Bedsharing VS own room - Bfed 15 months old

[LettucesAndRoses]

Hi everyone!

My DD is 15 months old and breastfeeds multiple times a night. We've only had one bedroom to share so far so she's been sleeping with us, at first in her own cot (meaning me trying to make her sleep in her cot and spending most of the night sat up in bed breastfeeding and transferring as everyone told me it was irresponsible to bedshare). I got so fed up of transferring and waking her and not sleeping that we put a mattress in her huge playpen (size of a double bed) so I could lie down next to her to put her to sleep and escape without having to move her. It works really well and she's safe.

We're now moving to a bigger place where she can have her own bedroom. My parents and in-laws are adamant she needs her own bedroom and that it's the only way she'll sleep better. My gut instinct is that she needs close contact and comfort and that I'll end up spending the night with her in her bed in her bedroom anyway and that DH will be alone in our room. In that case, I'd much rather have one big family bed and cuddle up all together.

I'd love to hear about your experiences on this subject.

I’d night wean before moving house/her if you want to change the situation. Going from cosleeping and breastfeeding on demand to cot in her own room in a new house is a huge step to do in one go, especially now she is of an age where she has preferences and a lot of awareness. She isn’t going to start magically sleeping through the night just by moving her when she’s used to sleeping with you - not without a lot of distress anyway.

If you are happy with the situation, ignore your family. If you don’t want to sleep train in any way (which is completely fine) I suspect you are correct - you’ll just end up on her bedroom floor all night.

Assuming you’re not unhappy with the cosleeping I’d just ignore your family. I’ve recently night weaned my 18 month old (due to pregnancy related sensitive nips rather than thinking it’ll affect her sleep) and she still needs a cuddle / contact at night (which DH and I share so an improvement for me but a worsening for him)

She’s unlikely to suddenly sleep really well and independently just because you’ve moved, if anything the change might unsettle her and make her want more contact not less and you’ll just create a bucket load of work for yourself trying to make her.

By all means give her a room but she can sleep in it when she’s ready / when YOU want to make a change. They’re not little for long and she won’t be in your bed when she’s 20.

I forgot to add that I'll keep breastfeeding as long as she wants to and I'm not going to sleep train.

Really, to cut a long story short, just wanted to find out from hearing about your experiences if it's being next to me at night that makes her wake up more (that's what our families are saying).

It’s really, really hard to predict until you make changes to be honest. Night weaning and moving DS to a cot (still in our room) was the magic bullet to better sleep, but to be honest he’s never been a cuddly baby - he tolerated cosleeping as he liked having access to boob when he wanted. He wasn’t bothered remotely when it was taken away and prefers having his own space….I know for some of my friends with more cuddly babies though, night weaning/stopping co sleeping made no noticeable difference and in some cases, made sleep worse.

Follow your gut.

There will always be the crowd who say you shouldn’t do this or that. Most of them will have never even tried co-sleeping so have no idea of the benefits of doing it. Please don’t feel pressured. The dc is your child. They are only little for a short while.

If you still want to breastfeed and don't want to sleep train then cosleeping is far easier. Get a big family bed and ignore everyone's opinions outside of your's, your partner's and your baby's.

@NotVictorianHonestly

If you still want to breastfeed and don't want to sleep train then cosleeping is far easier. Get a big family bed and ignore everyone's opinions outside of your's, your partner's and your baby's.

Totally agree with this. We prepared little ones' rooms and told them all about it, played in there during the day, so when they were finally weaned, they were excited to move in.

All of mine went down in their own cots in our room, but came into our bed when they woke in the night. When they were old enough to go into their own rooms, around 18 months, we told them that if they called out, we'd come. So we had no crying in the night, because they trusted that we'd be there if they woke. It was so sweet hearing a little 'ooee' or 'oohoo', instead of cries in the night or morning.

I still breastfeed and bedshare with my 2yo. I love it, his sleep improved gradually (with ups and downs) and he mostly sleeps 8-4/5am then again till 7-8am. or he sleeps 8-6/6.30 and then is up for the day. do what works for you and don't let your wider family feel like they have the right to interfere. I get occasional comments but I dont consider changing what I'm doing based on those comments, because they aren't the ones in this situation!

Make a nice little bedroom for her with a cot. If she naps in it fine. If she sits and plays with toys while you have a shower also fine Tell the in laws she sleeps in her own room as opposed to feck off. Do what your gut says. Plenty of time to get her to sleep alone. For now your peace of mind, sleep and a happy baby mater more

Following, as I’m having a similar dilemma! Have bed-shared with 14 month old since he was 6 months. He starts in his own cot then comes in with me when he wakes up. He’s always been a frequent waker and it’s getting worse, not better. I feel like it’s cos I’m next to him that he wakes so often, but I don’t have the energy to persevere with repeatedly putting him back in his cot! Tough one!

Why not both? Having their own room is good for storage and naps. We started every night there and coslept from the first wake-up in our bed. This wake-up got later and later until they slept through the night.

If it works then it works. DD has had her own room for a while and she will sometimes sleep some of the night in it but mostly she wants to sleep in with us. We all get plenty of sleep doing so, and that is my number one priority! At some point she'll stop coming through and then I will miss her I love being woken up by her little cuddles or even just when she stirs in the night and shuffles over to me to give me a hug and goes back to sleep.

They're tiny for such a small time 🥺