Nursery Success Stories Please!

[CoffeeMonkey]

Hi All,

Our little boy is 8 months and will be going to nursery full time soon when I go back to work, he’ll be about 10.5 months at that stage.

I’m just off the phone from the nursery trying to firm up dates etc & have had a bit of a wobble 😩😩 Due to both Covid & a lack of family help he’s never been with anyone other than DH or I so I’m worried about how big an adjustment this will be for him & how he’s going to manage.

He’ll be doing a few settling in days before I start back to work & I know long term it will be good for him to socialise with both other children & adults. The nursery we’re sending him to has come highly recommended from friends & co-workers, but I suppose I’m just looking for a bit of a hand hold really & someone to tell me it will all be ok!

Any tips to help with the adjustment for all of us gratefully accepted 😊

Hi there, no advice here just to say we are in a similar situation with our wee one so can sympathise! Interested to hear tips and experiences as I'm also dreading sending her to nursery

Tough isn't it! Goes against all of your instincts to hand them off to strangers.

DC2 started nursery recently and we were embarrassingly fine this time because we know the carers through DC1 and we trust them. With DC1 I was physically shaking all day.

Things that have helped me is to organise play dates with the other kids so you can get to know their environment and your DC gets to know others better. You could even start or join a WhatsApp group with other parents to swap stories etc, so you get more insight. Even hold a party or activity so you can get phone numbers. Sounds mad, but people really thank you.

Hopefully you'll get little stories at the door and that'll help.

Try to look at it as your village / your DCs village as well as childcare - helps me anyway x

Ah I was in your shoes last year! DD was also ten months when she started.
The morning of her first session I sat and cried while I fed her, because it felt so unnatural. But honestly? I cant imagine her not being in nursery now.
A good nursery will absolutely reassure you as much as you need and give you lots of positive updates, even if its ''they were a little unsettled but then we had a cuddle and a sing song'.
It took a few weeks for DC to fully settle and she also went through a week of total food refusal while there which is also normal.
Once she settled she pretty much jumped out of my arms at the door to get inside and when she was walking in, she marched in without looking back. My DD doesn't have siblings and had never ben looked after by anyone else but me.
I recommend on the first few sessions, go and do something for yourself. I went and had a manicure and got my eyes tested and mooched around the shops. I love the time I have back now to be ME, and i love love love the excited cuddles at home time. I also noticed that DCs milestones came on really quick being around her peers.They learn so much being around others their own age as well as motivated and not tired nursery workers!

My dd was 10 months when she started settling in and 11 months when full time. It had only been myself or my dp looking after her. Very occasionally and afternoon with my mum. DD would always scream and sob when we dropped her off (we acted normal and did quick goodbyes so not to exasperate things). The way nursery was set up we could often hear that she had stopped by the time we got to the carpark. Staff told us she'd sob and want a cuddle for 5 mins then get on with things. Took 9 months to stop having that reaction.

When she moved up a room she got upset again but it was the same story, a distraction when she got in then happy after 5 mins. It only lasted a month then happy apart from a few blips.

Final move up and it happened again. Bless her she obviously likes her stability and routine! Took a month again and she's happy.

Basically kids can react differently. I know some like my dd, some who weren't bothered at all and some who still scream and cling to parents at every drop off. It can be brutal. The key is having a plan in place with nursery if they do have a bad reaction.

This was before covid in 2019, but I had the world champion high needs cling on baby in DD1. She was with ILs four days a week and nursery one day a week, so settling in took AGES. They had to peel her off me at every drop off for nine months. The only thing that saved me was that I’m a primary teacher and I see firsthand that they’re often much better once parents are out of sight.

DD1 always had lovely days there and was constantly smiling and laughing when I spied on her at pick up time, if that helps. By 18 months she did a complete 180 and ran into nursery without a backwards glance, and now she’s been at preschool four days a week for a fortnight and we haven’t had one tear or hesitation at drop off; they’ve said she’s a delight - confident, sociable and independent.

So there you are, that’s our success story. From a high needs, overtired clinger to the most confident three year old I’ve ever met. I credit nursery and grandparents with all of that, I think being away from us during term time (I’m a teacher) weekdays has done her the world of good. When I used to teach KS1, I often found this to be the case - those who’d been in childcare were usually more resilient and settled better.

Doh, I mentioned being a teacher twice. I blame sleep deprivation courtesy of DD2.

My little boy started last year age 9 months and he didn’t even flinch when I left him, benefit of them being slightly younger is they’re a bit more “go with the flow” (from the babies I know anyway, the ones who’ve cried any screamed at drop off when they started have been over 1)
I to had a wobble before he started though, I also had a wobble about going back to work so I think the whole change in routine doesn’t help.

