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Original poster

Should I just leave it for now? Another 3 yr old DS still in nappies...

28 replies

Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 15:15

DS1 was 3 just before Xmas and is showing lots of signs of being ready to potty train -knows when he is doing a wee/poo and disappears off soemwhere private when he does a poo. But he's not keen on the potty or the loo/trainer seat.
He asked for pants a while ago and we bought him some and used them a few times but I couldn't deal with mopping up huge puddles of wee every 20 mins (he drinks a lot). DS2 is 7 months and not an easy baby so felt timing wasnt great.
Today I asked him if he wanted to wear pants and he said yes, but so far we have had about 4 or 5 wees on the floor and none in the potty even though he has sat on it.
He has gone shopping with DH who put a nappy on him.
What would you do? Any advice/sympathy most welcome....

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coby · 28/12/2007 17:41

Bless his cottons, sounds to me like he's not quite ready - although I think you are the best jusge of that tbh.

My DD wasn't keen on the potty or loo seat until we got a padded loo seat with handles. It made her feel more comfy and safe so she sat on the loo for longer and we had far better results. btw, she potty trained at 3.2 (I think) despite showing all the signs you describe your DS has much earlier than that.

I'm not a big believer in pushing things like this as I think it just makes the whole thing too stressful. I'm sure that come the warmer weather you'll have things sorted as he sounds pretty keen. It's much easier to just let them run around naked in the garden with a potty nearby. Of course, next week he might crack it all by himself, it was very sudden with my DD.

hth

mulledwinestein · 28/12/2007 17:44

Wait til spring. I would say keep going with it as they only learn by their mistakes IME, but if your DS2 is difficult atm you could probably do with a breather and wait for the warmer weather

pinkteddy · 28/12/2007 17:49

I think you need at least a couple of successes in the potty the first day you try otherwise they are not ready. Just put him back in nappies and try again in a month or so. Also once you start my advice would be don't keep putting him back in nappies (apart from bedtime) as its confusing - just go for it! Take potty with you at all times - better still stay in for the first couple of days!

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gegs73 · 28/12/2007 17:50

If you really want him to be dry/clean I would go for it. Stick to it, keep him in pants and expect accidents until he cracks it.

If you are more laid back then maybe try again in the summer when he could do it quicker as he is older and your baby will be older so hopefully the whole situation will be less stressful for you.

With DS1 I had a nightmare with the whole potty training business. I started just before he was 3, it was my 3rd attempt and each time he just wasn't interested and I kept putting it off. The last time I really wanted to do it as he was likely to be starting a school nursery and I really didn't want him going in nappies. It was 5 weeks of HELL but we got there in the end. Also bear in mind that some children take a weekend to potty train, especialy girls from what I have seen. Other children don't and when you talk to other Mums about it, lots take a long time to be fully trained.

So, depending on how strong you are feeling, I would go with it and the accidents, as he could be exactly the same in the summer. He will get there in the end though, DS1 just walks off to the toilet by himself now

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 20:33

Thanks for all the advice.
Am in two minds, think he might be ready and just being bit lazy or maybe its just a tad too early.
He was late to crawl/walk/talk but once he got the hang of anything he would do it it with gusto!
When doing a huge wee on the hall floor earlier he did notice me clocking him and he just laughed - not sure if it was embarassment or a more knowing laugh.
Hard one to call.
DH thinks we should persist, I am more inclined to let it lie for a bit.
mmmmmm

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JingleyJen · 28/12/2007 20:37

I think your DS is old enough for you to let him be part of the decision.

Tomorrow morning ask him if he wants to wear a nappy or pants - point out to him that pants means going to the toilet and let him choose.

(Just a thought)

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 20:40

JinglyJen I did in fact ask him this very morning and he said he wanted to wear pants, but clearly that doesn't equate to using the potty/loo (for him anyway).......

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MrsFish · 28/12/2007 20:58

Hi there

I decided to start potty training ds last sunday as he seemed to be ready, he is 2 and a half, he had got to the stage of telling me he had done a poo, and on and off would say he wanted a wee but whenever I tried him on the potty he wouldn't go, he did one wee on the potty the previous wednesday though so I thought I would give it a go anyway seeing as I would have a clear 10 days over xmas to dedicate myself to it without nursery interruptions.

After three accidents including two poos in his pants I decided I didn't have the energy to do it as I had come down with a stinking cold and needed to do the xmas shop. I did start in ernest again on Xmas Eve though as I knew I didn't have to go out anywhere. We had two accidents and 5 wees on the potty, I was asking him to go every 20 mins and every half an hour would make him sit on it for a few minutes. On Xmas day we had one accident and one poo on the potty. On Boxing day, one accident which was my fault as I moved his potty and didn't tell him Yesterday was a totally dry day and he started telling me when he needed a wee and he went a mammoth ten times including a poo, I think he had the novelty factor, plus I have made him a chart and every time he goes on the potty we put a sticker on it for him and a bigger sticker for every poo. Today he has taken himself to the loo every time (that's where his potty is) So all well and good I think he has cracked it, I must say I am amazed he has taken to it so quick, I just need to try him on the toilet now.

