What's it like at home with a 1 or 2 year old?

[BabyQuestions]

I'm weighing up full or part time work until baby is 3. What's it like being home with a 1 or 2 year old? Is it difficult/expensive to entertain them? Can you get any housework done? What joys will I miss out on if I'm at work and baby is in nursery? What else do I need to know! Thank you.

I can’t recommend part time work enough. I get to spend time with DS, while do a job I love and that pays me quite well. I alternate between 3 days a week or 4 days a week at work, ie I have one or two days off a week. I have a 20 month old.

It depends on how you define difficult to entertain. Both him and I like being out of the house, so we are usually at a toddler group in the morning, then go out to the park/a cafe/a friends house or my inlaws in the afternoon. The time goes quickly, he rarely tantrums when he’s busy and he’s tired by bedtime. This probably sounds exhausting though if you like being inside all day! All toddlers are different though, some are happy to potter round the house all day.

It’s not at all expensive, he costs far less now then he did as a small baby.

He loves the 3 days he has at nursery. Is always chuffed when he arrives and sad to leave. Again, this would be different if he hated the place. Nursery however is expensive.

I get minimal housework done with him around. He likes to ‘help’ with a few chores (washing machine, sweeping, putting his clothes away) but most big jobs get left to the evening or weekends. He doesn’t like being on his own for more than a few minutes, but again, some toddlers are happy on their own for extended periods.

I have an 18 month old and am a stay at home mum.
Toddlers are all different.
Mine is chaos 😂
I find the balance between chores and entertaining her tough. Some days feels never ending and I get nothing done. Some days are a dream come true and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
I have lowered my expectations of myself where housework is concerned as she can’t be left without adult entertainment for more than a few mins. Good luck with your decision xx

I have an 18 month old and do find it difficult
Age, he is non stop climbing, can't take eyes 0f him. I can get more house work done now though than when he was baby. I find it quite boring though and can't wait for him to grow up.

I did this until ds was 2.5.

The great thing about it is that you can let them sleep in the morning if they need it, and be there when they are poorly: chicken pox, hand foot and mouth, coughs, rashes. I was so grateful that I didn’t need to ask anyone’s permission to just stay at home and help them get better.

You just live your day very slowly and simply. Going to work is easier, in my opinion, but staying at home with them avoids the stress of engaging with childcare.

Looking back, once out of the newborn stage to around 2 were lovely days. Then they turned 2, and holy shit it’s been hell until fairly recently, and they’re nearly 4.

If I could have worked part time (thanks covid for the job loss!) that would’ve been perfect. If I’m being honest, full time would’ve been better 😳

Personally having been unemployed for nearly 4 years now, I’d strongly recommend at least part time work to keep things going for you, as a person. Pension contributions, not being reliant upon a partner if you have one, gets you out of the house and talking about things unrelated to small children etc.

Being at home with an under 2 I found stressful but also really good fun. Everyday for them was an adventure, even going round the garden tuckered them out and they still napped. Housework got done when they napped or were playing, but my standards were so low by then it was quite easy to keep on top of

Part time is a great balance. It sounds like you don't have to work full time necessarily so personally would really regret sending DD to nursery full time so young and missing out on lots of things. I think it does depend a little on your child - DD is (mostly!) a delight and I love our days together. That's not to say some days don't drag etc but we always try to keep busy (especially as she's stopped napping now). So a play group (free or £1 or so) in the morning, park or library etc in the afternoon or toys at home. The baby and toddler years go so quick, you'll have plenty of time to work full time in the future if you wanted to do that.

Housework is much harder to do than when they are babies, but i can usually manage a few bits, and use naps for cooking and chores.

Its great fun, but can equally be frustrating.

I have a nearly 2 year old (21 months) and I work part time. I dont work wednesdays so that day is just my son and I and its great. We go to toddler gymnastics (structured soft play, where the group leaders says things like 'this week we're going to learn about balancing, and the toddlers just fling themselves everywhere), and for walks etc. Its great bonding time for just the 2 of us. Household chores take a backseat though. I think I appreciate it more because I go to work so dont get ALL my time with him. That said, works great for the break from home life and to keep my toe in etc etc etc.

My daughter is 20 months. We have great fun at home. It's not expensive to entertain her - we go to toddler groups which cost under £2 a week, and she likes to just play, read books, paint and draw, go to the park, messy play or playdoh at home.

Of course if you want to go to proper classes and swimming etc it would cost a fair bit - about £6 a session here.

