Big banana advice

[DaddyTee]

No, the subject is not a pun!

My wife and I had a bit of an argument over our son this morning because for breakfast he asked for a banana and a cereal bar (belvita chocolate bake - see image). Now, I regularly say to them that they eat their fruit before their cereal bar but forgot this morning. Our son of 7 years this morning decided to eat 2/3 of his banana (similar size is shown in the picture) and then eat all of his breakfast bar and then said he was too full for his banana. My wife and I have fallen out because I said to him to eat the rest of his banana and she thinks the banana was a big banana and he has eaten enough. My argument is that if he had room to eat the "chocolate" cereal bar, he should have room to eat the banana. Also, I know for a fact, if you said to him do you want these Haribo sweets he'd find room for them.

My wife and I often fall out over his eating because he'll never be too full to eat his sweets and chocolate, but not eat all his meal because he is "too full", my wife will then say "you've eaten a good amount" and then he will eat a cornetto ice-cream (they have ice-cream every night after tea). He doesn't do this every time but it is often enough for us to fall out over it.

To be clear, if he didn't eat all of his cereal bar and said he was too full, I would not have asked him to finish it, it is mostly sugar and chocolate and would not ever ask them to finish anything like that.

Do you think I am being too forceful or do you think I am doing the right thing please?

Mate, I’m 37 and could eat a healthy meal to be full and still have space for some haribo tangfastics.

I have apologised to my wife and I will be apologising to my son tonight. I hear your arguments and they are good ones. She has also clarified that since we last had an argument about ice-cream and sweets in the evening she has now been giving them a choice - ice-cream or sweets, not both now. I was not aware of this (I don't finish work until after they have finished their tea most days) so I apologise also for that mis-information.

We have agreed to discuss alternatives for the chocolate cereal bar for breakfast as I agree it isn't a healthy part of their breakfast, and accept my mistake in giving it to them at the same time (not a clever idea).

Thank you all for your advice and opinions.

@MonkeyPuddle

Mate, I’m 37 and could eat a healthy meal to be full and still have space for some haribo tangfastics.

Bananas are full of sugar too! Give him toast.

Don't force your child to eat if they say they are full. I have ARFID so I have had significant issues around food most of my life (nothing my parents did just one of those things!) But one that that never helped was people commenting on what I did or didn't eat. In fact, it sometimes put me off foods I would have eaten.

As an adult are you saying you've never adjusted how much dinner you've eaten to save room for dessert? That's a healthy relationship to food, not eating to the point of being sick - because even if kids are full they don't tend to want to miss out on dessert or something they really like - it's simple, if you don't want them to eat it don't offer it (like the haribo example - it's a moot point because you're not going to offer it!)

I probably wouldn't eat a banana that size to myself, and those breakfast bars are filling too. I don't think I could eat that much first thing in the morning.

The issue here seems to be what is offered rather than how much. I offer fruit/yoghurts as a dessert for my toddler, as she gets older I'll probably introduce some ice cream but it'll probably be plain vanilla with some fruit. Maybe small adjustments to their existing diet will make you feel better about what they choose or don't choose to eat.

For what it's worth I barely ate as a kid and the only fruit I'd touch were strawberries and the only veg carrots. I now love vegetables and eat a wide variety of things.

I also read that fruit can be tricky for kids to like as a chocolate biscuit typically tastes the same every time but fruit can be different tastes/textures each time. Just something to bear in mind - I know I can't stand a banana that's too mushy.

You are the adult, work it out 🧐

Just coming back on the sweets thing, I am guilty of saying 'if you were full you wouldn't want pudding' when I'm frustrated but it's not true is it. I know as an adult I don't eat treat food to stave off hunger, it is for pleasure, and I can easily eat through feeling full for the wrong foods.

My wife has read this post and has taken objection, understandably to this statement:

"I wouldn't choose to offer him these cereal bars, my wife buys them and offers it to them because she knows they like them."

She has argued that if I'd have said I don't like them having these bars, she'd have discussed not buying them. I understand this, I'm saying something here that I didn't express to her so how would she know? Which is absolutely true and I have and do apologise to her for that. But actually, I'd like to retract this and re-iterate something I said earlier because it actually is more true; I don't mind them having cereal bars as long as they eat their fruit first.

I would also like to express for clarity and to clear any assertions, inferred or otherwise, that my wife does provide a healthy and balanced dinner and evening meal and I agree that I have stepped over the line expecting our middle child to eat that size of banana and a cereal bar.

I unfortunately have a very black and white attitude to life, I struggle with grey areas and my wife says that on the whole he does eat very healthily, I focus too much on the occasional times when he doesn't eat every single bit of good food. I agree with her but still struggle not to. If anyone does have any advice about this, maybe I should create a new post about this and see what everyone's thoughts are!

I do like what @DropYourSword said, and I think it will help me in future:

"You get to say what he gets to eat.
He gets to decide how much."

I think this will help me focus more on what he eats (in partnership with my wife) which is not directly with him as how much he eats is directly with him and obviously directly affecting him (something I'd like to avoid).

But to be clear (and apologies for waffling on), I don't feel like I have any objection overall to his diet, and am in agreement with my wife over our children's diet overall. My objection this morning was about him eating the healthy food over the (comparatively) unhealthier food. This was not supposed to question his overall diet, though I understand I have explicitly made it sound like it is unhealthy when it is not and again I apologise for that.

It's ok, OP, you're not on trial at the Hague

I focus too much on the occasional times when he doesn't eat every single bit of good food. I agree with her but still struggle not to. If anyone does have any advice about this, maybe I should create a new post about this and see what everyone's thoughts are!

I don't think you need any advice here! Take this whole thread - you explained what your issue was and then have really listened and reflected upon the replies you've received. You've communicated with your wife. Youve cleared up miscommunication or misunderstanding with her. You've come up with some solutions going forward. You're adopting a new philosophy about your sons eating. I think you're doing great!

We don't always get everything right. And we do sometimes focus on the things that on reflection we probably shouldn't. But you're doing the right things to address that.