What’s your 22 month old like? Worried mum

[Forestmumma]

Hi everyone, I would love to have some advice on my LO. He is 22 months old and I’m really not sure where he is developmentally and if I should be concerned. Name changed as I’m going to be quite specific and have family on here.

I took him to a stay and play session at the church hall last week and he just didn’t seem interested at all. There were toys everywhere and he just wanted to sit beside me, didn’t want to engage with any toys or activities. He is very wary of other children and often gets upset if they approach or talk to him. He would briefly play if I came with him to an activity but the moment I tried to step away he would scream and stop what he was doing. He is like this at every activity we do really. He is happiest when we are somewhere like the park but it’s empty and he can play without other children, but even then he wants me to come down the slide, follow him round every step of the way. I don’t mind doing this but I notice that none of the other children seem to be the same except the really little babies - their mums are happy chatting while I’m having to lead him round.

He is very clingy in general. I can’t go to the toilet on my own at home or cook dinner without holding him. He doesn’t want my partner at bedtime, Only ever me. We still cosleep and I can’t see him ever sleeping in another room! He is hard to put to sleep and will scream and cry even as I am holding and rocking him. He still wakes a lot at night and is very distressed if he wakes and I’m not there

He seems very sensitive in general - he gets very upset if things are done ‘wrong’ and will flap his hands and get agitated. He hates to be dirty, and will not so messy play or looks to me for assurance every 2 minutes. He gets very upset if his nappy is dirty. He is sensitive to noise and seems to shut down in busy scenarios. We don’t really go to any groups or busy places often as he seems distressed by it. He is happiest being worn in the wrap out and about or in the pushchair, he doesn’t seem to have any interest in getting out and walking. If a child does approach when we’re out or having a play date he gets very upset if they don’t play “correctly” he will shout, try and tell me by pointing/flapping his hands. He doesn’t like to share toys and gets very upset, even if they are not his toys. He says no no no over and over. He will push and get aggressive with other children too, but I don’t know if this is a fear reaction.

He is a fussy eater too. He will eat but doesn’t seem to like any food that is different to his normal meals. He will hand me things he doesn’t want from his plate. Sometimes if he eats something he doesn’t like he will try to wipe it out of his mouth with a napkin. If he has a bite of something he doesn’t like he then won’t touch the rest of the food on the plate even if it’s different

His communication seemed to be behind but he is catching up now and has been talking more lately. He has a dummy and would have it in constantly if we had let him. I wanted to get rid at 12 months but it would have been a nightmare. He doesn’t talk in sentences but single words and usually repeats the same one over and over “Dad Dad dad” “no no no”. He tries to name lots of different things. He can’t kick a ball or isn’t really interested in trying. He finds a lot of the toys for his age too advanced and gets frustrated as he can’t do them. He’s never really liked playing. He has a toy kitchen and does a lot of imaginative play with that with a lot of encouragement.

He is funny, and very sweet, caring and cuddly. He is a happy little boy with loads of confidence at home, though very clingy, but seems very stressed out in the world! I am supposed to be returning to work at some point but I can’t really as I just don’t think he would tolerate a childminder.

We are a very outdoorsy family and I would love to do more walks and go to the beach, but everything seems to be an issue - cries about the water coming in, cries about touching the pebbles/sand, cries if there is a bird near him. He has moments where he does seem to have fun and gape in amazement but then something else seems to upset him.

Is this normal behaviour at this age and I’m massively overanalysing it? Or am I right to be worried? I love him so much but he just seems very delicate and I feel mean taking him to these ‘fun’ activities that he just seems to hate :( I would love to hear what other children of this age are doing or were doing at this age

He sounds very much like my son who was diagnosed with autism at 2.5. I would look for an assessment for him.

Aww bless him. It could be that he’s just a bit sensitive, timid and shy but I would definitely have a word with his health visitor or doctor in case there’s something else at play. Good luck.

Speak to the health visitor as the hand flapping could be stimming (my little boy does it, suspected Autism). Don't let this panic you, no matter what the outcome they will still be your lovely DS.

My DD was like this from 18 months to about 3 years old. She hated being messy or dirty, loud or crowded, things had to be just right and her eating was very limited. She was terrified of almost everything (grass, sand, water, trains, cars, roads etc) and very cautious so hates things like soft play. She is now 8.5 years old- she is still a sensitive soul, and is more indoorsy than the rest of the family, but she is doing really well at school, has some lovely friends and has recently taken up indoor rock climbing.