She sleeps for about 2 hours in the middle of the day so that's when I get the majority of housework and cooking done, but I can do bits and pieces here and there while she is busy doing something.

It's lovely, you can see them learning things right in front of you constantly. There's not too much of that awful rushing and frantic need to leave the house at 8am business. Mine is/was a good napper so a nice 2 hrs+ in the afternoon to do bits and bobs. He plays nicely on his own if I'm in the same room. He loves to "help" clean, cook, diy etc.

It's monotonous in some ways but really lovely overall.

Part time is the way forward, I would have lost my mind with the mundaneness of being at home all week despite my children being lovely and me loving being a mum - a lot of time is monotonous and boring and trying to think of things to do when tired and dealing with crying and tantrums. And I love my children and am very energetic! Going into work part of the week gave me a break from that, a chance to socialise with non mummy friends and make me feel like me again. And at the end of the week happy to be back home with the children again with renewed energy and enthusiasm

I do a four day week, ideally if we could afford it I’d work 3 days and have 2 with DD.

I love our time together, weekends always feel rushed, there’s always people to see. Our Mondays are our mummy and DD days and I always try and balance them so we do:

• up at normal time so I can get a shower in before DH leaves for work
• out for a nice walk earlyish - it was a habit I got into on ML during lockdown when I realised my mental health suffered if we didn’t leave the house before lunch
• some sort of activity in the morning - soft play, toddler group, even just going for a coffee
• back home for her lunch and nap - lunch and a flop for me as well!
• afternoon is chores, but she gets involved too - tidying up, going to the post office etc

If we don’t have anything pressing in the afternoon I’ll take her to see my dad, who’s retired, or we’ll meet a friend for a coffee.

On the flip side it’s hard bloody work - much harder than being in the office, for me - and I don’t think I could do it full time, it’d be very lonely if I didn’t have £££ for classes (that said I don’t have tonnes of mum friends, if you do I imagine that helps!)

Personally I wouldn’t do a 5 day week if I’d had the option to not, but equally I don’t think I could full time mum. And she gets lots out of nursery. I think part time is a great option if you can do it.

I found 1-2 really trying - DC1 insisted on endless repetitive games and would not entertain herself for 5min. Dc2 was more self sufficient but was always climbing and falling, and/or destroying stuff, pulling all the books off the shelves and trying to bust the spines.... argh. I did work full time and would have skipped the weekends too if I could!

Just as a curveball, now dc1 is in school for the first time I wish I could work part time as she is fun to be around and learning so much. She is able to articulate that she wants me there and I can see that I can support her schoolwork and extra curriculars more if she is not in wrap around every day. Unfortunately part time isn't really an option in my role otherwise I would now be looking to work school hours for a few years. Never thought I would say that either, I'm very career focussed.

From my perspective now people have it wrong assuming the time to be home with the kids is toddler age. They might need you more, and you might enjoy them more, later on.

Agree. My teenage children enjoy me being home now when they return from school on my two days off, they chat to me about what has happened at school and I have time to make them a snack and hot chocolate. I’m also more chilled as have done all the jobs L in the day and had a chance to rest so have more energy. Still like my working days though for a change of scene

When DD was 1 and still napping, it was very easy. We did something active in the morning, then home for lunch and a big 3 hour break for mum!

She doesn't mind whether we do a park, splash in puddles, a soft play or a gymnastics class so you could do it without being expensive. Most places there are free activities at the library etc. It depends what you would enjoy most and could afford. If you get to know another mother with a similar age DC that can be nice - take turns to go to each other's house or meet at the park and have a chat while the kids play.

Since she turned 2 and stopped napping the days do seem a lot longer! There is no down time and she needs more entertainment. Her will is becoming stronger so lots of things are "no" and "do it myself" and
hit the deck tantrums.

If you decide to have another DC in that time then things obviously get even tougher.

But if you can afford to do it then it is a wonderful thing to spend more time with your little kids. I know my DC prefer being with me and no one can love them, look after them, teach them and be patient with them like their mother. I know them deeply and we have a great bond.

Part time is great, I've done 3 days since returning from mat leave and I highly recommend it. DD is now 2.5 and I'm planning to go up to 4 days shortly, mainly because work has gotten really busy and I'm a team of 1 and also we could use the cash.

