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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Come and tell me your mobile phone rules for a 12 year old please

16 replies

hereagain99 · 15/01/2022 20:05

Just that really. Is your 12 year old allowed to use their phone as much as they want to? Do you have any rules/restrictions? Is it different during the week than at the weekend? Do they need to put the phone down at specific time in the evening? Where do they keep the phone at night?

Just wondering what other people do as I was talking to a friend and she seems to do things differently. Not better, not worse. Just different.

Please feel free to comment without being judge by your choices. Thank you

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CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/01/2022 20:05

phone is removed before homework and bed and charged somewhere else

Basilandparsleyandmint · 15/01/2022 20:08

Have learnt hard lessons with my older child but DD Y7 has a phone but has screen time due to parental controls. She has social media but I have her tik tock account on my phone. I do check her a lot. I will slowly back off if she proves sensible which she sees to be do far.

Spilltheteaplease · 15/01/2022 20:15

Phones left downstairs.
Tight parental controls on apps and you tube etc
No phones until ready for school.
No phones after school until homework is done.
No phones at the dinner table.
You must know the phone password and be able to check the phone (preferably openly and with the child).

I've worked with lots of kids doing very dangerous stuff on/as a result of unrestricted tech so I recommend tight controls at this age .

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12 year olds Families General parenting

Spilltheteaplease · 15/01/2022 20:17

In terms of where it is kept, charging downstairs is fine unless you find out they're coming down overnight. Then it would be completely inaccessible for them.

thinlyv · 15/01/2022 20:20

DC15 & 11
Screen time limits - 2hrs a day in the week; 3 at weekends
No phones in rooms at bedtime
Must pick up if we call them when they're out - or phone is taken off them at home (bcos this is the reason they have phones right?!)
No social media - except what's app & only known contacts allowed on that
Content restrictions set

Must agree to us checking periodically if we feel the need (not often with 15yr old as sensible, but...)

TeacupDrama · 15/01/2022 20:29

No restrictions at weekend in the week phone for a bit after school to wind down if she wants the then off for homework and dinner, off completely before 10pm, she is pretty good at self regulation I check her phone regularly she is not allowed to post on tiktok I have her password, if find history deleted on phone or her pc there are consequences there are no consequences for her telling me she was searching for X and she found y, the other week she was watching cute baby animals and suddenly one of them showed a kitten being decapitated she was really upset and told me about it, somehow it had got in to a series of perfectly legit videos, we tend towards we trust you but we will check and if we find our trust was misplaced you will have to go back to everything with controls. She gets fed up when people at school spam group chat with like 435 messages

Original poster

hereagain99 · 15/01/2022 23:32

Thank you all for posting. Some similarities between my friend and I. Trust seems to be important for all of us

OP posts:

WhatsitWiggle · 15/01/2022 23:42

At that age, I had tight controls - could only use once ready for school, daily time limit, went off at 8:30, all apps to be approved. Then lockdown happened and it all went to pot.

We reached an agreement I would lift the daily limit (I had to really as she needed the phone for schoolwork!) and the bedtime on the understanding that the phone went off at 8:30 and she was ready for bed at 9 - if she couldn't regulate that herself, then the controls would go back on. She's been really good with it over the last two years, there's only been two occasions where I've put the limit back on for a day due to her not going to sleep at a sensible time.

The app checking is still on, but she'll come and explain what the app is and why she wants it.

A friend of hers age 12 had zero controls and would be messaging in the early hours - that's not healthy for anyone.

