Is there a way to tag team nights whilst breastfeeding?

[sociallydistained]

I'm due very soon and hoping to EBF. I have a next to me crib and also am not opposed to co-sleeping. Whatever works really but I had settled on the idea I would be doing every wake up in the night to breast feed but my partner wants to help in anyway he can.

Wondering what everyone does when ebf a newborn and how to maximise sleep for me especially in the two weeks my partner is off on paternity.

In this situation I used to do the feed and then go back to sleep while DH burped and settled the baby. DC1 was a very windy baby so getting the wind up properly was an important task!

Yes definitely! When my LO was a newborn her Dad would get up with her when she woke and change her nappy (this helped to wake her up a bit more so she had a good feed, if I didn’t change it first she fell asleep as soon as I held her and wouldn’t feed!) then bring her to bed and I would either sit up, feed her, then put her back in the next to me, or just pop her on the boob and go back to sleep depending on how tired I was! I found the getting out of bed the most tiring! Honestly I found breastfeeding at night so much easier than formula would have been - I didn’t have to trek downstairs to make bottles while baby cried or stay awake to do the feed!

Yes, absolutely he can help.

Second baby was very easy, but DH would change her nappy while I woke up to feed and nip to the loo. He wasn't needed for much other than that.

First baby was a terrible sleeper with silent reflux and needed to be held upright after a feed. DH did the nappies, some of the holding upright, half the pacing the floors etc. I'm not sure I could have done it all myself.

Lots of ways the dad can help, including taking the baby in the evenings or the mornings so you can get caught up.

Also, said easy second baby is now a terrible sleeper as a toddler and DH does at least half of the overnights (I'm only breastfeeding at bedtime now).

I found that both being awake was pretty pointless, personally. Instead, I was happier doing the night feeds solo and then DH got up super early and took her while I went back to bed for a bit. But we introduced a bottle of expressed milk super early so he was able to keep her for longer as he could give her a feed. Made such a difference, and going to do same again this time round!

Oh and he also did everything around the house on paternity leave –all the cooking, cleaning, etc. Which felt like it made much more of a difference than any night-time stuff to me because it meant during the day I could literally just sit and feed her and be brought food, or go nap with baby and never have to worry about any chores! He took two weeks holiday too so he was off for a month, and it was amazing.

For us, on nights cluster feeling wasn’t a thing, DH would take the baby and rock him/her (often on the bouncy ball unused for Labour) in the evening so I could get some sleep immediately after an early evening feed. Might only have been 9.30-midnight, but it made a difference…

Oh and also I think it's good if you can play to your strengths. I need much more sleep than DH (I like a good 8/9 hours!) but can deal with it split into several chunks, whereas he needs far less sleep (5-6) but is much better if he gets it one solid block. So that kind of led to how we worked things out – I got more hours' sleep than he did overall but they were broken, whereas he got less sleep but in one block.

We had a next to me crib, and put it on dh side. So baby would wake, he would hand baby to me and I would feed 20-30mins and he would doze. Then hand baby back and he would settle baby in crib if needed if baby hadn’t fallen asleep feeding ( if so I just carried baby around and put in crib).

Dh did all the night nappy changes as well ( gave me 5mins to get up and wee/ have drink whilst dh changed nappy before I fed baby) - but didn’t need many night changes after first few weeks.

Also first change in morning. Again dh would change baby nappy and clothing, whilst I peed/ had large glass water and arranged pillows comfy for long morning feed.

I agree about playing to your strengths. DH is an owl and I am a lark, so he was happy to stay up with the baby in the evenings while I went to bed early, then I would get up in the mornings.

I expressed a bottle or two right from the start so we could take the nights in shifts and each get a solid chunk of sleep in the spare room, earplugs in. It saved us. I was lucky that I had a bit of an oversupply though and was able to pump plenty. If it’s an option for you, I’d definitely recommend it. I’ve seen advice not to pump or introduce bottles before 6 weeks (I had to from day one, because of issues establishing BFing to begin with), but it didn’t cause any issues for me. Coming up to a year and still breastfeeding. Good luck!

As others have said, DH and I would take turns in getting up to change DD's nappy - I found the actual cuddling up/latching baby on bit quite chilled, mostly because I was lucky and mastered feeding lying down quite easily (never managed feeding her subtly while out and about, but it was lovely and easy at night time!). I kept up night time feeds for much longer than daytime feeding, because like PPs say I found night feeds much easier than getting up to prepare formula!

We started the dc on a bottle of expressed milk when they were 3 weeks old (that was when they suggested you started back then). So I would so a 6pm ish feed, eat and go straight to bed. DH would keep the baby, give the bottle at 10ish in a dream feed type way and then hang on to the baby until midnight. He would then come to bed with the baby and I would take over from there. Since he is a night owl and I am more of a morning person it worked well for our personalities and we both got a decent chunk of sleep. I would express at 10 ish in the morning when my supply was really high. Dc never got nipple confusion as they had a solid start on the breast first and never refused a bottle because we started early enough. We did have a bit of a problem with dc 1 when we stopped bothering with the bottle for a month and then needed to start again (I was going into hospital for the night). He wasnt best pleased as he was out of the habit. But we got him back onto the evening bottle and learned from that to not let it lapse with the future dc

My advice to you would be to introduce a bottle of expressed milk pdq. Waiting until 6 weeks is likely to result in total refusal. I did it with both of mine and it meant I could grab some sleep while someone else fed baby. There was no confusion between breast and bottle. I never managed to express much but enough to catch some sleep. I did master feeding lying down which I felt was safer than falling asleep with baby sitting up.

