The mornings are so stressful.

[Lottiebugz22]

No matter how organised we are. Clothes are out, shoes are out. Everything is prepped and organised. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old. My 3 year old refuses to get dressed, brush her teeth, let me do her hair for a good part of the morning to where finally she cooperates after allot of encouragement at around 10 minutes before we need to leave to get to nursery for 8am. It is always rushed and stressful and I have no time to make myself look presentable which makes me feel rubbish. I just feel like I'm failing as a parent at this. I just don't know how to sort it out. What is everyone else's mornings like😕?

Get ready first. Always.

Work out your pinch point. Ours was teeth and hair. So we have toothbrushes downstairs (the less movement the better, they also get dressed in the kitchen after breakfast and teeth) and I do hair in the car when we get there.

I also bribe with iPad time 'get ready quickly and you will have time for iPad'

I've also taken toddlers to nursery in their PJs and a bag of clothes. My eldest still talks about it, it's gone down in family legend. They know I'm not messing when I say I will do it again for nursery or school.

It will also get easier as they get older. Promise.

Oh, and car breakfast. Sometimes there's no time for a second bowl of cereal, so they will have a car breakfast whilst we drive to school / nursery. Not ideal, but no one is starving and we're on time

We had these, they are plastic jars with pom-poms in them. When you get ready nicely you get a ball in your jar before leaving the house. Then when the jar is full you get a treat. It would take a couple of weeks to fill up.

We don’t use them any more but they worked well to establish the morning routine!

Oh you get you choose your pom-pom from the bag too. Very important!

Why is she allowed downstairs without being dressed and hair done? Surely that’s asking for nonsense to happen?
Mine were never allowed down until they were ready for nursery/ school, 13 year old ds still has to abide by this rule.

I would start a new routine. She gets dressed and ready before setting foot on those stairs. If she mucks about upstairs then off to nursery in her pjs, and make it clear the other children will think she’s very babyish for not getting dressed.

I have no idea how people manage. I have one 18 month old DC and I struggle every morning to get us both out the door without causing a massive meltdown.
I often have to finish getting ready at work seeing as doing my make up on the train isn't an option anymore, and am often still covered in some kind of baby gunk on my clothes, or furiously trying to wipe her mucky face for the 50th time before I drop her at nursery!

They are stressful but I find helps to do lunches night before, set out clothes, set alarm at 6 and make sure have quick easy breakfasts. We walk to school but live close so only a 5-10 minute walk. I aim for them to be fed brushed teeth by just gone 8 so have enough time for them to get dressed, youngest still needs help. I like to do make up in morning so factor that in too but doesn't take too long! Being organised is key

My kids get up at the crack of dawn, which kind of helps. We have breakfast together then straight upstairs to get dressed and teeth done.

If there are complaints, my toddler can be persuaded to get dressed by reading a book and only having the next page with another item off clothing off or on, my 5 yo is left to roll around a bit until it's really time to get dressed then if she's playing up I might use an enticement like painting her nails or looking at something in the bathroom cupboard she's not usually allowed.

They are then allowed a bit of telly, this helps because they want to get dressed in time and we get up so early that there is time to fill usually! Then straight into getting ready to go out. If they refuse to put on coat and shoes and coaxing, being silly etc doesn't work then they are put out the door with coat/shoes next to them to put on (we walk to school/childcare).

On an especially bad day, toddler is strapped in the pram and older one is coaxed or piggy backed to get there.

Re your 3yo - she might be better off dressing herself, sometimes they resist being babied too much at that age. Practice at weekends and see if she can do it herself.

If she won't have her hair done, cut it short! Teeth brushing is not negotiable.

