Anyone read 'Perfect madness - motherhood in the age of anxiety' ?

[Shitemum]

DP gave it to me for xmas...

... oh Shitemum, it just gets better and better, doesn't it? Mine gave me a dustbuster.

Sounds good.

I think a double vodka would work just as well (and quickewr too)

Yes bluestocking - he might as well just have said 'chill out woman' and be done with it!

Shall we plan our joint revenge?

ok bluestocking, how shall we start?

Tomorrow, get up, get your own breakfast, get dressed, then leave the house and spend the day doing your own thing. Keep your phone turned off - or better still, leave it turned on and in a prominent position on a kitchen counter. Come home very, very late, preferably slightly intoxicated.

good plan - unfortunately he has to go to work. (Actually it's my work but he's been doing it for me for the last 15 months since DD2 ws born...ooppps i've let slip that he might not be completely useless after all, havent I!)

Aha! And my DP has taken both DS and DSS to spend the day with his mother, leaving me to have a lovely day by myself. So perhaps they're not quite so bad?

it's not a bad book - but I'd be mad at DH if he'd bought it for me! (I borrowed it from the library for myself).

Anyone else? The book is making me feel justifiably dissatisfied with my 'choices'.

Am resurrecting this thread cos I'm about two thirds of the way through this book and wondered what anyone else who had read it thought.
Personally, I thought the first passionate bit was really interesting, and the sociological history of America less so. Not all of Judith Warner's statements resonate completely with me but I do get most of what she's saying, I think.
Despite the apparent shit this country is in, can't help thinking that on lots of stuff we are lucky to a) not be parents in the US, and b) be part of Europe. They do say that whatever starts in the States ends up here, though. Haven't come across much competitive parenting thus far as only have 21 month old in part-time nursery, but have no doubt it exists. And I know from being a mum and a mumsnetter that anxiety about parenting is a pretty prominent state for many of us.
Discuss!

I thought it was brilliant! unfortunately i read it about six months ago and hence can remember nothing in particular apart from nodding a lot and going 'o yes!' and then quoting bits at friends.

is one of the things she is hot on how poorly paid people are who work with chldren? This really resonated because i am sick of being told that spending time with small children is so rewarding and fulfilling, nurturing the next generation etc, etc... ok if so, why do we pay the people who do it professionally absolutely peanuts?

I thought it was v interesting and thought provoking and i certainly wouldn't have been insulted if someone bought it as a gift.

Oh, my thread has been resurrected!

In the end I only got halfway through the book before it was sucked into the morass of papers and books on 'the table'.
Yesterday DD1 asked if I still had the 'supermama book Dada gave you for xmas'
(For anyone who doesnt have it there's a superhero-style drawing of a woman on the front)

I did read it a while ago. Recommended by a friend who then decided to go back to work after reading the book. She was unhappy at home and realised the only way her life would change was if she changed it because only she was responsible for her future.

I found it a very moving and yet disturbing read. Parenting has now become a 'job' to a certain extent which it never was for our parents generation. What i remember most is reading how now as mothers we are responsible for our childrens emotional, psychological, physical happiness and if for some reason they are not 'making it' at any level it is our fault as a mother because we have not done/worked hard enough. Where as one generation ago the biggest priotiry was to clothe, feed and get though childhood without serious accident.

farfaraway - strangely, even tho I haven't picked the book up in many weeks I have just decided to go back to work as I think my children would benefit from seeing less of me. I would certainly be a better mother if I could get away from them on a regular basis .
Am beginning to think my decision to stay at home for so long was the wrong one.

Is it ever possible to get it right? Is it ever possible to feel no guilt?

I know I am better mother if I have time away from my three DD's. Firmly believe we are not supposed to sacrifice our entire identity and existence for our children and they will actually benefit from having a happy and fullfilled mother rather than a miserable one who has lost her sense of self. I remind myself of this when I think of what kind of role models I think appropriate for my DD's.
Not sure about the guilt issue? Does your DH feel guilty about going to work everyday and not being there to do everthing for his children??

As far as I can make out, and I have 20 years of experience, DP doesn't 'do' guilt.

I don't feel guilt. I don't know why. But then again, I believe most of how children turn out is pre-destined by their genes and temperament anyway.

You would have to be seriously neglecting them to f..k them up. I don't believe that anyone who cares enough to come on mn would ever do that, whatever parenting method or SAHM-WOHM combination they choose.

How about screaming and swearing at them all day long? Sometimes I think I must be schizophrenic or something. I am fantastic some of the time (lovely craft activities, baking etc) and a raving harpy some of the time. (never refuse to hug or kiss them however bad i am tho) Wouldn't that f++k them up?

Just finished reading this.
I read dh the bit about how I'm stressed at home because I'm scared that if I don't have a job the other chimpanzees will eat my babies, which really rang true to me, but then he pointed out that normally I hate unproven evo psych crap.

in general though, I think the socio-political explanation for it all was quite convincing.