you're saying and then turn to her to see what she wants. Try and include her in conversations where possible.

• it's extremely unlikely that she will starve herself to death without Mr Tumble. She will eat what she needs. Offer 3 good meals and two snacks, let her eat what she wants and clear the rest away. No drama, no bribes, no praise. Try and eat together where possible.

• carry on with what you're doing, say no and mean it and then distract with something else or if that's not possible just let her work through the crying, be close by and sympathetic.

• go with what she likes. Go to a gym class. Go to softplay. Go to the park. Make a playground at home from sofa cushions etc. Blow bubbles for her to chase. Get some balls to throw/kick/chase. If you have space a small trampoline can be good. Go for walks. Maybe try a scooter if she has good coordination. Give her a bowl of water and a paintbrush/cloth and let her paint the fences/floor or 'clean'. Make an assault course. Put music on and dance around. It will always be easier if you observe what she likes and lean into it rather than thinking about what she should be doing and trying to get her to go that.

A lot of it could be teething pain, leading to over tiredness. I'd try a bit of anbesol on the molars.

Oh it's a joy isn't it! Some of this is about control and choiceX they're just starting to realise they are independent and then can't communicate needs or wants properly so the frustration is huge.
Try giving as much choice/control where you can (usually two options is plenty) do you want to wear the blue top or the green top, do you want carrot or cucumber etc. with things like phones, absolutely a firm boundary is needed but then offer a choice of alternative options - no you can't play with my phone, shall we look at this jigsaw together or shall we read together etc.
not an instant result and you'll still get the screaming but repeating and letting them see they have options really helped with some of this for us. It's exhausting!

My son is 20 months, and this is where we were at 17 months. It was so difficult, and in some ways, it still is.

We got rid of the tablet during food and he eventually got over it. He's still pickier than he used to be, but I think he's just pushing his luck to get toast (apparently the best food in the world).

We are firm with discipline. If DS shouts or whinges, we say "we can't understand when you're shouting/whinging. Use your words". If it continues, we blatantly ignore the behaviour and move away if necessary.

Good luck

Congrats, you have a toddler! 18 months - 4 was tricky with all mine and then all good! First year a breeze with all mine too. The toddler stage was so, ao difficult but maybe I am just not a toddler person.. it will get easier but yes 18 months was a big shock...

A lot of that sounds like teething to me. Has she got molars coming through?

Also I'd highly recommend the Division of Responsibility approach to food. Takes all the stress away.