I have a SS who’s 12 and lives with us full-time. I’m looking for any advice I can pass on, as I’m not his natural parent and know it’s not my place to enforce things.
He has (diagnosed) ASD and attends mainstream school. He doesn’t have any academic support at school and there are no issues with school attendance.
The issue we’re having is with homework. Since Covid, lots of homework has migrated online and we have access to the assignments his teachers post. When questioned on what he has done, he says he did it during class, or has already completed it and handed it in.
He can never produce any evidence. I think the last time he did any kind of homework was before Christmas.
I don’t believe for one second that teachers are finding time within their class to let them do homework. Furthermore, he has never been seen doing it at home, so the idea that he has already done it and handed it in is nonsense.
We spoke with him tonight after I raised the issue with my OH. Basically, he says he doesn’t care about homework and will not do it. He doesn’t care if he fails exams or doesn’t get a job in the future. He has no ambition, no dreams of going to Uni, travelling, learning to drive.
I try to be careful about interfering, but I’m worried about his future if this keeps up. Not only academically, but also his future abilities to face general life situations simply because he doesn’t like them or can’t be bothered. I’m not sure what his performance is like in school lately but no concerns have been raised to us by staff.
He’s currently going though some class tests which are used to determine whether kids end up in the top/middle/low classes. These began last week and I casually asked if he wanted help to study. I got a flat out no.
After school, he spends his time online - Xbox, Nintendo, YouTube. He breaks for dinner (10 minutes) and remains back online until bedtime. The weekends are the same. He can spend 11 hours per day at the weekend online. He receives weekly pocket money and has no “jobs” to do for it.
I think he’d genuinely be fine to drop out of school at the earliest opportunity and spend his life playing computer games with us tending to his every need.
Personally, I highly disagree with the game time and if he was my child I would make sure he had no access to any fun things like Xbox until he started taking his schoolwork seriously. I think he has zero incentive to do any work because there are no consequences.
My OH feels that this may be just the way he is, and that he can’t be forced to do it if he doesn’t want to.
I absolutely refuse to engage in any conflict with my OH about this but I’d love to hear any ideas/approaches/suggestions that I could pass on for consideration.
For the record, both adults in the house are degree-educated and have professional jobs. We enjoy luxuries and always make it clear that we’re able to have these because we work hard.
Thanks in advance!