Stormyinacoffeemug · 15/01/2022 23:55

I'm very strict. Upon joining secondary school my children (twins) had an extremely basic mobile phone with pay as you go access (no internet) to contact me for emergencies and could ask for extra to txt their friends. They were under instruction that they had to earn the right to a proper device and only by taking care or the 'brick' did they earn a better phone.

missnevermind · 15/01/2022 23:58

Mine is just turned 13. If at any time I pick the phone up and the passwords have changed or I cannot access it, that phone is then mine.
At home the phone is not allowed upstairs at all. He has a tablet that he can use out of the sitting room but the phone does not leave. No ticktock account and is signed into my you tube so I can see everything they have watched.

woowoowaa · 16/01/2022 00:02

Rules include:

having phone charged if going out and not on silent so if I ring/text she knows
no phone when going to bed, it's to be on charge. I don't remove the phone as she hasn't yet broken my trust
no deleting WhatsApp/texts/search history and allowing me to check when I ask (not very often just a random spot check here and there)
no social media other than WhatsApp

Pretty much everything based on trust. She is very sensible and knows the dangers. She also understands phone is a privilege and that if she is not responsible it will be confiscated- but thankfully I haven't had to do that yet.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 16/01/2022 00:04

No phones upstairs AT ALL?
2 hour screen time in the week for a 15 year old?
What am I reading?
I'm all for online safety and I check my 12 year olds phone regularly. I must know all passwords and they must answer if I call but some of this seems so over the top!? All my parents friends with similar age children tend to be very much like I am.

SE13Mummy · 16/01/2022 00:21

12-yr-old DD; down time set 8.30pm - 7am and switched off over night. No access to YouTube, Snapchat or most of the internet beyond pre-approved websites such as Sporcle or Kahoot. Time limits on game apps is set at 30 - 60 minutes per day most of the time, likewise messaging. She sometimes asks for extra game time e.g. if we're going on a long journey or if she's wanting to do homework whilst on a video call with a classmate.

missnevermind · 16/01/2022 00:26

@RosieLemonadeAndSugar

No phones upstairs AT ALL? 2 hour screen time in the week for a 15 year old? What am I reading? I'm all for online safety and I check my 12 year olds phone regularly. I must know all passwords and they must answer if I call but some of this seems so over the top!? All my parents friends with similar age children tend to be very much like I am.

I think I am the only one saying no phones at all upstairs so I will defend myself. I have a son, all my friends have daughters his age and older and they all seem to be involved in bullying and upsetting each other via social media apps while they are out of supervision range. And I do not want to have have to deal with that with my son. I neither want him to be involved in the bullying end of it or be on the receiving end of the bullying. He does not seem to mind the restriction and if he did we could negotiate new rules. But I do not have screen time restrictions or some of the other rules. The children all have laptops, tablets and phones also several home computers. So they are not deprived of devices at all.

delilahbucket · 16/01/2022 08:35

Nearly 14 DS. Phone unlocks at 8am when he's ready for school. It locks at 8pm on school night, 9pm on weekends. No limits on messaging apps, but limits on games and video sites like tik tok and you tube (or he would spend all day on them). Any new downloads come through us. We have an understanding that we can look at his phone at any time but as he's gotten older we don't unless we have any reason to be concerned. Phone stays downstairs at night, although it's locked anyway. He once tried to argue that if it was locked he could have it upstairs so then on a weekend he didn't have to go downstairs to get it. I told him he wasn't laying in bed all morning on his phone 😁

De88 · 16/01/2022 17:26

We were quite strict on our son's mobile use at first, because he got it when he was 10. He only had one because he was walking himself to and from school, so he therefore only switched it on after breakfast, handed it in at school then on again at the end of school until dinner time, which was about 5pm.

For yr7 it was on after breakfast, on again at the end of school, off about 7 and bed about an hour later. No mobiles at the dining table, ever, and left downstairs while off. No social media just WhatsApp, can't be added to groups and no automatic downloads. We're allowed to check it whenever we want, but haven't.

Now yr8 the only rule we stick with is not at the dining table, and must have total screen free time for 3 hours in own free time at the weekend. He's very good about it and we never have to remind. Hes got a twitter account now but only follows things he's interested in and doesn't tweet, we have a look every mow and then. He still leaves it in the kitchen overnight.

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