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Parenting

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Original poster

Parenting - feel like a failure today

28 replies

challis34 · 21/01/2022 18:28

It's freezing, grey and miserable here today. I took my son, who is 21 months, to the park this morning, we had a quick go on the swings then came home. He had his lunchtime nap, then he had a long bath and he has been watching TV for the last 2 (yes 2!!) hours. I'm exhausted as have been ill recently, needed a break and hate going out in the cold.

But I feel so guilty at how little we've done today.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OldKingCole · 21/01/2022 18:36

It’s only one day in thousands you will be responsible for him. Cut yourself some slack. You’ve just been I’ll for gods sake. You are only human and I’m sure you are doing great xx

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 21/01/2022 18:43

You did plenty, just because it wasn't alot to you doesn't mean it wasn't a lot to your DC. Your DC will be processing alot of experiences out of today, the temperature, different bird calls, proprioception from the swing etc. Things we don't even think about.

Oh and by the time he is 12 hell be doing alot more than 2hours in front of the TV.

Original poster

challis34 · 21/01/2022 18:49

Oh, and I forgot to mention he spent half an hour scrolling through photos on my phone too. I feel so guilty.

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Sexnotgender · 21/01/2022 18:50

Be kind to yourself!! Nothing wrong with a chill day.

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 18:55

This is exactly what we've done today.
4 days at nursery and work, we both needed a chill day.
Tomorrow is a new day, we're planning on swimming.
Get yourselves out but remember everyone needs a down day, children included.
It does no harm.

mynameiscalypso · 21/01/2022 18:55

That sounds like a very average day for us! No guilt here, DS is happy!

Original poster

challis34 · 21/01/2022 18:56

There’s nothing wrong with a chill day, but I know he’s having far too much screen time - and it’s my fault for being lazy

OP posts:

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 21/01/2022 19:49

OK, so what could you do in future that keeps him busy enough to let you rest?

Look on Pinterest for toddler busy bags that you can keep at hand and rotate that will keep him engaged.

If he likes the lights of a TV what about a sensory tent and those light up balls or ceiling projectors. A space foil blanket that reflects light.

Make a treasure basket that is safe for him to explore without you supervising very closely.

DDs favourite thing when she was little was an upturned plastic colander and giant pipe cleaners that she would stick in the holes.

Lengths of spaghetti and cheerios to thread on top, it won't matter if he eats either part.

Lots of balled up socks and a saucepan or something for him to throw them into.

Freeze medium sizeplastic toys in ice (bath ducks etc) , then put that on a plastic tray, table cover or shower curtain on the floor. They often like the feel of the cold and bite on it if teething.

Playing audio books (can get free on the Libby app or direct from the library) to give you both some company as the day at home can be long.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/01/2022 19:51

God get a grip- my LO was in all day, because so bitterly bloody cold I couldn’t face it. We’ll be out and about tomorrow- relax. Parenting is too long to stress about every hour like this.

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 20:23

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

God get a grip- my LO was in all day, because so bitterly bloody cold I couldn’t face it. We’ll be out and about tomorrow- relax. Parenting is too long to stress about every hour like this.

Abit uncalled for mind

Original poster

challis34 · 21/01/2022 20:30

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime thanks for the great ideas. I will give some of them a try but honestly, DS loses interest in things so quickly. He’d probably spend a minute on each of those activities and then be back to wanting screen time again! Is that normal for a child his age or does he have an especially short attention span? Nothing seems to engage him for very long at all except the screen!

OP posts:

GrapefruitPink · 21/01/2022 20:32

Is that normal for a child his age or does he have an especially short attention span?

Yes I found so, 2 was when he really started sitting and playing for awhile

Original poster

challis34 · 21/01/2022 20:35

Thanks. I just worry that the screen time could ruin his capacity to develop his imagination and play.

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AliceW89 · 21/01/2022 20:36

It’s completely normal for them to have very short attention spans. My DS is the same age and a couple of minutes on one activity is very average.

You are responsible for his screen time though. I personally don’t think your day sounds bad at all especially if you are poorly, but if you are worried about screen time, say no and do a different activity. I don’t mean that to sound harsh, but he’s not an age to have any self control - you have to set the boundaries.

leavingthispoohole · 21/01/2022 20:39

Sounds like a normal day for us....even the 2 hours watching tv

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 21/01/2022 20:39

Totally normal, childrens TV is designed to capture their attention.
We used to do toddler group in the morning (during the time of sure start centres when there were lots), home for lunch, pop to the supermarket or the library for a change of scenery or similar for a bit and then home. We would have a cup of tea (milk for Dd) and read a couple of picture books then I'd put Barney on. DD would watch it and I'd get to have a 40 minute nap. I was/am an only parent and needed a nap by that time. DD would watch TV all day if she was allowed, turns out that that transfered to her being a great audience member at the cinema and theatre from a young age which is something we both enjoy now she is a preteen.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 21/01/2022 20:42

In terms of attention spans a child's attention span is roughly double their age +2 in minutes, so focusing on one activity for a few minutes is totally normal.

singlenamestar · 21/01/2022 20:47

Are you the same poster who was worried about baby having crisps while drying her hair?

Original poster

challis34 · 21/01/2022 20:54

@singlenamestar errr, no?

OP posts:

singlenamestar · 21/01/2022 20:55

Sorry there was another poster worried about being lazy and a bad parent
You are doing fine honey I am sure
Don't bear yourself up

shouldistop · 21/01/2022 21:11

When ds1 was 16 months I broke my ankle and couldn't take him out by myself for 4 months. Think about how much tv he watched
Then during the first lockdown he was 3yr9mo and dh and I were wfh...
Second lockdown i had a newborn to contend with.

What I'm saying is, it did him no harm at all. He's a confident, bright 5yo who is doing well at school, has plenty of friends and is very physically active.

Turn it around to your sons point of view.

'My mummy took me to the park this morning - I love the swings there! Then I went home and had a nice long nap. After that lots of fun playing in the bath, splashing water is sooo much fun. Then I got to watch lots of funny cartoons snuggled up on the couch with my favourite person in the whole world. I wish every day was like today!'

Arewethebadguys · 21/01/2022 21:12

I used to worry like this. Then I had 2 under 2 and it's daily survival at best. He'll be all the better for having a snuggle day with you!

shouldistop · 21/01/2022 21:13

I find they start playing by themselves imaginatively around 3, it's much easier then.

BookGinnyisbetter · 21/01/2022 21:20

Yep that one day of screen time has scrambled his brain. Just throw this kid away and try again with the next one

beanbaghashtag · 21/01/2022 21:26

Mine had probably about 4 hours screen time today, she's just turned 2. It was in two chunks. I do feel guilty, but we did other things like Playdoh and read some books. She didn't like being out as it was extremely cold even in snow gear.

Honestly some kids watch tv all day long. I've been surprised by some friends who even when I've been over for play dates coffee with the kids don't turn the kids tv off. So my child then watched 2 hours of tv at someone else's house 😅

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