Grandparents

[Boromir]

I'm looking for advice on how to explain to my 4 year old son that his grandparents aren't gonna bother to see him any more.

Its a long story so I'll try to keep it brief.

My partner has always had a rocky relationship with her parents. Mostly her mother, and the father just follows his wife's orders.

My partner asked to meet up with her mum, to sit down and properly talk through some of their issues. When she arrived she was immediately met with hostility. Her mum said she wouldn't talk through anything she had to say. So basically just wanted it all brushed under the carpet and to pretend everything was fine. When my partner refused, she was basically given an ultimatum. She was told that if she wasn't willing to have a relationship with her mum under those terms, then her mum wouldn't see our son any more. As this would "confuse him" which is clearly just emotional blackmail. She went on to say that my partners father agrees with everything she says. (Because he's a wimp)

If you're reading this, I know you're probably thinking my son is better off without them. I agree. I think they're the worst sort of people imaginable. For reasons I won't say here.

But my son really misses them, he asks when he can see them all the time and I don't know how to explain things to him. He's very sensitive and gets upset when I don't answer him.

Any advice would be very much appreciated :)

Having been through something a bit similar I just explained that sometimes grown ups fall out with each other (I gave examples of fallings out dc had at school/nursery) and its really sad because sometimes that means that it's difficult to see the kids too. It doesn't mean that DGP are bad people at all, it just means that nobody wants to argue again because its not nice to hear, then I focused on other positive people/things we were going to do.

Its tricky but age appropriate honesty is the way to go, and asking after my Mother didn't last long. I would absolutely keep her at bay though, she sounds manipulative and very toxic.

Can you just tell him they're busy right now? If he's sensitive he'll get upset by you saying there's been a falling out and if they make up and you've said anything negative he's likely to repeat it and that could cause more problems.

I've tried that, this isn't just a falling out though. They have been like this for 4 years. And my partner has finally had enough and wants nothing to do with them. I fully support her making this difficult decision. As I see the effect their behaviour has on her

"We can't see them today sweetie.........oh look is that a butterfly?"

They forget really fast