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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Maintenance payments if ExH retires and wants to stop paying - advice please

47 replies

LalaDipsey · 16/01/2022 16:22

Hi,
Hoping for some of the usual excellent Mumsnet advice please.
ExH has paid maintenance without a quibble since we split and it hasn't been a problem at all.

He said the other week that he is hoping to retire in 3 years, when he is 60, and that payments would then stop.

I assume he cannot do this but what does he have to do?

We have 3 DC together with the youngest being 10years old at the moment. Oldest is 13 and I expect all to continue into FT education until at least 18.

I don't know what his pension will be (We did obviously include pension pots when we divorced but that was years ago now) - he is well paid (approx £70k now) and has worked and paid into a pension all his life, with differing incomes ranging from self employed, low paid and current pay.

Many thanks

OP posts:

SynchroSwimmer · 16/01/2022 18:16

Is there any merit in applying now to formalise to court ordered payments - so that these continue (albeit at a reduced level?) when he retires at 60?

MichelleScarn · 16/01/2022 18:22

@LalaDipsey

I work part time, I come around £19k.

I have tried working Ft but found it really really hard. I am a lone parent rather than a single parent and do 100% of the childcare and mental load. ExH sees them occasionally, but never takes them out of my house. Only good thing he has done since he left is pay maintenance!

So in 3 years time when your youngest is 13 and at secondary school do you not think you can go ft by then? Because 5 years after that you won't get anything I don't think as he could pay directly to them if they go on to higher education/leave home?

rookiemere · 16/01/2022 18:36

Is he paying more or less than he would be required to through CMS just now ?

If it's less than you could go down that route and then keep the difference safe for the future when his income goes down.

What was the plan when you were married, as he was always going to be 60+ before they hit adulthood?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 13 year olds Families General money

mugoftea456 · 16/01/2022 18:36

Bank on getting nothing and try to spend the next few years getting a FT job. At least you have plenty of notice to arrange something

BurntToastAgain · 16/01/2022 18:44

@SynchroSwimmer

Is there any merit in applying now to formalise to court ordered payments - so that these continue (albeit at a reduced level?) when he retires at 60?

Unless he’s an unusually high earner, the court will direct you to the CMS.

Northernlurker · 16/01/2022 18:49

His role is to maintain his children according to his income not subsidise you working part time. You need to go full time.

Viviennemary · 16/01/2022 18:52

His maintenance payments will be reduced when his income goes down. But he will have to pay something.

tilder · 16/01/2022 18:55

Why are so many men such twats.

Sorry OP. Nothing to add on the legal or financial side. I'm just perpetually at how many men take so little responsibility for their children.

Graphista · 16/01/2022 18:58

Pension is taxable income and cm is based on that.

That said SO many nrps find loopholes in uk.

My advice would be:

Start a claim via cms now as you MAY be lucky and get a case worker that actually does the job they're supposed to (no guarantee)

Start to work your budget so you're not relying on cm, see it as a bonus.

Simply BECAUSE enforcement of cm in this country is pretty shit!

Might be interesting for you to see if he's paying you at least the min he's supposed to be by checking with the online calculator if you've a fairly good idea what his income is.

If he's not even paying that anyway you may as well go through cms anyhow.

SiobhanSharpe · 16/01/2022 19:05

If he retires on a full pension after say, 35 years, service, and it's a final salary scheme he could get about two thirds of his final salary as pension, depending on his length of service.
(But his tax position will also improve as he would no longer be a higher rate tax payer. )
If it's not a final salary scheme, and these are becoming rarer all the time, his pension will depend of the amount he has in his pension pot.
So yes, his maintenance payments will probably be reduced, I'm afraid.
But you could let the CMS sort it out for you.

Original poster

LalaDipsey · 16/01/2022 19:06

Thank you. Yes there was a financial order so I shall check that.

My intention was always to go back to ft when dc are older. My intention was never to drop from ft to pt in the first place and I bust a gut ft with 3 under 9 for 4 years but I just couldn't do it any more after covid - I was going to break.

No - he was supposed to provide me with his P60s once a year but has only done so once. He is paying me there or thereabouts what he should do - when I did last check he was paying £10 over what he should so the amount now isn't a problem (I don't think he has had a colossal pay rise) - I'm just trying to work some scenarios in my head as the children are getting more and more costly and if the maintenance stops it will make it very tricky. Yes I can go FT but the subsequent loss in tax credits will
Probably not make much difference in the end and then I'm stressed to the hilt, less time to get everything else done and less the maintenance

OP posts:

AuntieJoyce · 16/01/2022 19:18

ExH sees them occasionally, but never takes them out of my house. Only good thing he has done since he left is pay maintenance

I sympathise. I have one of these useless XHs.