But a good nursery will be a home from home for them, today for example I picked him up and a nursery worker there said “oh he’s just not been himself today” in such a kind tone. He’s teething and the fact she knew just from his change of personality made me feel so reassured that he’s still a person there.

Let yourself have a wobble, he may cry (or he may not) but he will be fine 😊

I don’t have any tips apart from brace yourself for the nursery “freshers flu”

My DD was a lockdown baby who started at 7 months full time and has loved every day of nursery. She is always excited to go in and the staff are lovely, they clearly genuinely like being with the children and she does all the stuff I would never do (messy play!) and eats all kinds of healthy organic food. It means we can just enjoy playing with her at weekends and feed her basic stuff without worrying

I was in your position before Christmas. My 11 month old lockdown baby was going to nursery to be looked after by people I didn't know and I was so worried & guilty & relieved all at once. The settling in system is great, we did 1 week at 1 hour a day, 1 week at 3 hours and 1 week at 5 hours, then I was back to work and she was in full time.

I thought there would be tears but she's been fine since day 1 thankfully. I think as long as we're okay and act like everything is fine, she trusts us that she'll be fine. That first morning was so odd though, just leaving her, but we went to get coffee for the hour and then brought her to the park after we picked her up and it was a really lovely day.

The staff are brilliant and we have an app where they update what she did all day, what she eats and they put up photos of her playing too which makes a long workday much better.

Unfortunately with Covid we have a very small nursery bubble and have staggered pick ups and drop offs so, other than a brief 'hello' on passing, I haven't met any other parents

Oh god, yes, the bugs! She (and by extension, us) has had a permanent runny nose and cough since she started. As does every other baby in there, through everyone's a bit more hale and hearty after the Christmas break. The first month was tough, stock up on tissues, calpol, something to help them breathe better at night, and vitamins and Benylin for you! The Benylin day and night tablets for us through Christmas.

DD started nursery at 11mo and LOVED it.

She did so much cool stuff (from forest school, to crafts and messy play, sports, music, loads of singing, as she got older she learned a lot of early literacy and numeracy) she also learned to socialise and share in a way that she wouldn't have as an only child with us.

She left as a happy, confident, 4.5yo, ready for school.

It was much harder on us (oh how DH and I wept) than it was for her.

The first year is BRUTAL for bugs though. But now aged 5 her immune system is rock solid!

The right nursery setting is an absolute blessing for small kids. They thrive on it!

With my 1st I went to work when he was 1. I tried nursery, childminder - nothing worked. I settled for a nanny and that was godsent. He was with her for 6 months, then he joined a nursery which was hellish as he hated it and cried for months. But my 2nd was born just as he started nursery so he was only in for 3 half days as I was on mat leave. Which helped a lot and if you have any chance of that I would highly recommend this half-day approach.
I did not follow any of the advice of "they will settle". No. If he cried (like really cried not just whined) he was picked up and taken home. Yes maybe he would have settled better, faster...but I refused to have an inconsolable 1,5yo desperately crying for his mum without an answer. Just no.
He was a velcro baby and he still is, but he loves the nursery and they say he is a super child.
My younger is now with a nanny (same nanny) since she was 6mo and she is absolutely happy never shed a tear. She will start the same nursery when she is one and I hope she will be OK.

My advice would simply be if work allows, keep them in the nursery for the least possible amount of time to start with and see how they go.

DS was meant to start nursery at 11 months but he had 1 settling in session and then the covid lockdowns hit, so he was actually 15 months by the time he started going regularly.

I was a nervous wreck leaving him with strangers, but he never had a problem settling and absolutely loved the change of scenery! He's been through 3 rooms now and each time they wait til a few of his friends are ready to move up with him so he's always around kids he knows. The staff are brilliant and treat the kids like their own! He's now almost 3 and can't get into nursery quick enough in the mornings!

It's been wonderful watching him develop into a really confident, sociable child. But I do think it really depends on the nursery and whether it's a good fit for your child, we lucked out with ours I think.

I'm a nursery manager and we do home visits to go and meet the family first. We've found these massively helpful in the settling in period because we aren't strangers - we've been to their house and played with their toys which gives them a sense of familiarity. We make plenty of time to chat with parents and fill in all about me questionnaires to get to know the child as much as possible. Other than that we always send updates to parents, especially if they are anxious. Anyone working in a nursery environment will not be considered a stranger to you for long - we also what your children to settle and feel happy so will do what we can to help

My DD started full time nursery 8-6 when she was 9 months old and she flourished there.

There were occasional morning when she cried as I left but every single day she was having an absolutely fantastic time when I went to pick her up.

She had to go to nursery as DH and I had to work but it definitely did not do her any harm at all and she is now a happy, intelligent, kind, funny 7yo who knows she is well loved. She's doing exceptionally well at school and has a great relationship with me and her dad.