I'm not saying this to worry you in any way, but just as a comparator. My DS is same age as yours. When we go somewhere new or if there are lots of strange people/things he'll be shy at first and stay by my side for c. 10 mins - after this he's off playing. At the park I push him on the swing but he's very independent and likes to do everything else himself. He has sometimes pushed other children and isn't great at sharing toys and this is something we're working on. Generally though he likes other children and happily plays alongside them. He goes to nursery 3 days a week so this helps. He puts words together for example 'mummy, chair, here' (pointing where he wants me to sit) or 'daddy, catch, now' (when he's about to jump on DH. Trust your parent gut - always worth getting checked out if you have any concerns.

I think I’d trust your gut and seek some advice perhaps. Every child is different - and my own 23 month old sounds very different to what you describe. This could totally be because every child is different - but if it isn’t - and you have a gut feeling perhaps speak to a professional ?

Being picky about food and not sharing toys is developmentally appropriate for a 2 year old. However, I would talk if your HV about your other concerns. xx

I have the same age child. Some similarities - will be nervous initially at groups etc and can be fussy with food. I would recommend speaking to your Health Visitor or GP about your concerns though as there does seem to be some sensory issues there. Are there times when your son is happy and relaxed - what environment/situation would that be? It may be that some situations are just too overwhelming for him at the moment.

@becca3210

I have the same age child. Some similarities - will be nervous initially at groups etc and can be fussy with food. I would recommend speaking to your Health Visitor or GP about your concerns though as there does seem to be some sensory issues there. Are there times when your son is happy and relaxed - what environment/situation would that be? It may be that some situations are just too overwhelming for him at the moment.

This is where I struggle - DH thinks I am crazy, he’s a totally normal child, nothing wrong with him, as do his parents and my parents! They all say he’s clingy because I will carry him or take him with me instead of letting him cry. They basically say I fuss over him too much and that’s why he’s clingy and I need to just leave him be. He does seem to be different when I’m not around. I go to a weekly class and my in laws will have him. They always say he’s been fine and had a great time. So I’m not sure if I just overthinking it. I think DH hates the idea of something being “wrong”. He is dyslexic and when he went to school and think he felt it singled him out as he had extra/separate lessons sometimes.

There are definitely times when he’s happy - he loves being at home, following me around. He likes to pretend to clean with me sometimes. He seems happiest in familiar environments. He will hum and dance and is generally very happy at home as long as there’s no mess or change in the environment.

Our next door neighbour has a 6 month old and he likes to see “the baby”, will stroke her hair and be very loving. Outside of the house he is happiest in his buggy, with a snack, watching the world go by. I worry about this too as most toddlers his age I see hate the buggy and fight to go in. He will walk if I take him out but only briefly, and then will cry, refuse the buggy and want to be carried.

I think trust your gut and speak to a GP or Health visitor about your concerns.

My DD is also 22 months and she is very different to your DS but your description is similar to what she was like at around 17 months, she wouldn't leave my side to go play when other children were around. At 17 months she started going to a Childminder one day a week and I'll be honest that her confidence has come on leaps and bounds since then and she's now more than happy to charge off and play without me. The Childminder said she'd seen it a lot with similar aged children because the start of their lives were in lockdown and many of them didn't see other children for a long time. I think exposure to the same children every week has helped build my DDs confidence even with children she doesn't know.

My DDs nature is very calm and cautious and like your DS she likes imaginative play with her toy kitchen. When out and about she does like to walk but she is similarly okay with being in the buggy and watching the world go round, she's just now started to fight the sling in favour of walking or the buggy. If we're out walking she will want me to pick her up as soon as someone walks past but is happy to go back down as soon as they're gone.

My DD doesn't "mind" being dirty now, in that she will touch things like leaves, soil, paint, etc although she will always rub her hands together after and if it doesn't come off she will ask me to wipe her hands.

Language wise she's still mainly speaking 1 or 2 word sentences, which does lead to a lot of frustration on her part, but her language is improving every day at the minute.

I think if you're worried, definitely speak to your GP or Health visitor. It doesn't matter if there's nothing wrong because at least you'll have peace of mind that you mentioned it.

He sounds a lovely little boy. Mine was similar to the previous poster in that going to a childminder seems to be helping with confidence and socialisation. I couldn't imagine him coping with it as clingy when I am there but they can surprise us!

No advice but you sound like a wonderful mum you’re doing a great job xx

I've got a boy and a girl. 6 and 4 they are. My girl is the oldest. She reached her milestones first. Was a happy baby. Never cried. Chilled toddler. Ate well. Slept well as a baby and had a struggle as a toddler to settle in the evenings. She's very messy. Very anxious. Isn't confident at parties etc. She's only just improving with her social skills now and making friends. She's always been an amazing walker etc

My son. Took forever with potty training. Useless sleeper. Fearless. Happy go lucky. Talks to anyone. Kind. Hot headed. Hates the cold. Moans about walking.

They are very opposites. Children all vary!

Hi just wanted to know how is your son now mine son sounds similar to yours 22 months now

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