Things you wish you had known - 2 kids

[Mamabear04]

What do you wish you knew in hindsight after having 2 kids?

We're just giving this thread a bump for the OP.

I'll join you waiting for answers... I'm due number 2 in just over 6 weeks!

Nothing really. The move from none to one was far harder than one to two.

How lovely it is.

I disagree with @GoodnightGrandma - for me, one baby slotted into my life no problem, whereas trying to figure out how to leave the house with a newborn and a 16 month old made my head hurt!

I would say keep your existing childcare arrangements for the elder child if you can. When I had my second DC, my first was at home with me all day every day and I found it a real struggle with two tiny children whos needs were both quite urgent. I would have loved a few days just me and younger DC

It can be just as much of a learning curve/adjustment second time round but in a different way. I put so much pressure on myself when it took us ages to get out of the house at first because I was thinking "I know how to do this" but actually I was wrong, I knew how to get one child out of the house, it's very different to managing a toddler AND a newborn. My advice would be not to put too much pressure on yourself and to take things a day at a time. It's really hard but it does get easier too

I agree with @steelseries, one you still had some downtime - they napped and slotted into life, now there’s 2 there’s always someone who needs you, always. If one sleeps in the other is awake, if one sleeps through the other is up all hours. There just no ‘off’

Mine are 5 and 1, and everything just always seems so……busy now.

That it's infinitely more exhausting (feels like I've added 10 not 1 😂) but infinitely better. Our eldest is so happy, the family feels more balanced - it's the best.

Appreciate every family is different...!

Are you thinking of having another, OP?

I have a 20 month old and 10 week old. It has been far easier than 0-1 in my opinion. I have found it helpful to let go of all expectations, keep toddler's routine and go with flow with the newborn. In fairness the 10 week old is very chilled so far. I think also, I know how quickly the time goes.
With my toddler, I was very keen to impose a routine from the get-go; this time I am far more relaxed and baby seems happy for it.
Good luck and enjoy! It's very lovely to see your two children together.

I have a 4 year old and an 8 month old. Theoretically we knew that all kids are different but even so I don't think we were prepared for just how different DD is in terms of everything - feeding, eating, sleeping, temperament, moving-compared to her older brother. I also wasn't able to fully appreciate how exhausting it would be to be back in the routine of having no sleep but then also having to be "on the ball fun play time mummy" for my eldest during the day. It's unreal and I'm more tired than I knew it was possible to be. But having said that I wouldn't change my family for anything 😊

Second what someone upthread said- if you can afford it keep your first in nursery/ childminder at least a few days a week, it’s great for recovering from the weekends when you have two to contend with! Plus gives you time to spend 1:1 with a little newborn again. Invest in a carrier so you can push your toddler and wear the newborn / have hands free.

The bickering is a nightmare.

But watching a close sibling relationship develop is amazing. My children adore each other and seeing their special relationship grow and seeing how their lives are so intertwined with each other just makes all the difficult aspects worth it.

I think it really depends on the age gap of the children. Closer in age would be a lot harder in my opinion. For example if both are in nappies at the same time, or if one can be left to it on their own while you tend to newborn, or can they both be left in a room without you worrying. There’s pros and cons for each age range but from experience I’ll say that a larger age gap meant that I was able to be 100% present for my newborn while my older child was at school and more independent at home. It made the whole thing easier.

That my life feels full. I love being a mum to two special little boys and I feel so absolutely blessed. I nearly didn't have kids, thank god I did

Don't expect the second one to just fit in and all the parenting tricks that worked with the first to work! Dd2 has certainly kept me on my toes 🤣

Biggest advice, take all offers of childcare for 1 or both. Each child needs time alone with you regardless of age and you need time that is just for you too. My dds are now 13 and 9. Me and dd2 play games after school and dd1 likes to sit and watch TV or just chat once dd2 is in bed for the hour before her bedtime. The hour each dedicated just for them makes a huge difference in their behaviour and mood.

That a small age gap is horrendous to begin with but actually amazing when they're a toddler and older.

That nap times no longer mean down time.

Your older one will wake your baby, whether it's a toy being thrown at it or shouting in an attempt to whisper. You will cry (or I did.....more than once).

....and a personal one but I realised that actually I don't really enjoy the baby stage as much as I thought I would (actually found it ridiculously hard even with my third) and that it wasn't that my first born was particularly difficult. Now love it it that they're all toddlers and older. But with my second and third I knew the baby stage wouldn't be forever so was a lot less stressed which made me not hate that stage as I had but cemented that our family was complete.

And lastly pure cheese but, I marvel that I created and am raising three distinctly different and amazing little people. They are honestly my little best friends (although I have to wipe a lot more bums than any friendship I've had before). I have no regrets (but more fingerprints literally all over the house 🤣)

That they can be completely different to each other.

DC1 fed every four hours sleeping in between day and night, then did a 7 hour stretch at night from 5 weeks.

DC2 was a hungry colicy baby. He fed every 1 and a half to 2 hours, barely napped all day. Once the colic started he cried for about 3 hours every evening and there was nothing I could do to console him.

DC1 and DC2 are two years apart. Two relatively close together is tiring, especially when they’re quite little. I feel like that sounds obvious, but it really is the thing I learned! I think it’s that there are two needing quite a bit of support, fairly constantly. You get more downtime with one (if they nap/sleep reasonably).

Clearly didn’t put me off though, as after a few more years I had DC3 and then DC4 with a 2 year gap, again

Also just how different they can be. Completely different personalities! Although mine do get on too, which is lovely.