Kid Only Likes One of My Dogs

[KindOfMum]

So, my partner and I have been together going on a year, and decided to get a puppy. I’ve grown up with dogs, and already have one. The introduction between the two dogs went brilliantly, they get on beautifully.
But my partners daughter, is a different case. She has always been hot and cold with my own dog, but never really that fussed about him, and he’s very people orientated, loves a cuddle and to sit with you. She won’t have it from him at all.
Anyway, in comes the new puppy a MUCH bigger dog already, and he’s only 3 months old. She won’t leave him alone. It’s causing issues between the two dogs when she’s around. My older boy can’t understand why she ignores him, and pushes him away, but wants to cuddle, play with, and give her undivided attention to the new boy.
She’s 12, and we have both told her that she has to treat them the same, but she seems to be ignoring us.
Any advice on how to proceed with this?

What is your relationship like with her? Could it be her way of keeping you at arms length?

YABU I'm afraid. You can't order her to like an animal if she doesn't, and you can't expect her to perform affection she doesn't feel, just to make your dog feel better!

I fear your dog will have to suck it up.

She probably feels the puppy is more her dad’s dog than the older dog.
Also puppies are much more exciting for kids

@MiddleClassProblem tbh she only seems to like me for the things that come with me. I.e. my house, my possessions (like the tv and games consoles etc), like she’s only interested in the “luxuries” that come with me. Me as a person, she isn’t entirely fussed, but then again, she’s a private child, prefers to spend time on her own, isn’t hugely communicative. But that seems to be with everyone, even her aunts and such

She can have different interactions with different dogs. Be careful of projecting human emotions onto a dog just because you don't like her behaviour.
Just make sure the dogs are well trained abd she is being safe & responsible.

@sadpapercourtesan not at all, wouldn’t want her to be forced to engage with anyone she doesn’t want to. But simply put, she shouldn’t be engaging with the pup to that extent then. If we brought our own child in, would she be pleased if the new addition got all the attention and we pushed her out? Not at all. And I know pets and children aren’t the same, but if we’re a family, we need mutual respect and expectations.

It’s a dog, you’re being ridiculous.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis absolutely, but no interaction with one, and intense interaction with the other is going to make one dog feel excluded from the pack

I don't really think this is a big deal? My DD loves our cat more than our dog, so our cat gets all her attention and the dog gets far less. But the dog also has us to give her attention so it all balances out. Not everyone needs to spend the same amount of time on every creature in the house.

Pack theory isn't applicable to domestic dogs btw.

We are a family with two adults two teenagers and four dogs, afraid to say we all have our favourites and our youngest dog 100% gets more fuss from the teens than our old dog, so I make up the fuss! And try to even it out.

But I really wouldn't worry too much.

This is such a weird way of thinking. You can't make her like your old dog. Both you and the dog will have to deal with it.

We need a photo

but if we’re a family, we need mutual respect and expectations.

Does she know she’s in a family? It sounds as if her dad has moved into your house and you’re together less than a year. Is she with you all the time?

This is a very odd way of looking at things. I understand you feel rejected on behalf of your older dog and perhaps that's to do with how your relationship is with your partner's daughter currently, but it's inevitable she will more be excited about a new puppy. You can't force a relationship, whether that's with your dog or with you. You need to let her be and stop being full on about 'family rules'. You are not a family yet, you've been with your partner only a year, these things take a lot longer. Your attitude towards the daughter doesn't sound very genuine tbh - it's like you're expecting some version of reality that you find pleasing rather than accepting that for her, you're relatively new on the scene and not her parent, and she may or may not be happy about that. So don't criticise her for enjoying things like a games console when she's just adjusting to a situation she's had no choice over.

This is weird. You’re worried about the dogs feelings being hurt?

@kindofmum I disagree.
They just see a person who doesn't interact.
You can make sure your dog is content & secure. Your partner's DD doesn't need to have any interaction. The dog will cope just fine.

Going against the grain here but I think it’s 100% reasonable to teach a child that they need to treat both dogs fairly. It’s a good lesson on empathy if nothing else.

Really it needs to be her dad who tackles this. It doesn’t need to be a huge issue, just gentle pulling up by saying something like “x dog feels sad when the puppy gets all the attention. Can you give him a stroke too?”

In the meantime, give your old dog some extra fuss from me.

Why should she treat both dogs the same? They are not the same. They are not her children.

Dogs are not humans. They don't have the same emotions as us. However much some of us like to believe in it.
Your dog is yours, all he needs is your company, affection and care. His main attachment is with you. Everyone else is 2nd best.
The puppy isn't really attached to anyone at this stage, so why not let your SDD play with it and form a bond?
I would nurture this by showing her how to teach the puppy some basic tricks, using your own dog to demonstrate. It will be fun all round and gives you something to share with SDD. It's a winner all round!

She’s 12, and we have both told her that she has to treat them the same, but she seems to be ignoring us.

But why does she have to treat them both the same?
She has every right to have nothing to do with a dog she doesn't like.
It's your dog, not hers.

[quote KindOfMum]@sadpapercourtesan not at all, wouldn’t want her to be forced to engage with anyone she doesn’t want to. But simply put, she shouldn’t be engaging with the pup to that extent then. If we brought our own child in, would she be pleased if the new addition got all the attention and we pushed her out? Not at all. And I know pets and children aren’t the same, but if we’re a family, we need mutual respect and expectations.[/quote]
You seriously want to tell her she can't make a fuss of the puppy unless she feigns interest in your dog?

You're conflating favouritising one child over the other with her not liking your dog?

You are completely and utterly barking. Pun intended.

I have two boys and two dogs. One is old now and the other much younger. Both of the boys prefer to play with the younger dog as he is more playful and therefore more fun to them. It would never cross my mind to tell them that they couldn't do this if they didn't spend equal time with the older dog. The older one gets her attention from us and is perfectly happy. Dogs don't think like we do and a previous poster is right, pack theory doesn't apply to domestic dogs. I'm sure your dog will be just fine.

She knows you don't like her, by the way. So why should she like you, or your dog?

I think you are looking for things to blame on this kid. I've got three cats 2 of which follow me around like shadows the 3rd of which is permanently attached to my youngest child, they don't give fetch who gives them a fuss. And as for only liking you for what comes with you, the poor kids probably scared to breathe in the wrong direction. Chill out please.