As a PP suggests, you need to look at what your consent order says. However this order could now be varied in favour of a CMS adjudication.

I don’t know much about the legal side but where individuals have pensions and don’t draw these down in order to increase state benefits they’re entitled to, the notional income that these investments are deemed to produce is taken into account as though they had been put into place. I would imagine there is something similar for child maintenance.

There looks to be a concept of notional income that the CMS can take into account if your ex H has funds but does not take them.

I would suggest you get some legal advice nearer the time.

My final thought is that if he really doesn’t like having the children that much the threat of you dumping them on him for childcare while you work whilst he hopes to enjoy his peaceful retirement might have more effect than getting the CMS involved

PatsyJStone · 16/01/2022 19:51

What diamond bright said, my friends ex has retired a lot earlier than 60,taken a large lump sum and pays less maintenance now. Nothing can be done about it.

Original poster

LalaDipsey · 16/01/2022 20:16

It really is bonkers!! I won't get a choice and will have to work until 70 and he got to swan off when the dc were tiny after being an abusive twat, turn up less than 6-8 times a year for 1-1.5hours a time and then take early retirement and piss it up the wall

Oh well. At least I know there is very little I can do.

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate it!

OP posts:

RandomMess · 16/01/2022 20:39

"His role is to maintain his children according to his income not subsidise you working part time. You need to go full time."

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So his role isn't to be a father emotionally, financially or practically that's all on the Mother. He can stop working and let Mum do it all even if she loses their home and has to work to 70.

fallfallfall · 16/01/2022 21:05

Except you’ve worked part time for several years. I get that FT work with three kids is hard no one thinks that’s easy.
House wise your been unable to afford it on your own for a long time. Relying on someone else’s money to afford it is unwise.
Your financial planning needs to be a 10 year plan at this point not 3.

Original poster

LalaDipsey · 16/01/2022 21:32

Er.. he's not ' someone else' he is the father of our three children ffs.

I went pt in September. 2 children with anxiety and I have been diagnosed with long covid. Not that it matters. Clearly I should just get on with it and stop being such a lazy fucker!

OP posts:

Original poster

LalaDipsey · 16/01/2022 21:34

Anyway, as I said earlier - I didn't come on here for advice about myself. It was a question about exh and his responsibilities. I shall bow out now with many thanks for those who answered my question.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 16/01/2022 21:40

Hope you and the DC get better sounds like you have had a horrendous time over the last few years.

PiersMoron · 16/01/2022 22:15

Gosh. So much for support. Poor OP. It's a tough situation you are in, and that's without the added worry about reduced maintenance. It sounds as though you have carried all of the responsibility since your divorce. Posters like Northernlurker are not helpful and seem intent on causing more stress. Shameful.

All I can suggest is that you get some legal advice. Best of luck to you xx

fallfallfall · 17/01/2022 01:34

it's sad how women are not recommended to seek financial advice along with the regular comments to seek a SHL.
this is where i think many men end up living a more comfortable lifestyle (grant it, it may be at the children's expense) but along with the divorce papers a hard discussion on long term finances needs to be had.
this concept that a married couple can split and both continue to maintain the same standard of living for the most part isn't possible.
so often the woman insist on keeping the family home, not wanting to disrupt the children's lives etc. but the reality is moving to smaller more efficient to maintain homes (less financial stress) and moving schools and being done with the upset is the betters option (short term pain for long term gain).
i'm not being naïve about the heartache but just like widowhood. after 12 months of grieving it's recommended that widows do a full financial review and take a long hard look at the current home ownership.
so my suggestion isn't just legal advice it's both legal and financial.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/01/2022 02:29

Sorry OP. Nothing to add on the legal or financial side. I'm just perpetually shock at how many men take so little responsibility for their children.

I can only assume it's because they kid themselves - or even honestly believe - that, because they pay the money to their ex, it's money for her and not actually for the kids at all. Like a domestic version of people who refuse to pay taxes 'to the government' (who, granted don't always use it all wisely) but still expect full access to the NHS, education, central services etc.

It's tragic, really: for most of those of us whose lives include becoming mums and dads, our children represent a very major part of our legacy and a hugely significant part of our lives. We would like to think that, when we are gone, they would look back on us with great love and fondness and truly appreciate all that we tried to do for them (even though we weren't perfect).

These deadbeats probably don't care or pay it any thought anyway; but just imagine your own kids' lasting impression of your life and relationship with them as 'that bloke who popped to see us from time to time when he could be bothered and went to great efforts to make us go without so that he could keep all of his money to himself'

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