@FruitToast

Morning's are always stressful but I found it best if I get up first and get myself ready. I don't mess about with breakfasts we all eat at nursery/school/work. They spend far too long faffing with food, spilling their drinks, arguing about who has the most milk/cereal/the blue cup and always make me late. I have to continually prompt eldest to wee and clean teeth whilst getting 3 year old ready. I then dress both children in the week myself. I'm not waiting for them to painfully slowly get dressed. They dress themselves at the weekend though when they can suddenly be super fast! Sometimes that has meant ignoring the tantrum and just physically manhandling them into clothes. They've now accepted that they just get dressed. I've found the longer we have the more they faff so we get up, get ready and go! Other things I've found helpful at different ages are a kitchen timer so they can visibly see the time they have to do something and saying "bet we can't get your dress on before the timer goes ping" or being silly "....and your pants go on your head? No you'd better show me where they go then" or "oh no this shoe is feeling lonely it needs a foot in it to cheer it up" etc etc. Basically turn the whole thing into a game, although I appreciate it's difficult to find the energy when you're tired with very little ones.

I love all this advice. Thank you. I'm going to try these.

@Mamette

We had these, they are plastic jars with pom-poms in them. When you get ready nicely you get a ball in your jar before leaving the house. Then when the jar is full you get a treat. It would take a couple of weeks to fill up.

We don’t use them any more but they worked well to establish the morning routine!

I love this idea as well. Thank you for sharing. Sounds fun.

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Why does the 3 year old need to leave at 8? Seems quite early if you’re on mat leave with a baby?

That's her start time at nursery.

I'm so glad I asked this question as there are so many helpful responses. Thank you very much. I am certainly going to implement some of the ideas.

@MissyB1

Why is she allowed downstairs without being dressed and hair done? Surely that’s asking for nonsense to happen? Mine were never allowed down until they were ready for nursery/ school, 13 year old ds still has to abide by this rule.

I would start a new routine. She gets dressed and ready before setting foot on those stairs. If she mucks about upstairs then off to nursery in her pjs, and make it clear the other children will think she’s very babyish for not getting dressed.

Mine doesn't get dressed before breakfast to save his uniform................

I live with DH and DC (4 years old) so it's much easier as we share the load between the two of us.

I get up and get myself ready while DH gets DC dressed, downstairs, and starts breakfast. Once I"m ready, I come down and take over (usually as breakfast is finishing) so I do the brushing of hair and teeth and get coats and shoes ready and on, while DH gets himself ready. Sometimes we swap so I get DC sorted while DH showers etc then he takes over while I get myself ready.

Honestly I would just drop later to nursery, when I work I drop mine at 7.40am, when I was on mat leave it was more like 8.45, so to avoid the morning chaos I would just tell nursery they will be in 45 min later

Why is her start time rigid at 8am for nursery?

When I was off I dropped my DD whenever I liked, sometimes she had breakfast at home and sometimes at nursery. Her hours were from start to finish and we paid for the whole day so we could drop her whenever, it was always within a certain window of about a hour. Much less stress.

It gets better. Honestly it does. But it will probably be quite chaotic for a while!

My eldest is 5, and I've got 14 mo twins. Things that make things easier with the eldest (already said by lots of posters):

• everyone dressed before anyone goes downstairs. I don't open the top stairgate (which is really stiff so DD can't easily do it) until everyone has clothes on.
• games. It's always easier to get a child to cooperate if it's a competition. Mind you, I'm often smiling through gritted teeth and swearing internally!
• follow exactly the same pattern every day so DC know what is coming next
• some kind of carrot dangling at the end of the routine. For my eldest, if she is ready in time she is allowed to draw in her whiteboard. It's a win-win as they doesn't require my attention so I can deal with the boys more easily.

It doesn't always work perfectly and some days are still quite chaotic. But it gets us out of the door on time 99% of the time.

Promising they could watch TV as soon as they were dressed and fed helped us a lot. Clothes on quick, discussing what TV to watch as soon as they are ready. Then easy breakfast and settle 3 year old to watch TV while you get ready.

Baby can stay in nightclothes.

Given you're on mat leave I'd just take your time a bit more. Doesn't matter if you're late, presumably? Better be there 8.30 and calm than 8 and flustered.

My top tip is... always get up before your children. Get ready first.