It's a much nicer work/life balance, I don't feel overwhelmed with either and if I do have a bad day, I get a chance to do my other job the next day or 2 so it never feels like a long slog. I highly recommend having split days, so I do Tues, Weds & Fri...this means for illness etc we generally don't have too much loss of childcare cover needed, and there's been a lot of juggling that with all the nursery bugs/isolations etc.

3 days at work is enough to be useful and still included, especially over split days as you aren't out the loop too much. 3 days at nursery is also enough to great build bonds and get the benefit. Equally DD has never been good at napping at nursery so having down days with me where we can adjust to fit around her and no fixed schedule is ideal. I think she would have been an overtired nightmare FT tbh!

Our days at home don't cost more. We make use of things you can buy an annual pass for or park visits etc. We save on food as I get more chance to food prep and shop around on my days off. You get off peak prices for loads of stuff so instead of cramming things into the weekend you can do it on a weekday.

Thank you everyone, these are all really useful perspectives. I am still all ears if anyone else would like to comment.

It depends on your child to a large extent. Mine was determined to access the most dangerous party of any room from around 14 months to 2.5, so I really couldn't leave him (our house isn't open plan) for more than a minute. I couldn't do housework with him around, he would try to take apart the hoover (and scream if I took it off him), eat the cloth covered in anti-bac, or climb in the washing machine. He did nap well but I wanted to use his nap as a bit of me-time to read or garden, not clean.

He's now three and chilled out massively around 2.5. I still find it amazing I can open the back door without him rushing for the gap to escape. He hasn't climbed the bookcase in months. Doesn't launch himself off the back of the sofa anymore. Is basically happy to play with his toys or watch TV rather than find new and interesting ways to kill himself. I'd been at home with him every day on my own I would have lost my mind.

I work four days a week, he's in nursery and absolutely loves it. I have him on Fridays and we usually go out for a trip or see friends or family. I love that he learns so much at nursery and is with a huge variety of people who are trained in childcare. When he went back after lockdown his speech improved hugely in a couple of weeks, and he eats better at nursery than at home.

Probably not the done thing to say this, but honestly at 15 months - evenings and weekends is enough for me! I love my DD so much but god almighty, playing with/entertaining a 1 year old for extended periods is boring. I assume it gets better as they get older and able to engage in more activities/for slightly longer periods (I'm actually planning to drop to part time, if ever, for the pre-school/early primary school years so she doesn't have to be in after school club every day and we can spend more time together then)

@TulipsGarden you've just described my 2 year old and my days at home

He's always throwing himself off something or trying to figure out a way to break a leg/arm/head.

He's about to start nursery 2 days a week. I thought I might stay home with him til he was a bit older but the self harm has done me.

My city is currently mostly shut because of covid so it's been incredibly boring and frustrating. Prior we went to groups and gym and were out all the time. Being home has been a nightmare.

My 2.5 year old goes to nursery 3 days a week and then my husband and I share the childcare on the remaining days. It's a great balance but I'd probably struggle with 2 full days of childcare solo - it's really relentless and tiring at this age, both emotionally and physically.

As for 'entertaining and chores', there are no chores going on while my toddler is around. It's all consuming but not expensive. We go to toddler group, farm park, soft play (bit pricier), parks, visit my mum on occasion. Getting out really helps - there's no way I could spend a whole morning or afternoon in the house with her.

I can't say I massively 'enjoy' much of our time together, but I do try to treasure this time we have because I know it'll go really fast. She's also a summer born so she'll be at school in no time!

I really pleased that other people find they're 1-2 yr old draining to entertain! I thought there was something wrong with me

I suppose a lot depends on your personality and how well you cope with babies/toddlers. As much as I love DS, being at home with him part time just wasn't an option for me. Even maternity leave almost killed me. In my view, he gets far more out of going to nursery, both developmentally and socially, than I could give him at home and our time together when we have it is also more valuable as a result.

A lot also depends on the nature of your job and how it would work as a part time role. Personally, I can 100% guarantee I'd have ended up doing a full time role in part time hours and would have been working longer days etc just to get my work done, which would have taken away from my downtime with DS.

For me personally, the best balance was to continue working F/T in a role which is reliably 8-4/9-5, flexible and doing something I enjoy, whilst fully dedicating my evening and weekend time to DS.

Should have added, in terms of age he's just 3 now and slowly getting better but 2-3 has been hellish!

Part time saved my sanity but everyone is different. PT made me a much happier mum that enjoyed spending time with dts. Some friends wanted to be ft at home as that made them happy.