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Feeling so stressed

4 replies

flowerpot5782 · 16/01/2022 18:12

So... A bit of background: I'm a single mum and I have a 16 year old, who was an only child up until my very recently turned 3yo came along. I now have a 6 week old in the mix too, and I'm failing. My house is a complete tip!! The baby doesn't sleep very long in between feeds, wants feeding ALL the time (every 2.5 hours from when he started the last bottle!), and is easily bored while awake and not feeding. I don't feel I even have time to wash his bottles sometimes! Laundry is piling up, kitchen is a disaster, and 3yo's toys are swamping the living room. The positive note is that baby sleeps well. He will have his last bottle between 10 and 11, and then sleep through until 3 to 4, going straight back to sleep after and then waking up with the rest of us for his next feed between 7 and 8. So I'm not complaining about night time, however during the day and up to 10/11pm I do not get a break. No evening either.

I have tried lengthening his nap, by putting him down in a dark room with his Love to Dream swaddle up (which seems to work well at night), but it doesn't make him sleep any longer! We get maybe 20 minutes, if that. Sometimes, when I have the time, I will have a sit up nap while holding him, and then he can sleep hours!! But although the nap is nice, I want some clean dishes and clothes!!! I also feel like I have no patience left for my 3yo, which makes me really sad. We are late for everything and I'm in a perpetual state of stressed! Cooking seems like an impossible dream most days.

Please tell me it gets better?? I have no family near by, I don't really have any friends I can call on, and my 16yo, although often supportive, is a teenage boy after all. So any jobs I give him to do mostly need checking and micro instructions and then re-doing them again anyway. He's great at playing with the 3yo, but doesn't know how to be with/has zero interest in the 6 week old. He's also very often not at home, either out with friends or his dad, or at school or his evening job. So the majority of the time I have zero support and also don't have the money to pay for any help. I haven't had a shower in longer than I'd be comfortable to admit, or any time for myself in any capacity. How do other people deal with little ones and newborns?? Sometimes I have to let baby cry, as there are some things I have to do for 3yo and I can't just leave him and pick up the baby some more...

Oh, baby hates the slings to carry him. I haven't tried a carrier yet as I don't have the money to buy one, especially when he might potentially hate that as well.

Thank you for reading my ramblings...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
RedCandyApple · 17/01/2022 00:37

Honestly I would let the baby cry it won’t be for long, or bring them in the bath room with you? So you know they are safe, I had 4 under 7 😣 and was a single mum so I know it’s hard but there’s nothing wrong with letting a baby cry for Few minutes whilst you have a bath/shower etc

SeaToSki · 17/01/2022 00:41

If you are getting vaguely enough sleep, then i would suggest setting you alarm for 6 am and getting up, showering and having 10 mins for a coffee in peace before doing a manic 30 mins of cooking and washing and laundrying before the dc wake up for the day

Christoncrutches · 17/01/2022 00:55

Might be worth asking Home Start for some support- they can help with practical stuff and maybe look at widening your social circle when things are less bananas, so you have people to lean on/hang out with? www.home-start.org.uk/home-visiting

It DOES get easier and you're amazing for getting through each day as a single parent. Hats off to you.

Focus on tiny wee changes rather than tackling too much. When you cook, make double and freeze 1/2. If he's not bad at night, get the washing on one evening, then put it out the next evening. Give your 16 year old easy daily jobs that don't require much micro-managing - emptying dishwasher or doing dishes, bins out/recycling.

Keep trying the sling as you never know, he might suddenly accept it

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Mediumred · 17/01/2022 01:12

You are doing amazingly, this won’t last for long, give yourself a massive pat on the back. Could your lad take the baby in the pram maybe to the shop for 20 mins to get himself a can of coke or bag of crisps and you have a quick shower or blitz the kitchen?

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