Unwell toddler - Nursery - Full time job - Help

[Hopitihop]

Hello,

I am a mum of a DC and soon expecting baby No.2.

My DC goes full time at nursery as both myself and my husband work full time.

The problem is that every 2-3 weeks our DC is unwell, comes back home with fever and we can't send her back to nursery as she needs to stay at home to recover and they also don't administer paracetamol.

So, what is the solution for two working parents?

We don't have any kind of family/support/friends around that could pass our DC to them during working hours.

We have requested from our companies endless days of flexible working for this matter and we make up any day lost hours (due to having her at home) early in the morning when she is asleep and late in the evening when she is asleep again.

It can't be that this is the only solution as we can't get anything else done. We don't have time to cook, to clean, to have a shower bla bla bla.

I thought part time would be the solution but how can it be?

For example if DC goes 3 days at the nursery and I work these 3 days and then we stay at home together the other two days, then what happens if DC is unwell again? In these 3 days that I work I would have to work again flexibly.

I haven't heard of any other parents in my company that they request that and this make me feel very uncomfortable every time my kid is unwell.

It can't be that we are the only ones with this issue.

Please advise what is the solution?

I can't even imagine how it will be with two kids soon ... Please help!!!!

I work part time for this reason really. It gives us a bit more leeway. It's so tough. Also try and get a job in the public sector where your bosses are less likely to care about the bottom line. Or work for yourself.

Honestly this is just the reality for the majority of parents I’m afraid, and it’s a nightmare

I work in a nursery and have had parents in tears on the phone because their child needs collecting and they are so worried about their jobs.

Have long has your DC been at nursery? The first 6 months is brutal for illnesses but their immune system will improve and hopefully not be as ill!

You might find baby number 2 is helpful here - you will soon be on maternity for a while, which will be most of your child's time at nursery. By the time you return from ML your child will be older and more used to the nursery environment and all the bugs that come with them. They tend to become a bit more resilient. Of course the. You'll have DC2 going to nursery, but at least DH will have had a gap from flexible working requests from his employer...

It is a problem for all parents. When I became a single parent I had to go part-time which helped a bit.

I suppose if you have a lot of family help eg grandparents on hand then they might help (probably pre-COVID) but most people don’t. You just muddle through and hope for the best.

As pp says above, it’s slightly easier for a while when you are on maternity leave. My two dc both had chicken pox during that period and one of them had hand, foot and mouth for example so some of the childhood illnesses were over by the time I went back to work a year later.

Thanks all!

To be honest I was hoping that there would be a solution :-D

My DC has been to the nursery the last 1 year and I was hoping by now things would be better but not... Maybe it didn't help that we changed nursery along the way.

I am also planning to work 3-4 days post the second maternity as 5 days is completely unsustainable.

I hope it will do the trick.

Regarding being on maternity and my first born at nursery, it worries me massively in case the new baby catches anything the first 2-3 months that they can't even have calpol ! Do I just hope for the best during this period?

We just alternate which parent has to take the day off, normally as annual leave so we don't lose any pay.

However we also made the choice to move within a mile of my mum before having dd so we have her to help when possible.

Agree with the public sector Jon if its a possibility. Even with a pay cut I'm glad I did it.

Unfortunately there isn't really a solution, covid has made it worse in that isolations as well make it really tough. It does get better though, not that it helps you now, but as long as you're both sharing the load that's all you can do really.

when dc were that age dh and I both agreed to teduce hours. with agreement of employers of course.

I worked early, 6am to 12. he worked late 13- 8 or so.

this way we both were able to keep work happy and care for poorly dc.

luckily it's a phase that only lasts a limited time.

Same boat here, two DC in full time nursery, two full time jobs, no family nearby.

Our saving graces are very flexible jobs which mean no one cares when we're working so long as it's done, a true 50/50 split in time off and a nursery that's more practical than yours - ours will take them with a temp so long as they're well in themselves once they've had Calpol. In fairness, we haven't relied on that too often but it's extremely useful on occasion. We all know those mild childhood illnesses that run that way.

Just keep telling yourself it's a short period. Your maternity leave will help. I find when the baby is home sick I can get a decent hour done during her nap (and often let her nap longer to get more done). With the 3 year old, if she's home sick a bit of quiet time on the sofa with cbeebies does her no harm and so I get the laptop out.

Basically, in this, as in so many other ways, I've resigned myself to survival mode until the youngest is 4.

I am in the exact same situation and it's such a nightmare. My little one has been attending nursery for more than two years and I thought his immune system would be ok now he's three. But he still gets nasty viruses every other week!
The end result is we work under a lot of stress and pressure, we don't have time to cook/sleep/do any basic activities. When he's well and at nursery it's bliss, we can work regularly and have a decent routine, a clean house etc. But then we are back at it again so often!
Last year has been particularly tough on my physical and mental health. I really felt inadequate as a mother and as a manager and I have no idea how I manage to go through it!
My only hope is that, at one point, he will be able to fight all these little illnesses.
I am also wonder if it's normal to have temperature/cough/cold so often. We knew the first 6 months were the worse, then we had a year of more stability (during the worse of Covid) but the last six months have been horrible, truly horrible.

Get a nanny. It will likely be more cost effective with 2 anyway. They get far less bugs that way.

I am also wonder if it's normal to have temperature/cough/cold so often. We knew the first 6 months were the worse, then we had a year of more stability (during the worse of Covid) but the last six months have been horrible, truly horrible.

That was the case here too, I'm really hoping this term will be a bit easier. Did you see all those news stories saying that after lockdown last winter, we had essentially two winters' worth of viruses circulating? I know everyone I know with small kids was saying the same before Christmas, the absences were insane.

It can't be that this is the only solution as we can't get anything else done. We don't have time to cook, to clean, to have a shower bla bla bla.
It’s the only solution for us. We make sure to split time off 50/50, we never prioritise DP’s job though he earns a lot more, we’ll flex around each other’s deadlines and meetings but essentially it’s a shit game of juggling child and work and letting everything else fall by the wayside.

Showers? Pah! A luxury. Cooking? Thank you Captain Birds Eye for all that you have given us. Cleaning? Pay a cleaner. Tidy house? Once the kids are no longer toddlers.

Honestly the game plan for when they’re little and in nursery is: lower your standards. It’s not forever. Look at friends or family with older children: they’ve all got clean houses and take showers, even when their kids are sick. One day that will be your life! This era is brutal but it’s not forever.

Has your child had chicken pox yet? If not you could get them the vaccine which will hopefully eliminate the need for time off with that.

Good luck op, it's not easy but just the way life is if you don't have family nearby etc.

A nanny can be a bit more flexible and cost for two is comparable- worth looking into