The trick is to start when you can spend the time with them, don't take them out if you can help it until they have the hang of it. It needs constant attention, the first few days you need to second guess them. I have found that dressing them in easy to pull down trousers is good too, because if they do have an accident they really don;t like the feeling of wet trousers, plus they also help to soak up the wee so you don;t get as much on the floor just make sure you have plenty, I went to sainsburys and bought 4 pairs of cheap jogging bottoms and six pairs of pants to add to the 5 pairs I already had, eventually they will get fed up of being wet and getting changed all the time.

hth... good luck

madamez · 28/12/2007 21:03

My DS is 3.3 and still in nappies, have had a couple of attempts which have just involved lots of shat pants and distress on his part, so I am leaving it for the moment. Every now and again I ask him if he wants to wear pants and use a potty, and he says @No, no, so I'm leaving it for the moment. Mind you, might try again in the New Year as we are going to have a week or two of no playgroups or social events...

taffy101 · 28/12/2007 21:06

My dd had no interest in potty training till about 3 weeks after 3rd birthday - I'm not going to stress myself out trying with ds till he is three (unless he asks to), as I had a year of stress with dd. I tried reward chart with dd, think smarties motivated her in the end!!

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:06

ds will be 3 in january and I have tried a couple of times too with the same problems as you.
Started again today and he managed 3 wees on the potty and 3 accidents which is great because the other times he didnt manage the potty at all.

I know you all hate her but I have followed GF and she says if they dont manage at least one hit on the potty on the first day then theyre not ready.

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 21:18

I did read another poster saying that the GF book was good for potty training advice for older kids.
I don't like her generally but might take a look at the book, have nothing to lose after all...
Perhaps that is right about the one hit on the potty on day one, that is my instinct too (sadly).
Have even offered DS1 chocolate buttons (first time I have ever offered hime a bribe) but even this wasn't enough to get him doing anything on the potty

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Nemostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/12/2007 21:21

pannacotta..are you putting him straight into pants??

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 21:25

yes we have pants for him

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Nemostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/12/2007 21:26

try him bare bummed as ds always got confused when he put undies on and thought he had nappies on. Just tried dd1 bare bummed today and didnt do too badly. Then after a couple of days introduce the pants.

Sidge · 28/12/2007 21:29

I would wait until he knows he is about to wee, rather than him knowing he is doing/has done a wee.

Then when he announces an imminent wee you can direct him to the loo or potty. (If necessary have about half a dozen potties, one in every room!)

mosschops30 · 28/12/2007 21:34

am also using chocolate bribes here too

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 21:38

Good ideas re pants and also imminent wee thanks, he hasn't made it to that stage yet (announcing he needs a wee that is).
Am trying hard not to be too anxious about it all but it seems potty training is quite hard, not really like anything else I've ever done before!

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Sidge · 28/12/2007 21:43

If he doesn't know he is about to wee I would really hold off then. IMO you are making life so much harder for yourself by trying to toilet "time" than toilet train - life is hard enough I bet . (Saves you a fortune in carpet cleaner as well!)

Relax, wait until he knows he is needing to go, and I bet he will crack it in days

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 21:55

Thanks Sidge, not sure if I am being bit thick here, but is he really likely to tell me he needs a wee while he is still wearing nappies? On the basis that he can do a wee in his nappy and no one knows and he doesnt need to get to the potty/loo in time.
Does this "wee anticipation/communication" not happen after abandoning nappies?

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hunkermunker · 28/12/2007 22:00

DS1 was 3.6yo when he decided he'd use the potty/loo.

He was so distressed by the thought before this, I couldn't make him.

So I left him to it and he decided he'd do it and did - no accidents (except one tiny dribble of wee the second day and two incidents where he's weed on his trousers as they were in the potty!).

I'm a big fan of not scraping out cacky pants or mopping up puddles of wee. It sounds like your DS is similar to mine in that he took a while to walk, etc, but once he can do something, he does it very well immediately.

hunkermunker · 28/12/2007 22:01

Oh, and second the advice about not putting anything on him, even pants, to start with.

And I did put a pull-up on DS1 when he was likely to fall asleep in the car for the first week or so, but now he doesn't wee at all in the daytime, whether he's asleep or not, so that's fine.

Original poster
Pannacotta · 28/12/2007 22:08

Thanks Hunker that is very reassuring. Cannot face the thought of mopping floors and cleaning up his "cacky pants" for weeks on end (nicely put btw)!

Bit of time pressure from nursery and playgroup (he goes to both), otherwise I don't think it would have occured to me to do anything about it yet, since he likes to do things at his own pace and cannot stand being told what to do - bit like his mother then

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hunkermunker · 28/12/2007 22:11

Are they Ofsted registered places? They cannot fuss that he's in nappies if they are - it's discrimatory.

That said, DS1 only pooed at preschool once he was out of nappies.

His preschool deregistered whilst he was there (no problem with the preschool, the level 3 leader left), and they still change nappies. It's in a church hall too, so no proper "facility" as such, as in a proper nursery, but they still did it, without a murmur. Because they're there to look after children and provide for their needs.

Sidge · 28/12/2007 22:23

Yes he may well tell you when he needs a wee, even if he has a nappy on (in the day anyway, I wouldn't expect it at night yet).

It might not be very consistent at first, but sooner or later he will probably get that he doesn't have to wear nappies.

We did it this way with DD1 (I'm far too lazy to wash loads of sheets/clothes/carpets ) and as far as I remember once she knew she was needing a wee she was out of nappies within days, with virtually no accidents.