Sil and the T-shirt continued.....

[seeker]

I posted a while ago about the T shirt my sil gave my 12 year old dd. It said I love chocolate, shopping, shoes, handbags and men - as long as they are rich" I didn't like it but I was worried that I was being old fashioned and prudish. People on here seemed to agree with me.

We get on very well and, as she is not a native English speaker, she sometimes uses me as "cultural interpreter" when she doesn't understand something about life in England. I raised the subject of the t shirt with her and db tonight in those terms, thinking that perhaps she had bought it without understanding, but it turned out that they had thought it was really funny and that there was nothing wrong with it at all. They made me feel that I was prudish, silly and actually a bit irrational to thing that a 12 year old shouldn't go round with this slogan on her chest.

I would be interested to know whether people generally agree with me or with them. And if you agree with them, could you telly me why?

cut up the t-shirt to use as dusters, stuffing for a cushion.....

I'm sorry - but I am still really worried about this - I know I am now verging on the obsessive, but I still need more people to tell me I'm right. My brother is older than me (even though I am incredibly old) and is still capable of making me question my judgement. Does anybody know the feeling when somebody can make you feel that you live in an alternative universe where their view is right and yours in wrong, even when you KNOW that you are right? Well, he can do this to me every time! So more righteous indignation, please!

Seeker I think you need to make the decisions that are right for you and your family. You are in charge of what is acceptable for your dd to wear. You could get 50 people on here saying you are right, and 50 people saying you are wrong. What does it prove? That people make different judgements about things. The only one that matters here is yours, because it is your decision to make.

Having said that, I am not quite sure what the argument with your brother is about and why it is still going on. I presume you said you weren't happy with the t-shirt - and they are causing all sorts of ruckus about it. I think you need to put an end to it - just say "well my choice is for dd not to wear these kind of t-shirts, so I would be grateful if you didn't buy them in future. Now let's move on and not fall out over it."

I bought my five year old niece a dressing-up feather boa from Claire's Accessories because most of her little friends had one had she told me she loved them.

My younger brother was furious and threw it away saying it was 'tarty' I only have sons but I feel terrible now. Was it an awful thing to buy?

I agree with everyone else on here, and how often does that happen, all MNetters agreeing with each other. That should give you some idea of how completely right you are.

Your brother sounds a bit childish and immature. Surely it is your decision what your DD wears, and they have to respect that.

The t-shirt is vulgar and completely age-inappropriate. I would definately not let my DD wear it, at any age actually.

Do not let your family make you doubt your instincts.

Thank you, frannyandzooey - once again, huge sense from you!

Actually, the ruckus is going on in my head - we're on perfectly good terms in real life! It extended a bit because my mother was outraged b and seperately raised the issue with my brother, which made him defensive and produced the "ridiculous" "humourless" comments.

You are right. New Year Resolution - stop being pathetic little sister seeking big brother's approval and accept that he and I think incredibly differely about things. This has just brought that fact to the surface.

Yes just be more confident in your own beliefs. You are the best person to make these decisions for your dd, and you have made a sensible decision here. It doesn't actually matter what your brother or mother think about it.

Malovitt, I don't think it was a terrible thing to buy, but I think you have to respect your brother's feelings. I would tell him you are sorry, and you only ever thought of it as a harmless dressing up item - you would never intentionally buy his dd anything tarty, but you accept his feelings about it.

Just want to back you up some more! I would NOT let my daughter wear it. YANBU. Bin it and don't feel guilty.

malovitt - I wouldn't be worried about my little girls (aged 2 and 3)playing dressing up with a feather boa. They would love it in fact - it's quite a good present IMO! I'm quite surprised anyone would descibe it as being tarty.

That t-shirt sounds awful though. it should be binned.

Message withdrawn

Forgot to say I wouldn't have a problem with the feather boa, though. Fab present in my opinion. My dd had one and she used to dress up and say - looking very disapproving a my jeans and trainers "See, mummy - this is what a lady wears."

I think you're right. But clearly as there is a big enough market to mean that a sizeable profit can be made manufacturing and selling this T-shirt there are plenty of people who think your brother is right. Have confidence in your own judgement rather than worrying about a majority vote.