I coslept, but I would go to bed alone about 8pm after feeding and DH would sit up with the baby until midnight (bringing for another feed around 10pm if needed and then taking them away, or you can do an expressed bottle for this slot). Then he'd bring the baby to me when he went to bed and we'd cosleep and feed lying down until 7am or so. In the morning he'd then stick baby in the sling and take them for a long walk while I caught a few more hours.

I only changed nappies at night if they were dirty or if the baby was soaked through and needed a change of clothes and I just let them fall asleep next to me if they fell asleep feeding. Worked for us and meant I got some hours deep sleep and some personal space.

I think this will go against received wisdom, but this is my experience. I'm a poor sleeper, and that's relevant.

We started off with me doing feeds and DH doing night nappies. Total disaster. It meant both of us were awake for every night wake and exhausted in the day. I couldn't go back to sleep while DH was doing nappies, so I didn't get any more sleep at all.

We moved to me doing everything at night but it being DH's responsibility to make sure I had lots of opportunities for daytime naps. For us, that worked, but me feeding and him changing nappies/ winding/ whatever really, really didn't.

I found I couldn’t really get back to sleep in the night if I knew they were still awake so little point in OH doing the settling.

What helped me most was OH taking them for a couple of hours in the evening and the early morning so I could catch up on a bit of uninterrupted sleep. Between feeds. And weirdly when they were newborn they both slept better in the cot at those times of day. Through the night they only wanted to be on me.

@Covidclaire

I found I couldn’t really get back to sleep in the night if I knew they were still awake so little point in OH doing the settling.

What helped me most was OH taking them for a couple of hours in the evening and the early morning so I could catch up on a bit of uninterrupted sleep. Between feeds. And weirdly when they were newborn they both slept better in the cot at those times of day. Through the night they only wanted to be on me.

Same for me. What worked for us was me taking the long small-hours shift while he got a chunk of sleep in the spare room, and him taking care of the baby at either end of that, out of the house if necessary, so that I could sleep soundly and refresh.

Depends a lot on your baby. Some wake once a night and go straight back to sleep. No real need to tag team, better to let you go to bed early or have a lie in.

Others wake hourly for a 5 minute feed but then require 30 minutes of upright holding due to reflux and a nappy change every 2 hours.

I really struggled with sleep until I started cosleeping - it worked the best for me - it meant I could make breast available and go back to sleep straight away.
My partner would change nappies most of the time in the first few weeks.
Getting a break during the day as well helped.
I never expressed - I would have the found the energy of expressing more work than just breastfeeding directly. Also I tended to be in sync with my baby so would wake up when he woke up automatically in those first few weeks.

DH offered to do some nights while DD was tiny… idea was I feed and he would do nappy and settle… in reality this worked for about a week since I was also waking up with them….
After a couple of weeks we decided on me taking naps mid afternoon and early evening while he was fully in charge of DD and the house…
Also the MW recommended to introduce a bottle as soon as (we wanted to combi feed)… probably not the advice… but worked for us DD accepted both bottle and breast and I managed to feed for about 7-8 months…. DH offered to give a bottle at night, but I needed to express… so not that handy on the first few weeks…

If baby isn't cluster feeding, hand to dad and go to bed. They can wind, nappy, cuddle, rock etc til more BF is required. We used to do this and I'd sleep in between feeds up til about midnight then take over

Another here for suggesting you wait see what your baby is like, mine would only have me do anything at night so I would go to bed early whilst DH had her till she wanted to feed. Then I did all night on my own as there was zero point DH being awake with nothing to do. The DH took baby early morning whilst I caught up on sleep. We shall see how number two wants to play things....

My husband used to get up about 5 and take baby for a walk out of the house in the sling for 20-40 minutes. It is possible to actually switch off and rest deeply if baby is out of earshot, as long as you trust your partner to bring them back if screaming.

Then he’d bring me coffee and breakfast in bed while I did the massive morning feed (he did this for a whole year. I love the bones of him.)

Same as some others have said. I co slept with mine and EBF so it was generally easier for me to do nights as he was right next to me on my side. Tbh I just didn’t have a deep sleep the first few months as I’d wake up every time he moved/didn’t move/made a sound/was too quiet My OH took him for a couple of hours early evening and first thing in the morning both after a big feed so I could have a proper sleep, it’s actually amazing how little sleep you need on the early days if it’s quality sleep (and I used to be able to sleep for hours!) He also did the cooking and majority of housework so that helped massively.

I have a one month old. We go to bed at around midnight and I do a final feed then; and put baby to bed while DH sleeps. DH does the next two feeds, which gives me five hours or so of sleep. Then I do the 6am, and DH sleeps from then for a few hours.

It means I get a solid block and he gets two three or four hour blocks, which is working for now. The person who is awake doing feeds does the nappies and burping.

But; the current advice is not to pump until 6 weeks. I had to due to a traumatic birth that led to us being separated, but it’s bought it’s own issues…